The Stronghold & Giant Jack

The Stronghold

Reegs: Welcome to Bad Dad's Film Review, the podcast that is to cinema as a chainsaw is to brain surgery. This week's show is like a pensioner's nappy, bursting at the seams as the three of us, maybe four if we're lucky, set about exploring the top five forests. Perfect settings for both heartwarming Winnie the Pooh style adventures of whimsy, or for disposing of people who ask too many questions.

Our main feature this week is the 2021 movie Back Nord or The Stronghold for any Brexit voting mouth breathers who think learning French is too woke. And for our kids TV section, we'll be taking a look at Netflix's Giant Jack, which sounds like it's going to be either an animated fairy tale or what Sidey calls his genitals when he's feeling particularly optimistic.

The truth, however, is much less interesting than that. A caution. This podcast has more offensive content than a Holocaust denier.

Or just a Twitter feed these days. And more spoilers than a landfill of expired milk. So if that bothers you, we should probably part ways. But for everyone else, there's just the dads to meet.

Starting with the fossilized remains of Dan. Who may be here later, but not here right now. He's a man so ancient, his idea of getting lucky means finding a bathroom in time. Next up, he's not a dad, but he identifies as one. He's living proof that evolution values fuckability over functionality.

The looks of a Calvin Klein model and the brain of a kid who ate lead paint for breakfast. It's Chris. And taking the bronze position, the man who told me off air he's never had so many old men eager, eager to get their hands on his balls. Well, I suppose that is one of the perils of being part of a walking football team, isn't it, Sidey?

And then there's me, Reegs.

Sidey: there's

Cris: Hello.

Sidey: Hello. What's everyone watched? We had a week's hiatus, so it could be quite a lot.

Reegs: so it's

Sidey: Oh, okay. How do you feel about it?

Reegs: lot. How

Sidey: Oh, I loved it.

Reegs: feel about

it? don't know if we'll ever

Sidey: great, isn't he?

he? don't know.

Reegs: yeah.

Sidey: it,

Cris: great. I watched it. I, I think I enjoyed it.

But I can't, I couldn't tell you much about it now that I've

Reegs: it's super long as well,

I watched it

Cris: yeah, it is long, yeah.

Reegs: and each one is like a

Cris: I did, I did, I remember quite, like, not, not falling asleep on it or anything, so,

Sidey: And then there's the Penguin series that follows directly like immediately after supposed to be great as well I haven't watched haven't watched it yet.

I've watched first episode, but not no more than

Cris: Is it, how many episodes of That Penguin are out?

Sidey: Oh

Cris: Oh, is it all out? Okay, I might give that a go then.

Sidey: It's supposed to be fantastic

Cris: So I might watch this again, just so I refresh my memory and then I can watch

Sidey: again

Reegs: Cause

Cris: is the one with Colin Farrell that he's Yeah, yeah. Everybody says really good.

Reegs: Yeah,

Cris: I'm gonna To be fair, I'm exactly the same as you. I probably did watch something else, but I couldn't really tell you what.

Sidey: Well I was poorly and on that day that I, I fucked work off for a date. I watched the substance, which I know you've both seen. Yeah. So, which I really enjoyed.

That was good

Cris: I didn't,

Sidey: I want to say I enjoyed it on levels more than just being a pure like perv

Reegs: per a, a horn dog. Yeah.

Sidey: but I did like that about it as well.

Cris: Is, this was my question, actually. Is it, is it because there's all, like, a 65 year old woman that's always naked, and a 20 something year old dad who's really

Sidey: really pretty.

Well, I immediately started

Cris: Is, is that the reason why?

Sidey: the crux

Cris: a

Sidey: the movie. You know, like, if you get a genie and you wish on all wishes, I was thinking, well, can't you just substance the substance substance and keep, like, but obviously you can't because we see what happens in the movie. But it's great.

Like, good body horror content. Real good. Yeah,

Reegs: And then in real it's like, what's the expression about having your cake and eating it?

Because it's, like, about the male gaze and how chauvinistic Hollywood

Sidey: I was being all of

Reegs: also, there's loads of, like, top ass in it as well, so

Sidey: well. They're CGI boobs, are

Reegs: Margaret Qualley, and it's a testament to perfection that even a woman is absolutely stunning as her had to have her breasts augmented for the

Cris: But why? What was the

Reegs: it was about the unattainable pursuit of perfection, really, and you know, Hollywood's obsession with youth and that

Cris: I do like the fact that in the movie, that show of hers, it's like a breakfast show.

Reegs: Hmm. I would watch That

Yeah, exactly. It's set in a world where the most popular program on TV is a two minute workout. So,

Cris: And for breakfast,

Sidey: Sparkle is a great name as well.

Reegs: Dennis Quaid is great in it, he made me laugh. And then just the first and last shots of the Hollywood star, like as they, you know, spoiler alert, wash her face off at the end is just amazing.

Sidey: And I watched some of Yellow Jacket season three. Yeah. Which I've been enjoying. And just millions of hours of YouTube stuff.

So yeah, it was good. Okay.

Cris: YouTube stuff. So, yeah, it's good. I was working.

Sidey: man Chris

Cris: I

was working quite a lot and then in the evenings when I wasn't working, I went to up to the one with Peter last week to watch the first team get promoted. And then I was working in the evenings

Reegs: You lot are in the final, aren't

Sidey: What? Yeah. What So the over 30 fives won the cup. The first team we promoted the Reiss won the league at the weekend. And the walking, the most important of all Yeah. Walking football team have got to the cup final.

Reegs: Well, we'll definitely get a medal,

Sidey: Well we, we'll definitely get medal, we'll get the runners up medal, but we could get the winner's

Reegs: We'll

Cris: might get the trophy,

so to polish it as well.

So you know, yeah, that's

Reegs: I'm just

Sidey: itself there, polishing his trophy. Sorry

Reegs: all last time.

Sidey: are. Chris. What, the top fours? Because of many many reasons and then I was ill so I didn't even bother to put any like re release episodes out And breachy checked in on us on discord to make sure everything was okay That she was like aghast when there was no new episode out on wednesday or friday.

So, thanks for that.

Cris: Oh yeah, thank you, and sorry.

Sidey: Yeah

Cris: we did make an attempt, but it was a tame one, to be fair. all of us here

Sidey: We needed a week off. We just needed it. We're a bit burnt out. We needed a hiatus, but we're back and we're going to talk about forest. Should we just get into it?

Cris: into

Sidey: What

you put was top five forests.

Cris: get

Sidey: can

we gum? No.

Reegs: Why

Sidey: Because you put in the text F O R E S

Reegs: in

Sidey: Gump

Reegs: text

Sidey: Gump is spelled F O R R E S T And for that reason, it is not allowable

Cris: Oh, no.

Reegs: Forest Gump is spelt F O

Cris: It's just because of Tom Hanks, man.

Sidey: I hate Forrest Gump Wretched

Cris: Well, anyway.

Okay.

What about there was another one?

Sidey: there's loads of other ones.

Cris: Well, I can't, I because I had them all in my head now. There was, well, not that many of them to be honest. I did have Forrest Whitaker as well, but I did have Forrest Gump just because I knew it would annoy you. And I do still like the movie and I still like Tom Hanks. I did see something that I was going to recommend you watch it because it is with Tom Hanks, but I can't

Sidey: Did you see, he's got that movie out. Is it called here? Did you see?

Mark

Kermode's review of

Reegs: of it.

He genuinely

Sidey: Because he is,

Reegs: and

Sidey: he, he, he genuinely will try and see the good in something,

Reegs: he references Jurassic

Sidey: and this one he's, he references Jurassic Park and he's like, you know, and the scientists say you know, we're just Had worked out.

We

whether we, we could, but we never thought long enough about whether we should. It said it is fucking awful. It's absolutely awful. Excruciating. 'cause you know, the concept is just one shot of a place, you know,

Reegs: I thought, but it's from a really acclaimed graphic

Sidey: novel. Yeah. The graphic novel is great.

It lends itself to that medium. It doesn't necessarily feel so it's. you know, a short of a place. So then you've got dinosaurs and how that landscape changes to become their house. And then it goes, it slows down and it's their whole life. Just in this one shot is one static shot and said, it's just painful, fucking painful.

Reegs: I, the amount of concessions you'd have to make to like reality to make that movie.

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: Makes sense

Sidey: the disregard to your audience.

Reegs: perspective, you know, for to have all the presumably major events of someone's life occur in your,

Sidey: life in that one spot,

Reegs: So yeah, that is a problem. But

Sidey: novel was supposed to be, you know, it's held in high regard.

Reegs: when I heard it just, I was like, that's a cool idea, but

Cris: Well, anyway, I can't have that, so I'm having it.

Reegs: Okay.

Sidey: fine. Re

Reegs: well,

Cris: Yeah, Boris Whitaker.

Reegs: yeah. Forrest Whitaker. I've got him on my list. He's like intense, but vulnerable and like got a load of power to him. He was great in a load of things that we'd done for the pod, like, fast times at Ridgemont high and ghost dog, especially probably never better than when he was in battlefield earth.

Sidey: Haven't seen it yet.

Reegs: no.

Sidey: I quite like him in the Star Wars

Reegs: Yeah.

Saw

Sidey: Yeah. he's good in

Cris: There was, he played in a, I can't remember if it was with Colin Farrell or in, in like a Street Kings or something like that. Is that,

Reegs: Oh,

Cris: is that what it was

Reegs: There is a movie Street Kings, is that it? Yeah, he's

Cris: pretty sure he's like the police officer, like police

Sidey: He's police in Kickboxer.

And

he's chasing Van Damme around is it Hong Kong or wherever it is?

Reegs: is. He's just like a reliable character actor, always gives you something interesting.

Sidey: winner as well.

Reegs: well. And an Oscar winner, yeah. Yeah. And Ghost Dog really is just right up there.

Sidey: So as the YouTube series I've stumbled across, which I now subscribe to, and it's a dude who's just interviewing people on the streets of all like famous musicians about

He'll just give them headphones and say, right. First one is 5 and he'll just play the song and they've got to guess the song and every time they get it right, it doubles and doubles, doubles and they end up giving the money to charity and one of them he has RZA on and he's like by far like the best one bar.

He's like, yeah, it's blah, blah, blah, you know, because he knows all the samples because he's fucking done them all, you know, and he's just like really cool. I mean, talk about ghost dog in that because he obviously did the soundtrack. Yeah,

it's great.

Reegs: an

Sidey: How about an actual forest?

Cris: Okay.

Reegs: sounds a bit Lord of the Ringy

Sidey: It's Lord of the Rings 2 Towers, it's the forest it's after the

Reegs: Ents

come

Sidey: It is, yeah, Fangorn is actually a language in Lord of the Rings.

It means treebeard. And he's the big Like, boss of the Ents, who lives in Fangorn, his own, named after himself, it's a bit arrogant, isn't it? And they go on a, so Merry and Piffin end up, they sort of try and scarf her and then it's sort of known to be kind of haunted and scary, but they go in there and he picks them up and he, they have to convince him to go on a crusade to fucking kill Soramon and that's where the two towers get destroyed

Reegs: They don't want to get involved at first, do they? They they're like,

Sidey: So they, they, they perceive time in a much slower sense that, you know, they've been there for millennia, you know, and all this stuff's happened and it kind of just passes them by because they're trees and then they're like, no, you know, we need to show you and so on. It's basically

Reegs: Exactly, there's a whole area cut

Sidey: and it's like, you know, Pearl Harbor for the Yanks.

They only get involved once it affects them, you know, so that's that.

Cris: I remember that actually I don't have the name for this forest, but it is a place in a film called the village,

Reegs: Village.

Oh yeah, M. Night Shyamalan.

Cris: Is that Is that, What is

the name of the

Sidey: Is that a Mel

Reegs: No, that's the name of the director.

Cris: Oh, right. Sorry.

Sidey: that the Gibson one? No. Oh, that's science.

Reegs: Bryce

Dallas Howard and a few others.

Sidey: There's people hiding around the corner or something. It's

Reegs: 19th century

Cris: an Amish kind of

Reegs: Amish community,

Cris: the community where they, they got this, well, in the end, it's proven to be a costume that scares

the people from

Reegs: the people from going.

The blind Yeah, spoiler alert. It's actually the, it's actually set now, not in the 19th century. It's just some reclusive

Sidey: Oh,

Cris: of

Reegs: and they never know the monster is, is just a thing that they build in to keep people in the community. So there you go. Spoiler for a 20 year old movie.

Sidey: Oh, do you know what, I went on Instagram today, and there was a massive spoiler for the new Daredevil series. With no spoiler

Reegs: Oh, I've seen that spoiler as well. I know

Sidey: fuck. It was so intense.

I left a comment saying spoiler warning.

Reegs: I now have watched the first like 10 minutes of that because, and that happens about in the first three minutes, so, but I still agree.

It is a massive spoiler.

Sidey: don't do it. Not cool.

Cris: Okay, I won't. Sorry. Jesus.

Reegs: Are

you interested in English forests? Because I think we've got some really nice ones.

Sidey: nice ones.

Reegs: Well. the

New Forest was the scene of Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. That's where it was filmed, obviously set in Sherwood Forest. That's two

Sidey: doubled down, that's Forest Squared.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: I suppose your daughter would be a fan of New Forest. It's one of the only, it's one of the only approved holiday destinations on my daughter's list.

Right.

Cris: well,

New Forest,

Sidey: Forest. Similar, similar reason I'd imagine. Yeah. Ponies.

Reegs: We are going there.

Cris: What is, sorry, what is the reason why you,

Sidey: and they've got ponies just wandering around

Cris: Deer as well.

Sidey: and donkeys and, I mean, it is really nice.

of horses. Oh, I've been to New Newport

Reegs: before. It's beautiful.

Sidey: Yeah.

Cris: There's loads of horses, it's really, really cool. And you can pick strawberries from the side of the road.

Sidey: I wouldn't do that because I've probably got horse piss on them.

Reegs: Will you wash them for you?

them straight like that,

Cris: Don't eat them straight like that, I don't know.

Sidey: If I've got something to eat, I have to eat it there and then.

Reegs: And other, there's Farham, which I was trying to work out where that is. It's Southampton Way

Cris: Yes. Yeah.

Reegs: Bourne Wood is the very, the, the scenes that were in Gladiator that were set in German, Romania were shot in Bourne Wood in Farham, and then many iconic films have followed.

In its wake and it has been a part of the Marvel cinematic universe. It's the woods where Captain America first launches his solo rescue mission in his movie. It's also the woods in Thor, the Dark World and Avengers Age of Ultron. So that's all in

Sidey: That's good forest content.

Reegs: Yeah.

Cris: Yeah.

great

Sidey: Shoehorn some Twin Peaks in there. There's quite a lot of forest content and quite a lot of forget the name the terminology, but where

They'll, you know, there'll be a scene and then it will just cut to David Lynch just filming a tree, a fir tree just billowing about but then the latter half of season two, they sort of go into the woods and the major gets abducted in the woods and also there's like the stone circle and the firework with me and the entrance to the black slash white lodge is in the forest as well.

Great, great stuff.

Cris: Yeah I, well, yeah, sorry.

Sidey: I've

Cris: Twin Peaks, I've watched a couple of them when I was eight. So, I can't can't really tell you how unimpressed I

Reegs: is there a porn version called Twin Peaks and it's P-E-E-K-S and it's somebody you look like you've already looked this up.

Sidey: really lit this up! Well, let

Cris: let me tell you about that

Sidey: one.

Reegs: Okay.

Cris: Okay. don't know about that, but I don't know the name of this forest, but you might know where it is, actually, where it was filmed. There's a lot of forest content in The Predator.

Reegs: Yes, there is a lot of

Cris: So I don't know where it was filmed or because obviously this was a,

Reegs: Val Verde.

Cris: yes, there was a mythical kind of land or whatever it's called.

So it doesn't exist. It's not like Cambodia

Sidey: something.

I think because it lends itself to the hunting aspect of it, doesn't it? Because prey, then prey is kind of That's more plains,

Cris: more like in the savannah, like the, I don't know, the, whatever the plains, yeah. But yeah, the, the predator is most of it really in the forest.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah, almost

Cris: I don't have a name for, for the forest itself,

Sidey: Val Verde forest. And

Cris: also I've got the forest, which again, it kind of goes from forest to plains a little bit, but I did like the movie and I will forever like it is the revenant.

Reegs: Yeah.

Cris: it does happen a lot of action is in the

Sidey: That's where it gets mulled, yeah.

Cris: kind of on that in the creek and in between the trees and that so I thought I'll give that a mention because I did like, I did like the movie so, and it's a lot of forest content

Reegs: Yeah, and it looked so spectacular because they filmed it with that natural light and all that stuff and yeah great I think the evil dead movies lots of horror as as as got treated Yeah, exactly.

But the evil dead movie is definitely synonymous with forests and woods and trees. You've got the tree rape. You've got the Famous camera like pivoting through the forest, the cabin in the woods, all that stuff. And then there are other franchises like Friday the 13th is set, I mean that's lake content, but it's lake with a forest around it and I think nearly two thirds of the movies are set.

In or around Crystal Lake, or wherever it was called. Camp Crystal Lake. Pan's Labyrinth. Did you see that one? That had a bit of like, strange fairy tale, massive trees and all that foresty

Sidey: I think you get some upside down forest in Stranger Things as well. It's kind of similar vibe to that one. What about Forest Moon?

Reegs: Forest Moon of

Sidey: Endor, yeah. Of Ewok Forest. Yeah. Dubb, Jobb Dubb job.

Reegs: Job

Sidey: Um, it's the de the decline of Star Wars right there where little cuddly teddy bears

Reegs: In that moment.

Sidey: down like fucking at ATTs calling bullshit on that.

But I did

Reegs: In that moment Jar Jar was

Sidey: Loved it at the time, but looking back, no. Yeah.

Hard,

No. Yeah.

Cris: Hard, no. There's another forest in a movie by an actor and director which we all adore. Mel Gibson.

Sidey: Fender Briggs

Cris: Apocalypto.

Sidey: Yeah, yeah, yeah, That Was that like a Mayan language that it

Cris: Yes, yeah, that is and There's also a lot of human sacrifice content if anyone's

Reegs: into

it

And

Cris: Brilliant. Yeah, it's really, really good. And I've had another one, which the movie title made me watch this movie and halfway through.

No.

Sidey: A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell?

Cris: man who killed Hitler and then the Bigfoot. seen that

Reegs: It's good. Sam Elliott, yeah, I liked it, yeah.

Cris: There's a lot of forest content in

Reegs: There is,

Cris: the movie itself is a proper turd.

Reegs: Wow. I know, I liked it.

Sidey: Two different points of view on that one. Yeah.

Cris: it's not It's not even funny. I was hoping that it's gonna be funny, but they kinda

Reegs: There's a few funny bits in it. It's more like a slow, like, lament about, like, ageing

Cris: like, aging. Yeah,

Sidey: God, I'm living that life. I don't need to watch a film about it.

Cris: so sorry. But that's pretty much what it is, yeah. But there is forest, quite a lot of forest content in that film.

So, with that, like a B movie

about the Bigfoot and, yeah, forest.

Reegs: Should we just go to choices? I've

Sidey: I've got a few more to, to run through

Reegs: quickly. Alright, okay, let's hear. 

Sidey: What about song? A Forest by The Cure, this is kind of the obvious one.

Into the Trees. And then you've got Into the Woods, Stephen Sondheim. The Trees by Rush. I've got a

Reegs: Screaming Trees.

Sidey: yeah, The Screaming Trees, that was Matt Lanning is sadly no longer with us. Various other ones, but Moonlight in the Woods by Enya. Of course, it's going to be top of anyone's list.

What about some video games?

Reegs: Korok

Sidey: Korok Forest from the Zelda series is a recurring location. And Oh god, there's like loads of Pokemon Ones. Great Forest and the Elden Ring.

Over. Viridian Forest,

that's Pokemon Red and Blue.

Yeah, I mean there's just fucking loads and loads and loads. The Black Forest is in a video game called Valheim. It's also my favourite

Reegs: of ghetto.

Sidey: Vienna Bakery do a great, great, great Black Forest

Reegs: Black Forest slicer. She's

Sidey: could be. Yeah, yeah. When you know it's fake. But Brain does, yeah, yeah. Yeah, good Black Forest Ghetto content right there.

Should we just go ahead and nominate?

Reegs: Yep.

Sidey: Chris?

Cris: I can, I can say one shout about the, a book, the Norwegian forest by Haruki Murakami. I don't know if anyone heard of it. It's, it's an acclaimed novel by a Japanese writer. And it's, it's, you would probably really like that because it's a bit dark and a bit twisted, but it's really, really good.

Reegs: it sounds up my street

Cris: And I especially mentioned to the Baciu forest in Romania, which we're going to drive past if we drive, or if we fly, we'll fly over it which is meant to be pretty much like that forest in the Lord of the Rings, where people go in and they either get lost or they, they never come out or if they come out, they lose their soul.

So they come out like paranoid, schizophrenic,

Reegs: or same thing when you go to America.

It's the same

Sidey: Yeah, yeah. Pete tells, Pete is adamant he's fine to drive. Fyi,

well anyway,

we'll pick

Reegs: I'm also fine to

Sidey: we'll

Cris: discover that when we're there. And I'm not really sure if I'm gonna nominate anything else, but I will put in the village. Just because it's a kind of horror, and I don't really, I'm not really into that

Reegs: That's a good one.

Sidey: cool  

Reegs: I'm gonna go for Lars von Trier's Antichrist, have you seen

Sidey: it's too scary. Well, it's

Reegs: Well, it's not really

scary, cause on the one hand it's sort of Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsborough,

Sidey: this when he cuts his dick off? And her clit?

Reegs: But he's also, yeah, he does cut her clitoris off, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she, like, hammers his balls and stuff, yeah,

Cris: Oh, I can't watch

Reegs: But it's also, like, a lot of him asking her how she feels and stuff.

Sidey: Oh, i'm out

Reegs: Yeah. And also there's a fox who tells us chaos reigns.

Sidey: it sounds like it yeah

Reegs: in a, in a, but it's all set in a secluded cabin in a forest.

Cris: Okay. Is, it's called the Antichrist?

Reegs: Antichrist, yeah. Just

1. I

think you would love it.

Sidey: you and dan

Reegs: You and Dan should sit

Cris: Holding hands.

Reegs: balls

Sidey: Just the balls bit. No, I don't know. I'm going to put it in the forest moon of Endor. As a nostalgia one. Oh, do you know what I forgot to tell you? What I also watch is Bergerac, the new

Cris: Oh, did

Reegs: good. It's got

Sidey: on Freeview, on You.

Cris: Yeah, I've seen that. Do I have to download the app?

Because I don't have it on my telly and it tells me, and I

Sidey: though.

Cris: I thought if I download this and it's going to ask me for my card details,

Sidey: No, you don't have to

Cris: signing up

Sidey: have to do that.

Cris: platform.

Reegs: it any good? Because I wanted to watch it,

Sidey: I watched episode one. There's nothing wrong with it.

But it's just like pretty tin pot. But I'm told, I'm told that if you persevere it gets really good. But,

Reegs: do any funny, like, oh you come out of your gaff and you end

Sidey: no, it's mostly Devon. There's very little Jersey in it. Charlie Hungford is his mother in law Crozier is some fucking other idiot policeman, the theme tune's got the same melody but it's like all electro, he's kind of fucking poncy and he's explicitly an alcoholic, fuck up, like, it was more implied in the 80s, this is like, it starts off in a meeting and then he chins a

Reegs: Well, that was the thing in the 80s, because you just had to show them drinking, but you never had to show them being really dysfunctional, apart from occasionally being, like, smacking their women if they got too lippy.

Sidey: that's funny, he starts with chins his hip flask in the bogs. So I'm gonna pass through with it cause I'm told it does get really good and it's not like a one episode murder reset button, next episode

Reegs: Yeah, it's one

Cris: It's one case,

Sidey: it's one case over the series, yeah. So I'm gonna keep going. That's not at all related to Forrest, but I just thought you should know.

Reegs: Mm, I should

know.

Cris: two more

Sidey: So we need two more forests. Maybe Dan will have one when he gets here.

Cris: Hopefully.

Sidey: Taking a trip to the Med. Marseille.

Cris: to the great city of Marseille, the second biggest city

Sidey: France. For the Stronghold. Yes. A. K. A. Back Nord. Yeah. Yeah,

Cris: Yeah, I've

never watched it either, but it did pop up on my Netflix suggestions yeah, and I quite like a foreign movie. And it just gives a different perspective. I don't, sometimes the Hollywood is just too American with,

Sidey: Where,

Cris: where, what?

No, I know, but, not, you know what I mean, all these big actors and all these big

Sidey: Yeah, yeah, it's nice to just get away from that to

Cris: that. And, and, this is based on a

Sidey: Right,

I like this because it starts off and says, Inspired by a true story, names are changed, events are changed.

I'm like, so it's nothing like the true story. Yeah. I mean, what the fuck? My daughter's still of an age where she cannot comprehend why you would watch something that isn't in your native tongue. Yeah, I said, but it's You know, it's subtitled. I can still understand it. But why? I'm like, Oh,

Cris: don't get it. Yeah, but

Sidey: Yeah, but it's it's a police cop thing. Yeah. About

Yeah. And so when we were introduced to these guys, it's kind of all about. They're camaraderie. They're like a small unit. It's three guys, isn't it? Yeah.

Reegs: But

Sidey: but, but first we see Greg. It's Greg, the older one getting his prints done.

So we don't know initially that he's a police cop. So he has his fingerprints taken. He's obviously getting processed. Something's gone awry. And then it's

months earlier. yeah.

And then we see the three guys. So you've got the one, the smooth dude, I think he was in the

Cris: Three Musketeers? Yes, in the

Sidey: say muskethounds.

Cris: yeah.

Reegs: Oh, which one's that? Antoine

He looks a bit like Ethan Hawke, I think. But a bit juiced up.

Sidey: Yeah, he was a smooth one. And then there's the kind of, Yas, the chubbier kind of family man.

Reegs: He's been in a load of good stuff as well though, I've seen like

Cris: yeah

Reegs: and then Greg and he's the kind of worn out Sort of team leader

Sidey: Yeah. And we get to see that because they haven't encountered one of these. 'cause the movie's called the Stronghold and, and the stronghold is these kind of like ghetto Yeah. Tower block sort of place. But I fucking judge dread. I thought, you know,

Cris: Well, this is an area of Marseille. This is why I quite like it because this is an area of Marseille, which is famous for you go in there.

Sidey: just run by the gangs, right?

Cris: Yeah, that's why it's run by the gangs. Unless you're and it's generally. All these, Moroccans, Algerians, it's more of an African immigrant.

Sidey: one point, you know, around the start of the movie, these three guys, they have an interaction there, Greg, you know, they square up to these people, he knows they can't do

Reegs: Well, they it starts off with, we, we get a bit of like backstory stuff, don't we? We see that they're not above breaking the law themselves. They get some knockoff

ies Antoine's always smoking weed. And he's got an informant as well that will.

Sidey: that will

Reegs: Become more important, they see some like imported exotic animals, turtles, and they follow them like, are they like, are we going to bust them? The guy's like, it's good for the numbers because they, you know, as we'll learn,

Cris: a quota

every day, yeah.

Reegs: And they debate doing it. I don't think they.

Sidey: They can't be bothered having

Reegs: be bothered.

Antoine's He fucks

Sidey: then

Reegs: And then they get a call for an Audi's been stolen, I think. And there's a grand theft auto and they're off. There's like a big pursuit

Sidey: are about to, I mean, they've got the guys. The turtle guys, and they just, right. This other crime supersedes that one, so that gets fucked off. They move on. And yeah, the Audi goes back to this place. And they have this interaction where it's clear that

Reegs: This

enormous guy comes out and he's like, just. But he's basically like, if you come back, come back with a lot more men. Yeah. That's basically what he says

Sidey: And this is why Greg's like, look, what's the point? We can't fucking do anything. And then, and then, you know, the higher ups, like just, you know, we're just going to go,

Cris: Leave them alone,

Sidey: like Amsterdam in the wire. It's like, well, that just shit is just like out of control now.

Reegs: It is very much like the

Cris: it's also

Reegs: of the

Cris: sorry. It's also at the beginning, they actually go in and they bust this drug dealer because they follow the guy with a scooter.

This guy with a scooter drops the scooter and gets another one. And then Antoine gets a call from his informant. And he's like, give me a candy man, which is basically a drug dealer. Yeah. He's like, give me, give me someone. And they go and arrest him. And then they run out from this kind of area of, of, of one of these back.

The

Reegs: banlieue? Is

Cris: that Yeah, it's Lio. Yeah, it's, that's what they call like the ghetto, the favela. Yeah. And it's like the suburbs of Mae and they just pick someone up and then the chief inspector is like, what, 10 grams you, this is not even a plus on the list of hierarchy

Sidey: It's like, Marvel the Sokovia Accords or, or the other guys are like, well, you've busted this guy, but you've fucked up a, you know, he's trashed a vehicle that's worth, you know,

Reegs: You've brought in a low level crim for 10 grams of weed.

You've made a load of destruction and you've lost a

Sidey: an entire city, but you've saved a few people, blah, blah, blah. So, and that's, that's why Greg's so fucked off. He's like a career policeman. He's like, you know, we make a few

Reegs: He's ground down by the system.

Sidey: It's not, we're not, we're helping, but we're not helping anyone really. The city is fucked.

You know, the whole thing is shit, but it just feels ineffectual. and that's where he's at.

Reegs: So everything's at an all time low and I think what provokes, you know, change in the movie is this like Snapchat style video is released of the drug

dealers from the banjo have like abducted someone and beaten him up haven't they?

Cris: customs officer.

Reegs: customs officer and they're taunting the police in it and leaving all these messages

Cris: it's just like customs, we, you fuck with us, we'll fuck with you kind of thing. It's like, I will show you what we do with customs. And they beat up this officer.

Reegs: this officer. So it embarrasses the politicians into doing

Sidey: Need to make a

Reegs: So suddenly his ineffectual boss, Jerome, gives him an order to kind of go out and you've got all the resources you need and go and make things happen.

Sidey: At the same time, Yass has just become a father for the first time, so you know

Reegs: time, so you know something's It does get some strife.

You think, of course it was going to

Sidey: It does get some strife and you think, oh, well, of course it was going to be him. But yeah, this is where the informant starts to become more important because even though I don't really understand this, I did it, like, Cards on the Table, I really enjoyed this, but the informant just seemed to be a girl who smoked some weed and yet she seemed to have a lot more intel to me

Cris: Well, she said the cousin is one of the

Sidey: that who, is that what the connector was? She

Reegs: she knows where the stash house

Sidey: is. But she's, so they need to, to get the information because she's putting a lot at stake, right? So she's like, well I need X amount of

Cris: Well, she

Reegs: five

Cris: five kilos. Yeah. He, because he says, I'll give you three kilos.

If you tell me what the stash house is and when the next big move is. And she's like, what do you think I'm going to do? My cousin's going to kill me. If she finally finds out about, you know, my cousin's one of the, one of the dealers. And then she kind of stays there and it's like. Okay, give me five.

Sidey: Everyone's got a price. So what they do is they just go

Cris: But she does say, don't give me, you see how this smells? This is from these guys

Sidey: They put something in it.

Reegs: can't

Cris: So don't give me this because they'll know that this is from what you capture. Kind of thing,

Sidey: yeah. So while they go around busting people, they're just confiscating it

and

Reegs: Yeah, they go around just busting minor criminals for absolutely anything and confiscating the weed to build up this 5k that they need.

Also, they do explicitly tell I think the boss either finds out or they tell him, and then

Cris: they tell him to Jerome, it's like, well, how, because initially they're like, just go into the evidence

Sidey: because they say, we'll just take it from the evidence room. And he's like, you can't, it's all fucking taped up.

It's

Cris: He's like, well, you're going to destroy it anyway.

Sidey: he knows, because that's important,

Reegs: He's

Sidey: explicitly knows the plan. And he's like, just. Do what you gotta do, don't tell me, obviously no, but don't tell me, you can't take the fucking evidence, but just go and do your thing and get it done and you know, keep it off the books sort of

Cris: thing.

He's like, what if we collect? You do whatever it takes. And then they get the other team, the redhead

Reegs: they get the other team in on it as well. So the, there's a whole bunch of them all rounding up the grims and confiscating the gear and building it all up. And,

Cris: And that's when they pay the informant. What is her name?

Reegs: Amel, isn't it Amel?

Cris: Yeah. They kind of, she's like, look, in two days time, there's a massive shipment coming in. And how do we, how do we know the flat? Which flat is it? Because these are massive buildings with loads of flats. And she's like, you just follow the bag, the bag man.

Whoever the, the Candyman is, when you try to bust him, he's gonna run. You follow him when he runs, where he runs, that's where the stash house is.

Reegs: Yeah. And it sets off like probably the, the. Best chunk of the movie really it's this like raid style Siege of of the bandia Yeah,

Cris: Yeah, it's also filmed quite, quite, and you see them preparing.

Yas is on the roof. Greg is on the side, kind of just pretending he's just smoking a million ciggies.

Reegs: They follow the car as it

comes

Cris: Yeah, Antoine has a fake Real Madrid t shirt with Zidane with just number five, but

Sidey: they've said that's how they get the other team involved because they can't be seen they've they're too well known they can't be seen in the garden

Cris: north, yeah, in the north

Sidey: they all recognize them.

And as soon as he goes in to initiate the thing, they see him and they like police, police, police, and it all fucking kicks off.

and

Reegs: it really kicks off, and it's, and the police, and the police in France are like an American police force, heavily militarized. You know, these guys are all going in in flak jackets, carrying machine guns, and bigger weapons than that, grenade launchers,

Sidey: There's standoffs where everyone they've been, you know,

Reegs: know,

Sidey: Things. So there, there's one bit, and this is the contempt, which the drug dealers have that they, the three of them are on the street. This is when they're trying to accumulate the five kilos and this drug dealer goes up to 'em.

It's like, what the fuck are you doing? Arresting all my customers? Yeah. And you're harassing my customers. And they just can't do anything to them. They're just like, well, you know, and you're like, wow. So then, yeah, then they go back and, it is going, it's like a fucking war zone. It's

Reegs: a 25 minute sequence that we couldn't possibly do justice to, but it's very much in the sort of raid mold a little bit with definitely a Gallic flair to it. It's like a siege, you know, element in a tower block.

There's people having to hide out. There's a bit

Cris: They close the, they close the block really, really nicely though, with the way they have the, the ironworks

fit in. So you can lock yourself in from the inside with, with these metal doors. But they don't even have to put a lock on them, they just kind of fit

Reegs: fit.

Slide it across. In

Cris: And the brass doors, that's quite

Sidey: having to dodge like microwaves from up above because people are

Cris: Yeah, people throw their fridges and

Sidey: fucking violent

Reegs: Yas is trapped inside. He knows where the stash house is. So the other guys have to break in from the adjacent

building

Sidey: is quite tense isn't it because he He's saying on the radio, it's the 5th floor, it's the flat, blah, blah, blah, so they know, but you've seen all this gang, fucking loads of them, all armed to the teeth, go up after him, and he's the one who's had the babies, like, this is the guy, they've told us he's got the most to lose, he's gonna die, I was thinking, this guy is gonna fucking die.

Reegs: And he does get stabbed by a ten year old. Yeah, in the tower block.

Which

Sidey: he fucking chins

Cris: I mean rightly so. I would say, but.

Sidey: and then like you say, yeah, these other guy, the other police cops are able to get up. And then yeah, people start getting shot. Yeah.

Cris: Yeah.

And it's quite cool the way they, that's the stash house, but then in that stash house there's a hole in the wall. And then it goes to another apartment, where there's another hole in the wall. And then there's another apartment, and that's where it's close to the bins. So basically it's like a U shaped thing turn, where they get to see where they carry all the drugs and all the cash.

And then by that time, they keep going on the radio. You need to come and give us a hand here. We got, there's only the two of them, they can't

Sidey: There's, they, the guys on the ground floor have been smashing, trying to smash through that steel door that they've put up to get in and support.

And it takes fucking ages, and they do eventually get in. And they get everyone out of the building, into a car. And they just can't move the car because there's so many

gang people around just smashing it up and kicking them to get on top of the car and it's super fucking intimidating. But they do eventually make it out.

And then we come back to like the, the the police station in this sort of warehouse hangar thing with everything laid out of what they've got and a big sort of triumphant. We fucking did it like,

Reegs: You go in, everybody go and get

Sidey: yeah, have a good night, blah, blah, blah. And you're like, fuck, that was intense.

Cris: And you're looking at the runtime. Well, this happened

Reegs: yeah.

Sidey: Lorelime really sound.

Reegs: and you're looking at the runtime going, well, this has happened a, a strange time in the movie,

Sidey: And then you remember oh there was something at the start that

Cris: started.

Sidey: sure enough then we get a

Cris: couple of

Reegs: a couple of months later.

Sidey: some time has passed and There's

Cris: is playing in the, in the pool with a baby.

Sidey: Yeah, there's They are now getting done. There's a, there's a story breaks that they are getting done for trafficking racketeering, profiteering extortion, blah, blah.

They're like, well, no, we're like we had to,

you

Cris: collect. We

Sidey: we, we might have, the lines might be a little bit blurred but this is all.

Reegs: It

was sanctioned, that is, as far as they understood, it was sanctioned by the, the higher ups, you know, their boss, they told their boss, so, this

Sidey: told their boss. But no they're under investigation and we see each of them get interviewed by this fucking internal affairs guy.

What a prick. I know this guy's got a job to do, but it's just it's infuriating when you're watching it. I don't know. I thought it was really well done in the movie

Cris: The worst

Reegs: is the one

Sidey: so on side with, with the guys.

Reegs: Jerome and Greg, when he just lies, like,

Sidey: Oh man.

Reegs: you know, he purges

Sidey: Yeah, this is not the internal affairs guy. This is just them at the desk with, I don't know, another higher up, the chief of police or whatever.

I can't remember what her role was. But and,

Cris: The judge,

no, the

Sidey: she a judge?

Cris: Yeah, she was a

Sidey: she just outright asked him and he says, no, that was never done. And you're like, you

Reegs: just looks at him like, you

Sidey: see Greg as Crest falling, like, I'm fucked now.

Cris: Oh, I think he played it really well. The actor, when the way he looks at him and the guy doesn't look at him, he just looks at the judge,

Sidey: looks he can't because he is a fucking coward.

And, and he said he doubles down and he says, no, absolutely. That's 'cause he, 'cause Greg says, no, you do know. And, and the judge says that's quite an accusation. And he, he. Anton rejects it again and says, no, that wasn't, that wasn't sanctioned, blah, blah, blah, I never gave that order. And you're like, you fucking

Cris: in prison.

Sidey: They're in prison. They're, they're on remand pending sentencing.

Cris: they go in, we see them getting walked

Sidey: As soon as they go in, we see them getting walked through the prison. It's like dirty

Reegs: Dirty cops. You're gonna get stabbed and all this

Sidey: So they can, they have to be kept away from the rest of the jail population because

Reegs: And from each

Cris: And from each other. And from each other. Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah,

And there's a lawyer who's seeing them and he says to

Cris: to Antoine to the blonde. Yeah. Antoine,

Sidey: you know, you're the one with the contact with the informant. You're really the only one who's got any leverage here that can help the case Otherwise, there's pretty much nothing in your favor. And he's like I cannot give you that information because she will be killed

and

he is sticks to his guns for a long time

Reegs: guns for a long time. Yeah, he's pulling the wool over

Sidey: building the wall his knuckles have gone he's like

Cris: He has a go at the prison guard. Yeah, he kind of loses it And he's on high medication. He's like, give me more sedatives. Like, we just filled you up with sedatives, mate. And he walks past Yas.

Reegs: ya.

It's ya who sees. And so Yas Yass is the one who decides he needs to get a message to Antoine. Yeah. And he demands his prison.

Sidey: He has rights.

Reegs: has a, a right to a haircut by an inmate and because the only other inmate in there who can do his hair is Antoine because none of the other, you

Sidey: you know Prison guard and says if you could do something, what would you do? He's like stop talking. It's like I'm not I'm not talking to him I'm talking to you

Reegs: What would you do

about

Sidey: What would you do about it?

And they cut him off, but he's just screaming it obviously is explicitly understood And in the end Antoine does cave

Reegs: in the end Antoine does cave. Yeah, They don't charge him

Sidey: Yeah, but not that they don't charge them with the maximum. They do still get charged with some minor

Cris: Yeah, they don't get charged with trafficking and racketeering, but they charge with obstructing the law and basically not following the rules and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Sidey: But, you know, and then we're given some some follow up in terms of what they're up to now Anton was a cook I think, oh no he was a nurse No

Cris: he was a nurse in the prison.

Sidey: prison Greg was a something in the

Cris: like a state official or something like that, or the local official

Sidey: And Yas, I can't remember what Yas was doing. Do you

remember?

Reegs: do you remember?

Cris: He was the

Reegs: joins the police union.

Sidey: That's right.

Cris: Oh, right, yeah, The police

Reegs: yeah, so he ends up advocating

Cris: Oh,

right. Basically, yeah. Ba advocating for the police. Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah.

A much.

Reegs: And they love a union in France,

Sidey: Yeah, they

Cris: Oh yeah, of course.

Sidey: so a lot like the, the effect that, and most wanted man had in me like infuriating at the end. You know, when they, when they that doesn't go to plan this one when they get fucking screwed over. But I was like, oh, you fucking assholes. I was enraged. Was not feeling it.

Cris: Yeah,

Sidey: Did you enjoy it though?

Reegs: I do not like this movie's politics. I, it's a really well made movie. Great performances. It's got very likable characters, great direction. The, it's just blatant right wing copaganda if you, if you like. It's just like the police are underfunded and, and the enemy are just faceless Muslim men.

They're, like, not humanized in any way whatsoever. Like, like I say, even a ten year old just fucking stabs one of them in the Like, this is Marine Le Pen, and, you know, that's, that's my opinion, so no, I don't It's a good, well made movie, decent performances, I don't like the

Cris: But do you not agree that that's very common, especially in the south of France?

Reegs: What's very common?

Cris: The fact that all these faceless Muslims are the drug dealers and police get stabbed regardless if they're Muslim or not

Reegs: Well, I think, in telling a story, I would prefer to see one that was slightly more balanced than this one. That's all I would say.

Cris: are no I understand but Considering where it's filmed and what is based on

Reegs: I don't think that all Yeah, I know, but the movie paints them all as just a mob of faceless, like

Cris: Well, no, because Yas, if you, if you listen to the accent, Yas speaks with an Arabic accent. So, so he's, he's as a police officer, he's not representing the right wing necessarily, he's representing the police. I don't, I understand your point, but It's also a reality in France and in southern Spain

Reegs: I know. And it's why, you know, the right wing is surging across a lot of Europe.

And, you know, the, these kinds of ideas are part of the reason.

Cris: this is also from 2021.

This is not today's movie. It wasn't made yesterday.

Reegs: And then the real story, when you read about that, it's not really, you know, there was 18 of these

Sidey: guys in

Reegs: of them admitted to definitely doing a lot of really shady shit.

So to like dress it all up as this kind of like

Sidey: the events have been

Reegs: of the underfunded, you know, police on everybody's getting in their way. If only they could just go around killing Muslims, it would all be fine.

Sidey: must admit, I never really, Thought about it like that, now you mention it, it just, you know, makes you think. But the movie itself, just like, you know, as a piece of, you know, entertainment, I thought it was really well

Reegs: really well made. The three guys are brilliant, like, you know, it's, it's well written, it's well acted. It's a good story. It didn't like its politics.

Sidey: Greg was really good, I thought, especially, I liked him. And him and the director have made quite a few other movies together.

Cris: Okay. So

Sidey: they work well. Do you want to know about its money stats? It was thrown together 13 million dollars.

Reegs: It

looks fantastic

Sidey: fantastic. What do you think though? Cash money? It

Cris: You probably made money.

Reegs: I dunno.

Sidey: It made 18 million. Which is money. Which is more money than 13.

Cris: Yeah. Okay. So you made some money. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I would've thought this would be, it was a official selection at Cannes or it had some, some.

Some pull some weight there and and in France if it's a French movie and it's that's still fairly big budget for France

Sidey: Yeah. That's what I thought

Cris: You know so for a French movie, you know without any history, let's say probably the Three Musketeers and the one that I've seen the Count of Monte Cristo would have a bigger budget because it's more On the Dumas books and it's like whatever but generally I would say that's big budget for France.

So

Sidey: than that. Strong. Recommend

Reegs: Strong recommend.

Sidey: kids quickly.

Reegs: Yeah, let's fiddle with some kids.

Sidey: what is this? Jack's Giant Balls or something? Giant, Jack.

Reegs: something? Giant Jack. Now, this is called Trash Truck. If you're in the US, because it is not at all what you think it's going to be about, it's about a little boy who has a sort of anthropomorphised rubbish bin, Laurie,

Sidey: Oh right.

Reegs: And

his band of, like, scummy, rubbish plucking vermin, like a pet mouse, a raccoon, and a bear.

And in this particular episode, the child is called Hank, so not Jack at all. And he goes off in this, this episode, bear is, is beginning of his hibernation and he doesn't want to go to sleep because he's going to miss out on all of the great, great things that are

going to

Cris: because last, last year they had

Reegs: Fried pickles

Cris: pickles,

Reegs: he was

Cris: out on the fried

Reegs: Yeah, no, I, I, yeah,

Sidey: I like a pickle. I don't want it fried.

Reegs: I like fried things. I like

Sidey: I do.

Cris: Have you not had fried pickles?

Reegs: No,

Sidey: know that I have.

Cris: mean Really?

Reegs: Let's

get some fried pickles

Cris: pickles. They're not bad. The fried gherkins, the battered gherkins and

Sidey: on board,

Reegs: You ever battered your gherkin, Dan?

times. So there's some shenanigans where the bear is trying to stay

Cris: to keep him awake as well. They try to, they, they first say, okay, movement, you should run or you should

Sidey: So I'm guessing this is animated, right? Yeah.

Cris: Yes. Yes. It's not greatly, it's not a great style of animation.

I'm going

Reegs: oh no, I loved it. I thought the, yes. I think the animation and art design is absolutely superb. Yeah. And it's like these pastel hued and sometimes it's like really detailed backgrounds and sometimes these wide scaping vistas as well.

So, no, I really liked it and I, I thought the storyline content's good as well. This is aimed at like. Preschool yeah, trying to stay awake and, and, and then not go at the end. It's all resolved with everybody getting into bed, having a big cuddle and going to sleep.

Cris: the

truck, the truck is

Reegs: it rocks the whole, that with his disgusting bin arms rocks everybody to sleep.

So yeah, that's a bit strange, but it looks

nice.

Cris: yeah, basically the whole episode, it's only 12 minutes. The whole thing, the episode itself is probably about 10.

And or 9 or 10 minutes and they basically go through all these. Attempts of keeping the bear awake.

Yeah,

Sidey: Is it teaching life lessons?

Reegs: I think it's maybe you know, if you're that age

Cris: and

Reegs: I know I'm more thinking like you might have a lot of fears about going to sleep or wanting to stay awake for things I think those are relatable things for four or five year olds to be thinking about because Most of the time you're telling him to go to bed and they want to stay awake.

So

Sidey: Fuckers, yeah.

Reegs: You know, I think I thought that was a relatable thing for them. So

Calming Cause it's quite like, it's not all like,

yeah, it's not like cars and firing around and lasers and shit. It's just

Cris: No, it's very, it's very mellow. It's quite bright though.

Reegs: Yeah.

Cris: Like, brightly colored. This episode, I haven't watched any of it before or, you know,

Reegs: Or will ever

Cris: will ever again. No,

Reegs: no, same.

Cris: but

Reegs: strong recommend though.

Cris: yeah.

Sidey: the

Reegs: only

interesting thing I could really think about it was that it is the work of Max Keane. He's the son of Glenn Keane who is a legendary animator who worked on the stuff like The Rescuers, Pete's Dragon, The Fox and the Hound, Pocahontas, Tarzan, Aladdin,

Sidey: Tarzan, Aladdin.

Yeah,

Reegs: Well, it's CGI, but

Sidey: Oh, Nepo Baby, yeah.

Reegs: Yeah, but it has, it is CGI, but it has that loving feel somehow of, of hand drawn animation.

Hmm.

Sidey: Okay. So yeah, strong

Reegs: Strong.

Cris: Strong. though, why they called him Giant.

Reegs: Yeah, why was it called Giant Jack?

Cris: I, I didn't see the first, the first episode to

Reegs: I was also confused about where his parents were and why they let him hang out with a raccoon and a dustbin lorry, but

Cris: dustbin lorry, but

Sidey: I've

lost track of whose noms

Cris: it is.

Sidey: before.

Reegs: is it, is it you or is it

Sidey: don't know, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. It's all out of kilter. Pete and I had a good idea for a themed week but can't make him turn up, so,

Reegs: No, he's got to get here for 500.

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: Whenever that disappointing show

Sidey: A week later than advertised now. Anyway, all that remains is to say, Sidey's signing out.

Reegs: has left the building!

Cris: out.

Reid's has left the building.