The Green Knight & Mike the Knight

The Green Knight

Reegs: Welcome

to Bad Dad's Film Review , the podcast that reviews films like a blindfolded Labrador trying to recreate the Sistine Chapel. Buckle up your armor because it's night week starting. Where else, of course, but with a discussion about the top five cinematic knights. Before we move on to David Lowry's, astonishing medieval fantasy, the Green Knight.

As most of you guys will already know, this one is based on an anonymous 14th century poem, which itself was based on an 8th century Irish story. Only Dan can tell us how this version compares to the release of the previous ones. Finishing up this week's Cavalier content is hideously ugly animated TV series, Mike the Knight.

So we already know it wasn't a looker, but was it any good? Also no. So stay tuned to hear us tear through it later. All that's left to do is introduce the dads. First up, living proof that life comes at you fast and sometimes can be very cruel, it's our noble sage, Dan.

Dan: Thanks, Reese.

Reegs: That's alright. And then there's Sidey, and if enthusiasm was a sword, he'd be wielding a butter knife.

Sidey: Correct. You

Reegs: are, wielding it. And then there's me, Riggs, hello.

Dan: Good afternoon. He said in the evening. Yeah.

What's

been happening? Seen much

Reegs: happening? Seen much? Well I watched

Sidey: I fucking hate him.

Reegs: I was

Dan: I'd, you know, tune in for, but yeah, it was good.

Reegs: watch

Sidey: Okay,

Dan: right, Yeah. Well, I watched nothing.

I was away.

I did watch Shutter Island, which we reviewed in the midweek. And that was it. That was my, all my TV viewing this week, really.

What about you, Si? Did you get much

Sidey: I watched some more of

The last dance Charles dance and I watched I watched a thing on YouTube which was a bloke a film Scholar and teacher who had tried to apply some mathematics and science to amalgamating

Scores given to films in people's best of lists and then aggregating that into a top 30 films of all time So I watched that to see what would come out on top and the Godfather came out on top.

So I watched that the other day

Reegs: Oh, right.

Sidey: It's quite good.

Reegs: scientific way

Sidey: It's quite good. It's the Godfather.

Reegs: what to

Dan: it

Sidey: it's all right Citizen Kane was two

was in the top three, but, you know, all the classics were there that you'd expect. There was one or two foreign language ones that I hadn't seen. But yeah, I thought, oh yeah, Godfather.

And I could, I think, I'm trying to remember, I think I may have only seen Godfather Part 2 once. I wanted, I wanted to re watch them in order, so.

Dan: Yeah, it's incredible. I,

Sidey: yeah, so it did

Dan: little while back.

Sidey: Yeah, other than that, Homework.

Dan: splendid? Well, it's just those three because the others are, what are they doing?

Sidey: Painting, decorating, just generally not being here.

Dan: Yeah. That's,

Sidey: If someone says they can't make it, I don't generally go after, I leave it at that. I

Dan: We leave it at

Sidey: I don't need to know,

Dan: go for the blood

Reegs: Don't need the detail.

Dan: the detail, the gore.

Sidey: Did we have anything else on last week's top five? Should we have look?

Reegs: Ar

Sidey: We did, we did have some more, so we went through down these ones last week, but Mel submitted a few other ones, she's a big fan of the Greek island in Mamma Mia rubbish film, beautiful scenery

Dan: though.

Sidey: Not a rubbish film, very good

Dan: film

Sidey: Madagascar

Reegs: agrees with me. She doesn't like it as well. Oh, brilliant.

Sidey: And that's you know a female opinion,

Reegs: Yeah

Dan: more

Sidey: Madagascar which our kids did an adaptation of and we still didn't nominate it and did you even mention castaway or gilligan's island?

Reegs: castaway did get mesh gilligan's island didn't

Sidey: No And if you want to talk about a massive island australia is one and there is a

Dan: Ooh, big screechy car

Sidey: car crash there.

There's a terrible Baz Luhrmann movie called Australia.

Reegs: Yeah. So

Dan: there is.

Sidey: So there you go.

I think we should put

Dan: That was worth watching once and never again.

Sidey: I've never seen it, but as Mel is native to Australia, I think we should put that in.

Definitely. Yeah, good work.

This week's top five, should we just get on and do it?

Nights, and this was only put to us via text, and it was spelt K N I G H T

Reegs: It was, yeah, so no room for ambiguity, really. No.

Dan: Hmm, okay.

Reegs: But as I mentioned, I think in the mid-week, this is an attempt to kind of see,

Have

a look at the fantasy type. This medieval shit as well is not always something I'm very interested in.

So,

Dan: something I'm very interested in. Exposing myself. Not

Reegs: Exposing myself across, not like I did in the park that time, but

Dan: If we're going nice, it does gravitate

Sidey: Well, if we're going nice, it does gravitate you towards, well certainly when I was thinking things like specific stories, of which there are sometimes many different iterations, or the same IP that just has different stories.

Reegs: of knights within it. Well, you might as well

Dan: well

you might as well go second because I've got this one.

Sidey: One.

Dan: Knight's Tale Heath Ledger. I love this film. I thought Heath was brilliant and it was like this, this comedy.

A peasant who wants to be a knight. He gets somebody who wants to be a squire. Which was Paul Bethany, I think, wasn't it? And

Sidey: who's the other fellow's in it?

Dan: Yeah, he's in it. From, from that other film.

Sidey: No, the guy, he's he short his round, he

Dan: He bounces on the ground. The referee. No,

Sidey: He then was in Game of Thrones and he was, I wanna

Dan: know he, I know he mean he was also in the month for Monty.

Sidey: Yes. Yeah, I can't think of his name. Pete will be

Reegs: Rufus Sewell

Sidey: No, Pete would be screaming at us

Dan: he was in it

Sidey: He played he had the statue of his missus in the And the crypt and he like he's talking to her with Ned Stark there. I'm going to say it's a Baratheon and people will go, no, it's not a fucking Baratheon.

It's a blah, blah, blah. But yeah, I just can't, I want to say Mark something, but I just can't think of his

Dan: Goblin Block. I want to say Mark something, but I just can't think of his name.

Yeah. Yeah, he's got a great score, hasn't he?

Reegs: Yeah, it's got a great score, hasn't it? It's like that anachronistic type approach to it.

'cause it's like a sports movie, isn't it? Almost as much as anything. But he ends up being a

Dan: isn't it? Almost as much as anything, but he ends up being a jouster. He's in a made up place because Paul Bethany is such a great orator and he can tell these stories and, and he, he helps Heath Ledger then

get

Sidey: So who is the knight in the Knight's Tale?

Dan: So the knight is Heath although he's pretending to be a knight, there's lots of other knights that are actual knights that he is beating in the jousting games and, and in the dancing and the winning of the,

Sidey: So what, he beats them off with his long pole?

Dan: Yeah. Yeah. In many ways that is exactly what he does. And yeah, it was it was a, it was a crack of that.

Enjoyed that.

Sidey: Well, Heath Ledger could segue very nicely into the dark night. Yeah. Which we talk about all the time, but it's really good. So we should mention it and say no more about it.

Reegs: Yeah. Is that it?

Sidey: Yeah. We don't wanna go on about it. We've, we've mentioned it. It's a great movie.

Reegs: I've

got 13th Warrior. You ever seen that? John

Sidey: No, I haven't.

Reegs: 1999. It's like a sort of simple man on a mission type story. Banderas in it

Dan: I have,

Sidey: have. He's the height

Reegs: his like most seductive

Sidey: Megaflop, was it? Or was it I think it was a different one.

Reegs: have been. Yeah, no,

Dan: I

read the book to this actually and I can't remember the author, but

Sidey: John Author.

Dan: John author, that's him. But the, sometimes when you've read the book, you know, and then you watch the film you.

So I enjoyed the film, although it wasn't a classic because I'd read the book. I think it gave me that, that deeper layer that the film didn't.

Reegs: Yeah, it was kind of like, it was a bit like that episode, the long night.

That's what it sort of turns into of Game of Thrones. 'cause he's like this Muslim ambassador to somewhere and he's been exiled there because he's sort of slept with the wrong Nobles wife. And then he ends up like leading the people

Dan: Learning the language and, yeah.

Reegs: Sort of ancient evil that's there.

That was pretty good. Yeah, 13th warrior don't think i've mentioned

Sidey: No.

Dan: ever see a film called Excalibur?

Sidey: Yes.

Dan: Can

you remember the start of it?

Sidey: No.

Dan: Right, so, it's all dark magic and Merlin and things. And it starts off on a horrible kind of night and you get this Lord, kind of all dressed up in the chain mail and everything, and he's charging out to the battle.

You see somebody else over there and he's You know, that's where they're going. That's where they're all fighting. And as he charges out, he comes back. And the lightning comes down and he goes to his, his his wife. And he, he's just got like savage lust and it's just this really kind of hard scene of, of sex and passion and just pure, pure, pure.

So as I, this is how I remembered it. It was like one of those early porn scenes you see as a kid that you shouldn't, you know, on, on a.

Otherwise just a kind of normal film, but it had tits in it right in the beginning and it was definite sex and wow, you know, and

Reegs: Oh, it's another one of

Dan: Helen Mirren was in in the film.

I don't think she

Reegs: she get

Dan: I don't. Don't think she was the girl that right at the beginning, but that begins like the child of that becomes somebody who then

Goes on to lift Excalibur and all the

Reegs: Well, because it's not it's like you could just have a whole section on the king arthur It's been remade like over the guy. Richie won

Sidey: He had a,

Dan: didn't see that with Beckham

Sidey: a funny shaped table, didn't he? Square. of triangle.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: I forget, but something. And then knights around

Reegs: Oh, Dodecahedron, that's right. Knights of the Dodecahedron. What else, what other iterations of King Arthur have there been? I assume the Dudley Moore, Arthur movies were

Dan: We, the, the First Knight.

That was another one with I think Richard Gere

Reegs: Gere. Yeah. But is that a, an yes, it is, isn't it? It it is all guinevere in

Dan: all Guinevere and everything he Lancelot falls in love with Guinevere again another hot scene.

Sidey: Sword in the Stone, the Disney

Dan: That was That's on my list and i'm i'm gonna run out of all my very best ones, but that was brilliant

Sidey: It was good.

Dan: That was that brilliant animation

Reegs: don't think I've ever seen it.

Dan: Oh, honestly, it's pod worthy. It's a really good one as I remember

Reegs: like fucking racist badges in it now or something

Sidey: but you can just say there were the opinions

Dan: Of the

Sidey: time and then it's fine

Dan: Yeah, that's the surprise Side what you got for us?

Sidey: Um

well, Game of Thrones has lots, doesn't it?

Reegs: I, it was difficult to choose

One or two. I've got one or two

Sidey: Jamie Lannister. Is he officially a knight?

Reegs: Yeah. The King's Guard are knighted, aren't

Sidey: Yeah.

Kingslayer, Jamie Lannister, he has a good journey in the movie movie, in the, in the TV series, only to be kind of like, extinguished in a really lame Underwhelming way considering there's so many brilliant epic death.

There's some Masonry film him and his sister's head and they were

Dan: Oh yeah, no they get the building collapses on them doesn't it,

Sidey: But he was good and he had an interaction with one of the other characters, but I'm gonna I don't want to name loads of them and

One of them's been nominated online, so I was going to leave that one out. I

Reegs: Oh, I don't want to tread on him, but there were two I wanted to mention as well, though. Well, not knighted was the Hound. So he's not actually a knight. But probably my favourite, I think, is Brienne of Tarth. Oh, has it been nominated already?

Who is it? Oh, I'll leave it for whoever nominated it,

then.

Sidey: nominated it. well he's right. He's absolutely right. He's right. You know,

we see him crop up in other stuff and I'm just like, you know, that's the role

Dan: was your, that was your role. Who,

Reegs: the role of

Sidey: it was one Peter Andre flambard.

Reegs: Flambard.

Sidey: And not like him to pop up on discord. I don't know where he

Reegs: Oh, is that where he's done

Sidey: is on discord and the official channels. Yeah.

Dan: done. Well done pete. You you've saved yourself.

Sidey: And I mean, there's loads of others. Who. appear to behave or even sound like they are nice, but they just act in sort of that sort of way. So they're all the ones in Game of Thrones that are called Sir. Sir Arthur Dayne, Sir Jorah Mormont, Sir Davos Seaworth but I think the Sir means like, because it's S E R.

I don't know what that

Reegs: I think it is sir,

Dan: Yeah, I think, you

Sidey: having it?

Reegs: Because it's all about swearing fealty to different kings and all that,

isn't it? Yeah, There's

Dan: the religious one, isn't there? Ser Mon. Ser

Sidey: Tainley,

Dan: Yeah, there's that one that always hisses. Ser Pent.

You know, you've got a few, haven't you? You've that then most knights are cut above, but circumcision is cut below.

Reegs: Oh dear, dearie

Dan: you go. Circumference? That's,

Reegs: Is that what you were doing before? Writing down

Dan: that's plus

Reegs: the

Dan: to requirements.

Reegs: Surplus the requirements. Wow. Very good. Very good.

Dan: I was doing the night shift on it. You know,

there we go. Right. No more of them.

Reegs: Got a film there you got, or just Dan?

Dan: Monty Python.

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: There's a couple of, well there's a load of amazing scenes, but when they have the fight with the, the knight, is it the black knight? He just won't give up. And he's like, you will not pass! And they cut off his legs, you will not pass!

Reegs: one of

Sidey: It's one in particular, isn't it? The Black Knight.

Dan: in Monty Python's It's the

Sidey: He's the one he's he's just left with a torso and it's just a flesh wound. I bite

Dan: a flesher in my pocket. He's classic,

Sidey: Knights do not say knee is that they just go around them don't they? They just they just they just literally just say knee and

Reegs: They're the keepers of the sacred word, so

Sidey: blood. And there's another one which has been nominated online for that.

Reegs: Is it the French oh, the French one who tell you, I fart in your general direction and your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries? They were pretty good, those French knights.

What timeline? Do anyone remember that Richard Donner, this movie? Paul Walker plays sadly no longer with us plays a group of one of a group of archeological students who become trapped in the 14th century. But even worse than that in France. And it wasn't very good, but it does have that trope.

That's really good where somebody in the past leaves something for somebody in the future that they find like 500

Sidey: years later

Reegs: that's, a cool thing. And black Knight, did you ever see that one? Martin Lawrence.

Dan: Oh, right. Yeah, he's

Sidey: not a great.

Reegs: works at a crazy golf

Sidey: It's not a great endorsement.

Reegs: he, nearly four. No.

Sidey: Just saying Martin Lawrence is like.

Reegs: yeah. No, it's not very good. But

Dan: sure there's some hilarious interactions

Reegs: Famously, or not famously, but the release date was brought forward to help ease America's heartbreak in the wake of 9 11.

Sidey: 11

Reegs: by five months.

It played its part in healing the nation.

then

Yeah.

Dan: I've got brave the the Pixar animation.

Sidey: I've never seen

Reegs: Scottish Lass.

Dan: The the Scottish Lash. I'm fairly sure there's some it's medieval kind of Scotland and there's a there's a few nights blasted in and around there but that's a really good

Reegs: The Fussel.

Dan: The Fussell. And it's a common of age kind of film.

There's definitely witches in it and there's kings. I'm I'm, there,

there, there must be a knight in there as well. People I'm sure will correct me if I'm wrong.

Sidey: Cool.

Well I've got one who definitely isn't a knight, but it's Don Kete.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: He's a self

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: He believes himself to be.

Reegs: Yeah. And he's sort of traveling with his squire as well, so Yeah.

Sidey: Attacking windmills or something. Yeah you see you've got him cropping up in a man of la mancha la mancha and the man who killed don quixote.

Reegs: Yeah. Nice. Robin hood

was he, was he a knight? Something of

Dan: There were knights in and around the time, wasn't there?

Reegs: Crusades and all that shit, I don't know. It was, I did history but I can't really remember any of it.

Robin Hood, I'll chuck that in. Should we call it a day and get our nominations on the go? I am gonna go first because I'm just that fucking sound. Knight Rider. I'm going for Michael Knight. Yeah, Knight Industries. It was all in there. Wilton Knight was the owner of Knight Industries. And yeah, he was the guy, he was the police officer whose face was scarred and then facially reconstructed as David Hasselhoff and given a car and it sort of, the car was like a horse as well sort of thing.

Knight 90, 90. And they've tried to reboot it about five or six times. Still think a reboot in some way could work.

Probably not with Hassel Hof,

Sidey: No.

Reegs: Night Rider.

Dan: Well, it's Monty Python for me. I know I, Already said it but that's the the best night that I could say I did think of There was night and day there was a tom cruise film with cameron diaz, but You can't yeah, you can't put it up against monty

Sidey: No, you cannot.

Dan: i'm going for

Sidey: Well, you've got Sir Topham Hatt.

Reegs: From,

Sidey: Thomas the Tank

Reegs: oh yes, yeah, yeah.

Sidey: And then you have Sir Boris the Bold from the Herb Garden. Do you remember that? Old thing. But another kids TV one I'm going to put in.

Reegs: Well, they were actually knights of the realm, were they? know, but

Sidey: but it's called Sir Topham Hatt. You don't get called Sir unless you're

Reegs: Sir unless

Sidey: You can't, don't fucking do that. You always get locked in the tower if you impersonate a knight.

Dan: that. Yeah.

Sidey: Sir Gallant. Peppa Pig.

Yeah, it's George imagining himself to be Sir Gallant while playing with his toy knight.

I'm going to put that in because of the sunlight,

Dan: And I tell you what, I'm going to change my Monty Python because, also just because I remember this film and I might want to watch it again, I'm going to go Excalibur. I'd like to see the poster up on the on the pod. Yeah, I

Sidey: it?

Yeah, you are, yeah. Excalibur. And we do have, I mentioned we've got some online. Darren Leafley, the various ones from Monty Python. He's just doing all of them in one fell swoop. Including Sir Not Appearing in this film. And the one playing chess with death in the Seventh Seal. Yeah. Which is a

Dan: shit. yeah.

Sidey: And then Peter Andre, brave, brave Sir Robin.

Who has songs sung by his crew And he just runs away all the time. And then

Brienne of Tarth. First ever female knight in Westeros history. Darren Leithy, do Jedi knights count? Of course.

Reegs: they do, yeah.

Sidey: we didn't put a single one in there.

Reegs: I was hope Did that not already occur to you?

Dan: to

Sidey: so

Dan: he's just

Sidey: He hasn't, he's just, again, he's just like gone All of those.

And then he's gone for Knight Rider.

Reegs: Yeah,

Sidey: And then we have acting Knights. Sir Michael Kane. Sir Ian Macallan. Sir Patrick Stewart and Sir Ben Kingsley. Yeah.

Reegs: I was trying to think earlier, wasn't I of sirs who aren't actors who've been in movies, but I drew a complete blank. I

Sidey: Well, I was thinking of like, not movies, but at Bro so's been on the tele loads stuff.

And then we've got Sir Digby Chicken Caesar from the Mitchell Webb look and

Dan: Oh, that was brilliant, that scene. Sir James Bond,

Sidey: Sir James Bond, there's a Sir James Bond in the original Casino Royale, the David Niven,

Reegs: Well, I never,

Sidey: Yeah, so there you go, all of those and possibly others to be nominated.

Reegs: We have a surf fit of them.

Sidey: Oh, very good.

Dan: It's, yeah. loads

Sidey: if you've got any more sirs, let us know and we will put them up for consideration.

Dan: The Green Knight.

Reegs: Yes.

Dan: never seen it

Reegs: No,

Dan: No sadly I didn't get to watch this, but I had seen it and it kind of piqued my interest until I crept in to look at the reviews of it and thought, I know whether this is strong, you know, but it piqued my interest. So,

Sidey: I didn't see how this was received when it came out.

Dan: It wasn't received well.

Sidey: know anything about how it was received until To do my research having seen it. Yeah, same.

Dan: So this was

Sidey: didn't really know much about it.

Dan: it was way before you'd mentioned it that it already, you know, it was one of those that I wasn't going, ah, this didn't seem to get great reviews. So I wasn't going to watch it. But I would have watched it for the pod, but unfortunately I didn't. So I'm

Sidey: Well, I didn't really

'cause. When we were chatting off Mike. Yeah. I said it wasn't what I was expecting, but I have actually got no idea what I was

Reegs: was expecting,

Sidey: I

think

Reegs: no idea what I was expecting. I think Fantasy? Yeah, I knew it was going

Dan: thought he

Sidey: so I even thought he was going to be the Green Knight. That's how little I knew about

Reegs: like that.

Dan: was to

Reegs: And I was sort of more surprised again to find out it was like an A24 movie. It was

Sidey: So so when

Reegs: as that comes up, you're

Sidey: know, you're gonna get some kind of hipster y kind of thing, I

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: What you might

Reegs: It's going to do.

Dan: 24.

Sidey: We've seen

a few other things a ghost story.

Reegs: always do genre movies, but they always do them in like.

artsy ways. The director of this one did a ghost story that we reviewed for the pod, which was an A24. Yeah. Which I absolutely loved. So I didn't know any of that either. I didn't know this was a David Lowery

Sidey: No, no, no, me neither. Mike's brother. And it starts off with a dude, kind of Dev Patel. Yeah. Just positioned in front of you, sat on a throne I guess, or whatever. And his crown

Is hovering and comes down and the voice you need to subtitles.

I couldn't understand the fuck they were saying

Reegs: Well I just assumed, it's just atmosphere more than anything, it's like the general vibe of the poem. I guess it was some lines from the

Sidey: the directors having researched afterwards It was the director and his wife speaking at the same time and then effect with some effects to give it this kind of spooky Voice and then it's just this whole head just catches fire

Reegs: Yeah. He goes all ghost rider. Yeah. And and a voice telling you words to the effect of something like this is not the story of the boy who pulled the sword from the stone.

This is a new tale. So it already sets the, like, okay, we're in like Arthurian type legend. And then after that it's Christmas morning, there's a goat and a duck. Having a fight outside a stable. And you've got like, dev Patel is garan. Sir Garwin, he's, he's not Sir Garwin, yeah, he's just Garwin, is he? He's a wastrel he's Arthur's nephew, he's just, he spends his time drinking and,

Sidey: philandering

Reegs: with a commoner called Essel who loves him very dearly.

Cheers,

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: And,

Dan: care, young and Carefree.

Reegs: His mother who is, what's her name? Lafay? Morgan Lafay. She's like a, I kind of know the story of Arthur in that she's like a witchy type

thing. And she is Arthur's sister or half sister?

Sidey: she seemed to me like a sort of Benny Jesuit from the Dune stories. This kind of mystical, kind of spellcasting runes and all that sort of stuff. Yeah.

Reegs: So yeah, he comes back.

He sort of goes back to camelot. But it's quite an earthy sort of camelot as well It's not all

Sidey: Yeah, it's, it's down and dirty, this is not all Modcons, this is

Dan: is mud

Sidey: and water and mud and it's grimy,

We're gonna see the King and Queen and they look like shit.

Reegs: Yeah, yeah. And everybody speaking in kind of whispers to each other a lot of the time and there's some sort of talking about his legacy and passing on his reign. You can see that Arthur, who doesn't have a son of his own, like, dotes on his nephew and his nephew sort of idolizes him as well.

And the Queen Guinevere is, is there too. Also orchestrating things.

Dan: Quite interesting you say that they, they were, you know, not, they were looking shit. They weren't like all posh. Is that, is that what you mean? That they were,

Sidey: well, they're, they're obviously, they, they've got the kind of round table effect, haven't they?

They've got you don't really notice it at first, but when, when they've got the court there the king and queen are at the front of it, and then there's all these people and, and later on we get a shot from behind. You can see it is kind of a round table. And this is a bit where it starts to go a bit kind of fantastical, I guess, because you, it's interspersed with the shots of this mother character and some other ladies and they're, they're doing this rune.

They've got this design of like pointy sticks pointing into a circle. There's a tooth pulled out from a jawbone and put on the floor and then there's some flames and it creates this poem which then floats up in the air and goes off and arrives. But when we see the The king, queen, the king, he talks about his queen and then she speaks, but her eyes are like, she really looks fucking like, not in great nick.

But they, I like the design of the crown because they've got the, you know, when you see him on like stained glass windows where the people have got the, almost like a halo effect. That's what their crowns look like.

Reegs: like.

Sidey: So they've got this disc up at the back of their head.

Reegs: disc, yeah, it is, yeah. And So the thing about Garwin is he hasn't proved himself yet. There's a lot of talk about how he's like invited to tell stories of his adventures, like great nights, but he doesn't have

Sidey: I've got nothing i've got nothing to tell

Reegs: So yeah, she's performing, his mother is performing this dark blood ritual magic thing at the same time.

And then they're all talking about these great adventures they want. And then suddenly the green night rocks up at the

Sidey: Yeah.

it's, and He's there on horseback quite, quite far away there sort of looking down the corridor. And he is right at the end and it almost silhouetted and the king hold, they all pull their swords. All the knight and the king's like, no. And sort of beckons him on with his hand.

He just does that. Just wants to see what the gig's got to say, you know?

Reegs: And he's this kind of weird sort of greeny tree monster

Sidey: cross between, I would say cross between

Gro

from guidance, the Galaxy

and like Tree Beard from Lord

of the Rings and End

Reegs: Ent. He's

Dan: Okay. Yeah. It's got a little bit of everything going

on.

Reegs: is

Sidey: he's wooden. Like he is wooden and he is wielding a kind of first he's just got a branch, so he wings to the floor. Yeah. And then he is, he's got a. It seems like a magic axe.

Reegs: Yes. And he hands them a letter which Guinevere intercepts to read, and it goes all like demonic when she reads it, sort of, Evil Dead 2 vibes, and she

Dan: So if it wasn't weird before, it just got weird then at

Sidey: Yeah, it gets real weird. Yeah.

Reegs: and she reads, basically, it's a challenge, and you can land any blow. on him will win, you know, his respect or whatever, he'll win his green axe but next year, a year later, you have to travel to the Green Chapel and I'll land the same blow back on you. And so

Sidey: which then you kind of question the decision to cut off his head.

Reegs: Well, the king says to him, it's only a game.

He whispers to him, it's only a game to Gawain and obviously seeking his adulation and all that sort of stuff. So he does in fact, behead

Sidey: Yeah, he, he.

He's got this enormous battle axe which he just lays on the floor and things start to grow.

It's a bit like Moana when they put the heart in. He puts his axe down and things start to grow on the stone floor. But he just kneels and just, they're all, they're all waiting.

Reegs: I'm pretty sure he offers, he says, cut my head or scratch on the cheek, it's up to you. I'm pretty sure he says that to him, so you've already seen his hubris because he stands, he wants to stand in front of the men, and kill the green, you know, the, the green knight,

Dan: And the green knight is a character they fear then?

Or he

Sidey: I've never seen him before.

Reegs: he just rocks up, but everybody's kind of scared

Sidey: He's, he's big stature. He's not like giant, but he's just a big in stature. He's intimidating and things get spooky when he's there. Like the queen speaks in tongues almost. So they're all a bit taken aback by what is this witchcraft,

Dan: you

Reegs: bit taken aback by what is this witchcraft,

Sidey: One year hence, isn't

Reegs: I'll be back basically in a

Dan: See you next year. Yeah.

Reegs: And then he runs off, gets on his horse and like laughing like a fucking maniac, carrying his own head as he rides and the Knights all burst into applause, the Knights of the round table burst into applause for Garwin and you know, he's the great hero.

And next we see his story being told in a puppet show to kids, you know, is,

Sidey: punch and JD style, yeah,

Reegs: It's spread far and wide. But he's still just kind of drinking off it and. life.

Dan: But it's, it's down the line then. There's something in the post for him.

Reegs: the poster. And if he doesn't what? Bringing hell with him.

Well I don't

Dan: And if he doesn't, what?

Reegs: I

Dan: He's bringing hell with him.

Sidey: But I don't think they're really, I can't remember if they give him like a proper ultimatum say or will kill you or anything like that. It's just accepted

Reegs: Well, a lot of this

Sidey: he is going to do it.

Reegs: Well, it's also, you know, a lot of this is about the pursuit of honour, right? So, the option of not doing it would be dishonourable. You can't

Dan: yeah, sure

Reegs: Yeah, so that's like, not even on the table, that option.

Because, of course, you know,

Dan: this

Reegs: winning the respect

Dan: me, straight away wondering how I can get out of it, but

Reegs: Well, we'll see, because maybe that comes back a little

Sidey: so he has to he has to go on a journey to get to the green chapel, doesn't he?

Reegs: Yeah

He does. He's given this green axe and this special green girdle by his mum and told that it will always protect you. Don't lose it. It will always protect you. As long as you got this, no harm can come to you. This green girdle and this green axe and then he sets up off on this journey and it is like an episodic journey.

We go on like a few little small stories now of his journey now to the Green Chapel.

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: the first one, it starts with this great steadicam shot as well as journey with the shepherds and all this shit. Cool. And the first one he meets Barry Keoghan on the battle, scavenging the battlefield. And he's like this immediately like off putting weird vibe.

To him and it's not really much of a surprise when he double crosses it. He tries to

Sidey: He gives him some directions,

Reegs: directions. Yeah, and then it turns out the directions are to an ambush

Sidey: a trap.

Reegs: Yeah and then the great dev patel Garwin is like has all his stuff taken including the axe and the girdle so straight away loses his important positions and um

Is left under this tree

Sidey: bound and tied, yeah, and he has to

Reegs: he hallucinates his own death, doesn't he? Mm-Hmm.

Sidey: But he's found there's still a knife or a sword which he has to try and cut the the the bindings knackers all his hand while he's doing it, but he does eventually get free but he's lost I think the green girdle particularly protective of that when they go to take it He's like no, no, don't fucking do that.

Don't take that

Reegs: That's the thing protecting him. And the axe of course is the, the weapon that he's going to use to kill them. Green Knight, or whatever's gonna happen in his confrontation. So he carries on his journey when he gets free from his bindings, and he ends up at an abandoned cottage. Another really weird sequence where he meets a woman who tells him to go and fetch something from a spring.

And when he gets there, it turns out it's her head. And she's been like a ghost all along. He takes it back to, to the cottage and replaces the skull back on the

Sidey: skeleton.

Yeah. 'cause she's talking to him and, and she says there's a thing in there I haven't been able to get there to, to retrieve it.

But she's just a normal person. Normal. She's, you know, appropriately dressed and whatever. Yeah. And then it turns out to be heaven and he goes back to the cottage.

There's a decayed, you know, corpse. Yeah, it's

Dan: right. So he is

Reegs: But after conquering that he gets the green axe comes back like, you know, he

Dan: oh, it magically comes

Reegs: basically, yeah, he finds it the next morning after putting the corpse his head back with it. And then he carries on the journey.

Sidey: He finds a fox.

Sheltered

Reegs: from the rain in a cave where he finds the fox.

This fox has been in and out of the story anyway. And they become friends and They eat together and share fire together and they go off on the next stage of his journey together It's great The two of them silhouetted against the sky and walking along and they come across this Great valley with these giants walking through it.

One of them nursing a giant baby and

Really head fucky visuals He asks one I think for directions and then a lift and and then it goes to grab him and the fox like

Sidey: the fox,

Reegs: the fox like Barks at it and tells it not to and then they just, the giants all like breathe deep and sing like sirens like it's crazy

Anyway, they eventually reach a castle where Joel Edgar, Edgarton and his missus are there, the lord and lady of whatever this castle is and

Dan: got his girdle back at this

Reegs: Not yet, and it turns out as well that Edgarton's missus

is Basically the doppelganger of Essel, the girl that he left behind and he still carries a token for

Dan: the one that, the beginning where he, he kind

Reegs: Yeah, because it had been it interspersed is a lot of talk about What would be enough like could he come back and marry her and all that sort of stuff? She wants that

Dan: Right.

Reegs: what would he do? And anyway, there's a load of weird, freaky shit dialogue that goes on in this. I mean, immediately the lady of the house tries to start seducing him.

The there's like a flirty exchange in a library and then eventually. Well he's told you can have anything from the house, Joel Ettingen, the, the lord tells him you can have anything from the house and it turns out what he has from the house is a handjob from his missus where he sort of prematurely jizzes over the

Sidey: Yeah, it's back.

Reegs: the girdle's back, yeah.

She makes a new girdle which strongly looks exactly like the old

Sidey: she explains all the, it's got such and such a rune, which means that blah, and as long as you're wearing it, no harm can come to you, and you're like, hang on a minute, that's the Yeah, but with more jizz on this one.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: She gets on top of him and kind of rides him, or is she jerking him off,

Reegs: It was not a hundred percent, I think she was jerking him off, but he ends up with a lot of jizz on his own hand, which is a bit Mmm. So, yeah, that was quite clear, the jizz. So, and he's I think, did we even briefly see his cock? I'm not

Sidey: briefly see his cock? I'm not he's

Reegs: he's a bit shamed after this, and he kind of hurriedly flees the castle. And then bumps into the

Well, just before that is where he meets the Lord as he's running away from the castle and they have a real smoochy horny kiss in the, in the woods.

It's really cool.

Dan: Has he still got has he washed his hands?

Sidey: Yeah

Reegs: I don't know. Yeah. And then cause that's when the Lord says, Oh, I captured your Fox here. It is And they run off down to the stream.

Sidey: Yeah. And the fox talks to him. It hadn't, it hadn't spoken of him

Dan: What, what does, what does the fox

Sidey: It's telling him to turn back.

Reegs: Yeah.

Dan: I'd listen to a fox if

Sidey: I would as well. I don't think I, because, you know, like any wild animal, they might appear to be friendly for a time, but a fox is ultimately,

Dan: Were they cunning?

Reegs: He also criticizes him explicitly for having the jizz stained girdle, doesn't he? He shames him for it. I was looking for a Fox cinematic tie in with the Antichrist movie with Lars Von Trier.

Anyway. So he bins the fox off, chases it away, and takes the boat to the Green Chapel. And then he sort of has to wait, because that, the knight, the Green Knight is there in a chair, but kind of hibernated or sort of frozen

Sidey: yeah he's waiting

Dan: recovering from the head maybe

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: recovered from that because he's always seems to be intact but he's waiting it's just he just operates on christmas day christmas day alone

Reegs: kneels and waits for what looks like a day and a half for his fate to be decided.

And then the Green Knight wakes up and Goes to, you know, straight away. He's like, oh, you're here, right? I'm gonna get the axe and the guy he puts his head down he and he's like, well, is that all there is? He's like, well, what else did you think it was gonna be? And then he just like kneels for the blow again and you can see like, oh my god, this is my destiny This is what it's gonna be.

I'm gonna die and then he fucking pikes it and runs away

Sidey: Well, there's a few exchanges first, isn't there? Because the knight goes, you're, you're flinching. Yeah. I didn't flinch, you know, what's the matter with you? Sort of thing. And he's like, sorry, I just, you know, It's

Reegs: Never been beheaded before, it's like It's

Sidey: real than I thought it was going to be.

And he's like, Okay, well, fight. Yeah, put yourself together. It goes again. And this time he properly moves out of the way. And he's like, What the fuck, you know, I took my blow you have to take yours.

Reegs: yeah, it's your turn to take

Sidey: And the third time, yeah, he just fucking runs

Reegs: He runs off, past all the people he's met on the way Pretty much, back to Camelot He

Dan: Cause he, he probably realises that he can't pick up his

head.

Reegs: He

Sidey: He does, he does apologize on his way out. He

Dan: Yeah, well, okay.

Reegs: way out.

Oh, okay. With Essel. Gets all he ever wanted. Yeah, exactly. And

Sidey: With Essel. With Essel. Yeah.

Dan: He gets all he ever wanted.

Sidey: Yeah. Yeah.

Reegs: baby ripped away from her, like on the,

Sidey: She doesn't have status.

Reegs: Yeah, she's a commoner. So the, the, she's binned off and he marries a noble woman, you know, so he can be the honorable king that there's always been, but he's a bloodthirsty king.

He's a hated king. His son dies in battle quite young. So, you know, you see all this in the space of four or five minutes.

Dan: is all the karma

Reegs: Yeah, and eventually you see all of the people in his life, his advisors, the people around him, his family, sort of slowly move away until he's left pretty much on his own. And the doors are being pounded in as some army, unknown

Sidey: They're under siege on that. Yeah

Reegs: And so he takes off the green girdle that he's been wearing this whole time. And then his head just and he dies. And then it zooms back to the green night in the green nights chamber.

Dan: right

Reegs: Where he's still there waiting for a blow, right?

Dan: he's lived his whole life And still the blow has not come because he wasn't allowed to escape.

Reegs: was just a kind of vision and he's just kind of been standing there the whole time at that kind of initial first encounter and then he This time takes the girdle off and puts his head down and like goes to accept his fate

Sidey: Yeah. To behead

Reegs: I don't, you know, to not choose that life essentially was my interpretation of that ending.

And the kind of he runs his finger, the green knight across his neck. It's never clear definitely what he's going to do to him. And he says, now off with your head. And he gives like a little laugh and then you just, it cuts to the credits.

Dan: So You

don't see his head go

Reegs: don't.

Dan: So

it could be a

I don't think so.

Sidey: No, I don't think so.

Reegs: so.

Yeah,

Sidey: yeah, girl takes the crown.

Reegs: found this utterly,

Sidey: Yeah. I found this utterly, utterly baffling, I have to say. Quite compelling. Compelling. Like I was, I was like completely all in. I was just like, what's going on?

You know when Homer watches his advert for Mr. Plow? The one that he gets the fancy advertising company to

Reegs: he doesn't

Sidey: And he doesn't know what it means or if it's any good or not. It was a bit like that. I feel like, I think I enjoyed that. But.

Reegs: don't think you have to know a fucking thing. I don't know anything about 14th century poems or anything and shit. But this was all like atmosphere and tone and weirdness and like cool stories. It looks amazing. Yeah. It, it's dark and kind of sexy and weird.

Sidey: God people, I don't know. I it's like someone put something in my drink Not

Reegs: it like really kind of, not in a pretentious way, but it pro it retains that feel of the sense of the original poem, but not in a way that makes you feel like you're like having to be abstracted away from it or anything. Like, it's, it's it, yeah. It's, it's an

Dan: It did sound interesting. It was a lot it's a lot

Sidey: there's

Dan: to what I, it's a lot, there's a lot in there and it's a lot different to what I thought, but who would think anything like those kind of storylines because it's, it's just wild with giants and,

Sidey: No, you think, was it something, because he's, he's basically like a booze hound, he's he's sleeping with prostitutes.

Dan: with prostitutes. That kind

Sidey: his mother.

Reegs: Basic. That was how I interpreted it, that she was orchestrating events. Morgan Le Fay was a famous witch, I think, in the stories and was kind of a bit of a neme maybe a nemesis or at least a sort of, you know, bad actor or whatever.

She was orchestrating events certainly here to give her wastrel son a lesson or a myth or an adventure. and then it just obviously, I don't know how many things were from the original poem or anything. I didn't get the chance to like that, but I suspect it was like an amalgamation of lots of different like bits of culture from the 14th and 15th century, all like amalgamated in this big, like cool, like weird visual thing.

Dan: Amazing, okay.

Sidey: It wasn't hugely well received.

Dan: No.

Sidey: But and

when you watch it, you can kind of get that because It you're going to have an opinion on it when you watch it. It's not going to be something you go

you know, it's quite out there, you know, So doesn't have great metrics when you look at that, but it really it's not about that

Dan: You will get, you will get,

Sidey: You will get yeah, you will do you get people who think it's just really pretentious You'll get other people who really like the visual style.

I like really like the visual style

Really baffling.

I you know, I just I enjoyed it. I got a kick out of it. I don't know I really got all the messages

Dan: know. I'm gonna, I, I'll report

Sidey: It's definitely, you know,

Reegs: it's like arty, you know, it's long stretches with no dialogue and you know, it's, yeah.

Sidey: sometimes

I

Reegs: based on an anonymous poem. I mean, it

Dan: yeah.

Sidey: Sometimes I wasn't, you know, I wasn't getting how one thing connected to the next bit that you're showing. I don't know what's happened. I don't know if I'm like

missing

Reegs: this,

Dan: this, this Green Knight and his like group.

Look

Reegs: The fox I think

Dan: and the fox as well, you know that that's and the giants that all sounds Really quite interested in bizarre

Sidey: I found it compelling. Yeah.

Dan: well I I shall it sounds like

Sidey: It it

is a strong one,

Reegs: Oh, I fucking, oh, look at that.

Dan: shut

Reegs: He did?

Dan: Yeah watches today with nelly

Sidey: So when it got nominated, I was like, I've definitely watched that around the time that my daughter was watching this age group of things. And then when I watched it, I was like, this doesn't, this is not how I remember it at all. I thought it had a really good look to it. Let's get into the aesthetic straight away.

Fucking garbage.

Reegs: I went for the last episode of season

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: So, maybe it got better? I don't know. But yes, it's hideously hideously ugly.

Sidey: It's when, Computer technology was getting good enough to animate this sort of stuff. It was, you know, there was a various demos flyer. It has that sort of look of like early computer animation, like pre pre toy story.

So, good enough that you can recognize that that's a human. But dreadful. Dreadful.

Reegs: Too many polygons, or not enough polygons, or something about polygons. But yeah, those.

Dan: wasn't working.

Yeah.

it looked really budget

Reegs: really budget.

Yeah.

they're

Dan: itching your skin as soon as you turn this on and there's it starts strong and then gets worse

Reegs: Yeah,

Dan: I like I like a bard well, I think that was the best bit about this.

Reegs: No.

Sidey: I used to play Dungeons and Dragons and what have you Bard would be a class of character and no one would ever, ever pick that

Reegs: Agreed. Agreed. That's Bard has got to be the worst

Dan: Bard, Bard, yeah, he would tell the story. Yeah,

Reegs: Yeah. What I

Dan: On his loot.

Reegs: And, but we obviously, we all hated this. Did we?

Sidey: Oh god, it's dreadful.

Dan: This

Reegs: We can start

Dan: that this was

Sidey: Dan watched it with a child, and even the child hated

Dan: Nelly was saying how long does this go on for how long this is going on for a million years. We're like six minutes in

Reegs: Well it went on for 130 episodes, Daniel. Yeah.

Dan: well we we only watched

Sidey: this probably got churned out. Dead easy, because they had some sort of computer thing algorithm, algorithm, and yeah, it's, oh, nasty.

And the particular story here is that he's been told to shut the fuck up by his mother.

Reegs: Yeah. He's playing like dragons with a real dragon. One of whom it happens to be Spanish,

Sidey: Right. Yeah, his mum's like, why don't you shut up?

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: I

really was like, backing her

Reegs: empathizing with this one. yeah. but she had a pointless task to do.

She had to, she they were making thousand berry

Dan: Counting blueberries or something and she was making pancakes and then The, all his friends, the dragons and they wanted to play this one game called standing

Reegs: Big

Dan: what big eyed statues. But he didn't, he wanted this other loud annoying game.

Reegs: So basically there's a really confusing suiting up sequence, which I assume they do every episode where he kind of suits up as Mike the knight gets on a horse to spread his mission of being

Dan: gets on a horse and spread his mission of being quiet. So at this

Reegs: So at this point, I realized, so he goes off and he has various interactions with other people, the villages and there's some misunderstanding with an anvil and stuff, very much like Shutter Island. He's in this

Sidey: that he's

Reegs: knight and everybody's indulging

this fantasy to him, including his mother.

So,

Sidey: And then he's lobotomized at the end.

Reegs: thank God, thank God, because he won't shut

Dan: Well, basically, he wants everybody to shut up because otherwise he's not going to get pancakes, I think is how he's, is, it gets to, to this stage.

And to do that, he's shouting at everybody to shut up. I think There's an anvil a guy a blacksmith, isn't there? And he's saying that's too loud. Although it's not bothering anyone is bothering him at that moment

Reegs: He's on a horse in a suit of armour, trying to be quiet.

Sidey: Yeah, he's gonna be making a shitload of noise.

Reegs: eventually that is the, we

Dan: That's the realization, isn't

Reegs: Yeah, I mean there's some trolls and shit, but eventually realisation is that he's being louder trying to make everybody quiet than he would be if he just shut the fuck up!

Shut up!

Dan: Yeah

Reegs: Yeah.

Dan: And then they end up playing the, the game and everyone had so much fun with the wide

Reegs: They all died of cholera

Dan: Oh, this was awful.

Reegs: awful. But you can console yourself with the fact that he doesn't have a father at least who never features in it, I don't think. Really? Yeah. He's off fighting battles

in

Sidey: think.

Really? Yeah.

Reegs: Well he's just abandoned

Sidey: fighting

battles

Reegs: a whiny little shit.

It wouldn't shut up.

Dan: Well

Sidey: Emblem. Yeah. Alliance just abandoned him. He's

Dan: But the script doesn't save it.

Sidey: shit, shut up. The script doesn't save it. Or the card.

Dan: And it gets worse. How did this get on for 130 episodes?

There's been far better stuff.

Reegs: far better started,

right? Maybe

Dan: we watched the worst episode ever of this.

Reegs: the worst episode of this? Tell us the episode

Dan: Tell us the episode we should watch.

Sidey: does the artistic Style i'd be interested to know

Reegs: I,

wouldn't be interested to know. I'd

Dan: I, I'd need somebody to

Sidey: I just can't believe you would look at this once to think. Yeah, I want to see more of that

Reegs: I don't get the concept. The pitch should never have got past the pitch stage this. How do you, there's no toys that you can make.

Sidey: the knight's kind of

Reegs: like,

Dan: I think that's it, it's just marketing, you know.

Hmm. Ryan's World.

Sidey: Not a fan

Dan: Not a

fan.

Reegs: No.

Dan: Other than that, yeah.

Well,

look at you and your DJ skills.

Sidey: Yep. Night, week, strong. What did I enjoyed the green night.

Didn't really get on with Shutter Island still. And on the fence about Mike the Knight.

Reegs: Knife.

On the fence! On the fence!

Sidey: the fence, yeah.

Dan: Yeah, it was an interesting week, you know. It would have been more interesting if I'd seen all the films, I'm sure. But it was interesting listening to you anyway.

Reegs: I can say that I enjoyed a fantasy film. And I enjoyed Shutter Island. So, you know, I've learnt

Dan: learnt something. We don't know quite,

Sidey: We will do. We don't know quite who's gonna be here next week. Us three will be here, I'd imagine.

Possibly Pete. And Chris, when he, Chris put in his holiday form, he said two, maybe three weeks. So this is two weeks. So maybe he'll be here, maybe he won't. We just don't know.

Reegs: don't

Dan: And we, we've

Reegs: to talk to his line manager I think

Sidey: Yeah. Oh, we're planning ahead as well. We're planning episode 500. We're planning our Christmas party. It's all happening at Bad Dad's HQ, isn't it?

Dan: Yeah. Go, go,

Reegs: anything too amazing. I would you can come to the

Sidey: you can come to the party. Oh shit.

Reegs: December the 14th. I

Sidey: something to bring today and I forgot to bring it. It was acquired at the auction.

Dan: Are you gonna save it for next

Sidey: Yeah, I'll say it for next

Dan: Okay. Right.

Sidey: Could be a could, we could just amass Christmas gifts. Just send out. But anyway that's getting ahead of herself 'cause it's only September, you know,

Yeah, exactly. All that remains is to say sidey signing out.

Reegs: Reegs is also gone.

Dan: Dan's gone.

Reegs: No, no,

Sidey: Dan's left the building.

Reegs: unfavourable. Ha ha ha!