Rambo Last Blood & John Dillermand

Rambo Last Blood

Reegs: Welcome to Bad Dad's Film Review. Fresh from a P. Diddy freak off, we're the podcast that likes to think of ourselves as the critics the film world didn't ask for, and definitely doesn't need. We've been threatening to do a name based episode for a while now, and Peter is the man who's finally pulled the trigger, theming this week's show around the first name John, and it's derivatives, I think, is what you put in the chat.

So that means various names are up for grabs, including John's posh cousin Jonathan, it's weird cousin Jack, or Johnny, the cousin you find on the floor of a KFC toilet. After starting things off with the top five Johns, we're reviewing pro Trump border policy propaganda and part time Rambo movie, Rambo Last Breath.

Before we take a look at a tale as old as time, a man whose penis gets him into trouble. With bonkers stop motion animated TV series John Dillerman, a Danish children's television show about a man with an elastic semi sentient schlong, pedophile marketing and sexual abuse normalization tool, or a harrowing depiction of unrealistic male body standards, or simply an absurd look at being true to yourself and the consequences of your actions.

Find out as we struggle to take it all in. Joining me on this rollercoaster of mediocre movie insights and attempted humor is grandpa of the group, Dan. He's older than your parents, and he probably has their outdated opinions, too. Uh, There's Peter. He's a pirate as well this week, apparently. There's Peter.

He has a lot of children at home. Some of them are his. And then, last but not least, we've got Sidey, or should I say, an actual Jonathan in the wild, here to add a little realism.

Sidey: say I was in captivity right now.

Dan: Yeah, either way you are the john you are the leading

Pete: Yeah, this is a bit of an homage to

Well, my it's any calling you, any iteration of your actual real name makes me feel a little bit queasy. 'cause you are side or sidey.

Dan: Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah,

Reegs: that. But you're, yeah, you're a than,

Sidey: not a Thon.

Pete: Joe Nathan,

Reegs: Is that, do you think there could ever become like a civil war of Nathans versus Nothans? Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah, it's a thing. Yeah, of course it does. Yeah, the,

Dan: Yeah, well that's the, that's what you get for having a long name that

Sidey: long name.

Jonah,

Reegs: having such a hot

name.

Pete: Johnna, thanks.

Reegs: anyone

Sidey: I did, actually.

Dan: I

I did, actually I watched a, a thing called

Sidey: Oh

yeah,

Dan: yeah, Dumb Money. It was around the GameStop Did you ever catch that at the, at the time that some internet kind of personalities got together and decided this stock

Sidey: stock. Someone was trying to short it,

Dan: Yeah, the, the, the hedge funds were shorten it, saying, look, nobody goes to them, we're just gonna shorten this stock.

But they actually liked the company or went there a couple of times and bought games and he said, I like the stock.

Then lots of different people started to buy it and it became a thing where

Reegs: I think it was mostly a Reddit thing, I think it spread from Reddit, didn't it? And,

Dan: So, yeah, so it was like that from an our reddit thing, you know, and they had I know 50 grand that turned into 50 million through the stock going up so much and then it came down and it was all about who was going to sell out and hold and people were just

Reegs: think, or I remember laughing at it, the story, because the way it was being reported is it seemed like a bunch of stockbrokers were like crying about a bunch of gamers manipulating the stock market.

You're like, Oh God, my heart fucking bleeds.

Dan: it was kind of like that and they actually went through a partner called Robin Hood at the time who were the couriers to, yeah, so something like that. Yeah. And the money would go into Robin Hood and they'd buy the stock from them. But then the Robin Hood thing stopped. And they couldn't buy or sell for a period of time and they were feeling like this might be

Pete: Oh, I'll be honest. I don't know what anyone's talking about like

Sidey: what anyone's the, the I think the securities commission or the stock market themselves can stop trading, can pause trading on a stock if they think it's being manipulated to that extent.

Dan: mean it went up to congress and everything but it was an interesting story.

I enjoyed it Yeah, it was paul dano was yeah paul daniels. He was in it was magic

What about you guys see anything

Pete: well, I, I completed for, yeah, on a number of occasions now, but I completed Game of Thrones and

Dan: What's that five times through

Pete: could be, could be, I can't remember now, but yeah, yeah, the last Christ. What I have found annoyingly is that,

A lot

of like, Saidi's opinions have, have taken a long sort of like time to arrive at the same

Sidey: Yeah, just listen to me.

Pete: with, out the gate with.

All of the Daenerys stuff really was fucking heavy weather this time round, really.

And like I didn't need you to tell me that the last episode or just like the Conclusions that were drawn to

Sidey: there's that one shot where she walks out of a massive archway and the dragon behind her does the wings, that's really

Pete: that is

Sidey: But the rest of it is garbage. I saw an

Reegs: saw an interview with Kit Harington and he was basically like, We were all, no, he was, he was like, it was a bit of shit, but we were all fucked. Everybody had just been working nonstop, like at this horrendous pace for, for years and years and years.

And they, they just all needed it to stop. And even George R. R. Martin, who basically pulled the story out of his fucking ass, like, so they suddenly had to put like five years of ideas worth together and everybody's fucked and they knew they were rushing it. And they, but what could they do? They were going to burn out.

They weren't going to be able to do it.

Pete: do? It

would burn out. in the sort of space that you would do a film.

Sidey: I just think that's a really fucking flimsy shit excuse, but

Pete: But they just, they,

Sidey: set up all those plot strands. You did it You made the decision to make all those

Pete: Yeah, Yeah,

Sidey: and then you just didn't

Pete: No, no, no, that, that,

Sidey: I don't accept I don't accept that We were tired. I'm tired at work. Okay, I didn't get the fucking

Pete: Yeah. Like it doesn't, it doesn't excuse the really like

limp

Sidey: do your fucking job properly

Pete: to the like, to the like the

Reegs: You can understand how it happened that

Sidey: They just had too much to finish off in the amount of time they had left, but that's the problem of their own

Pete: but they still could have done it.

Game of throne style.

Reegs: style. One of the great things is how slow the pace of it is, especially at the

Sidey: beginning. Yeah,

Dan: Yeah, they could have ended at any point. They could have just had the White Walkers come through and take it all.

Sidey: Yeah, should have done.

Dan: Boom. And it's actually, what? Yeah.

Fuck. And then they

can bring it back in another hundred years and say,

Pete: The only other thing I watch is the first episode of the third season of Vikings Valhalla, which I was which I enjoyed the first two series of. So, and yeah, it starts off pretty well, this one as

Sidey: What about you riggs?

Reegs: I can't remember whether I've mentioned this, but Colin from accounts

I've

Sidey: Oh, yeah

Dan: Oh, I watched, yeah, is it good? Right. Okay,

Reegs: really

Dan: I looked at it last night actually, I was looking at things to watch but I didn't

Reegs: It's not at all what I expected it to be, especially from the title, I guess I had

Yes.

Dan: Right, okay. Yeah, didn't know that

Sidey: watched two films, Maze Runner, something, something, something, but I was pretty pissed, really tell you if they were any good.

I don't think they were very

Dan: no, they're nothing I

Sidey: that was about it really, I think.

Dan: Cool. Right? Well we did we did Muppet Treasure Island for the midweek, which was Champion.

Reegs: Island for

Sidey: we sure did.

Reegs: midweek, which was champion. Sure did. that

Sidey: that was it. Yeah. Sir Anthony Hopkins was a late shout from Darren Lethley.

Reegs: From Transformers The Last Knight?

Sidey: Yes. Yeah. Because that would be a good two nights in one wouldn't it? Yeah, and probably his best role. I think we can agree Yeah, it's really

Reegs: There's literally a scene where he gets, like, bitch slapped by a robot and he A CGI Hopkins is flying around the

Pete: Anthony Hopkins was in one of the Transformers films.

Reegs: and he gets slapped about. A CGI

Hopkins gets fucking, like

smacked around the

Sidey: he had some caribbean village paper or something.

Pete: hell. Yeah,

Dan: Yeah, I must admit, I've not seen it.

Sidey: No, it's career

Dan: so Heath's in.

Reegs: Yeah, definitely.

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: Nice.

Nice. So it's top five johns,

Reegs: Yeah. I think there's really only one place to start, isn't there? Let's be honest.

With Pete, yeah. Let's go. Yeah.

Sidey: guy.

Pete: yeah,

Sidey: Well, I mean, there's just it's a common name, isn't it?

Dan: world of

Sidey: there are lots I've got characters or actors, or things. Yeah.

Should we just get out of the way? There's a few that are in The Big Lebowski, John

Reegs: uh, And

Sidey: John Goodman.

I'm going to say career highlights both.

Reegs: but certainly

Sidey: Well, certainly me watching their work. This is the two that I enjoy the most. Jesus Quintana

and Walter Soapjeck, but both played by Johns. We talked enough about that film, so I just wanted to get it

Reegs: wanted to get it out

Sidey: Yeah, two Js. Yeah.

Dan: Yeah Keanu Reeves played a few Johns in his time.

Reegs: yeah

Dan: So I just wanted to get those Johns out there. John Wick was one. And,

Reegs: He's played seven Johns.

Dan: Johns. He's

Pete: seven Johns in ten films.

Reegs: Yeah.

So he's obviously a John fan as well. The Johnny Mnemonic.

Dan: He looks like a Johnny even though he's a

Pete: Johnny Utah strong John.

Dan: Johnny

Pete: I'd

Dan: because he got the Utah

Pete: that his

Sidey: fan of the pod as well.

Johnny Utah.

Pete: I think I'd like to think that Mr. Anderson, his first name is John. Do we ever know find out what is what Neo's actual real first name is? Let's say it's John.

Reegs: it? I think it's

Pete: Is it?

Sidey: Oh, okay.

Dan: no

Pete: Yeah,

I think, I think Keanu Reeves is the most

Sidey: So what we've got, John Wick, John Mnemonic,

Dan: Well, certainly

films.

per John ratio.

Reegs: He, the other Johns were, he was Johnny something in the Bram Stoker

Sidey: Oh yeah.

Reegs: Hardwick.

Dan: Right,

Reegs: like that? John Whitt. Yeah. Constantine. Constantine Much ado about nothing. And a movie I've never even heard of until today. Generation. But he was a John in

Dan: in that.

Pete: I've got, he was someone called Johnny Silverhand in Cyberpunk 2077. He's a

Reegs: it is a video game. Yeah. Voice

Pete: another John that he's been.

He is the ultimate multi John.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: it? Who is

Reegs: Oh. Is it? Who is it?

Pete: Well, it's my turn, but if you want to go out of order,

Reegs: no, No, no, no, no, no, no,

Dan: sure it's not

Pete: Actually, no, you're not a John, so you don't get to choose. Somebody else who's played multiple Johns three that I counted is Mr. Schwarzenegger,

Dan: Alright.

Pete: And he has been in the absolute bangers that are Commando, where he is John

Sidey: john major is the greatest name ever

Pete: Yeah Eraser, he's John Kruger, another strong name, and Kindergarten Cop. Where is John

Sidey: kimball. Yeah

rhymes with thimble.

Pete: Yeah.

Commando being the strongest of those,

Sidey: John Matrix Hell of a name

Pete: a name, John Matrix. And it links nicely from Keanu Reeves.

Sidey: Yeah, I could segue

Pete: Schwarzenegger Matrix. I explained it, I shouldn't have done that.

Sorry. Yeah, you can have a go now, Simon.

Reegs: John Williams. Yeah. Nominated for, nominating for 52 Academy Awards.

Sidey: He'd be rolling in his grave, Homer said. Yeah. Is that

Reegs: He's won

Pete: that a

Reegs: Is that a record?

Pete: That must be a

Sidey: Yeah,

Reegs: is indeed. He still was working up until the Fablemans in 2022, when he was 90 and he was nominated. And,

Sidey: is he retired now? Yeah.

Slacker.

Reegs: if he was still working two years ago, who knows? I mean, unless you're deaf, basically you will have heard one of his movies.

Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Superman. He also did lost in space land of the giants jaws.

Dan: Incredible, really, innit?

Sidey: it? Incredibles?

Dan: Yeah. He didn't do that? Oh.

Reegs: Yeah. John Williams.

Sidey: Ooh. Let's have a look. Well, it's not an official name, actually, of a character, but Seven.

Celebrated sex offender, Kevin Spacey's character is known as John Doe, as in that's the name given to a corpse with no name, isn't it?

Yeah. And so that's the name he's given in the film. It's even uncredited in the film itself.

Reegs: he tells me doesn't want to give them their real name because he wants them to concentrate

Sidey: acts

Yeah.

Pete: who

he

Reegs: But it's the

thing they use in America,

right? And in fact

Dan: Jane Doe.

Sidey: Jane Doe, John Doe.

Yeah. It

Reegs: It actually comes from an obscure English legal thing. Doe vs. Roe when they were doing housing things, I think,

15th

Sidey: it was a legal guy, isn't he

Dan: me?

Pete: legal regal.

Reegs: Yeah,

no, it's they're both deer things, yeah.

Dan: so Ray and me.

Pete: God.

Dan: there we go. I've got John Wayne.

Sidey: The Duke,

Dan: the Duke. I mean,

Pete: Wasn't he a Nazi?

Reegs: I've got a list of his movies which sound like gay porn titles. Are you interested in that?

Dan: That's, that's why we're here.

Reegs: Men Without Women, Ride Em Cowboy, The Star Packer, Brown

Sidey: Star Packer, Browning,

Reegs: Harvard, Paradise Canyon, and Two Fisted Law.

Dan: Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Sidey: That's really good.

Dan: you go.

Pete: Were you going to say about

Dan: No, I want nothing to

Sidey: called him a Nazi, he was being

Pete: I called him a

Sidey: he was being interviewed by Barry Norman, remember him? Used to do the film on BBC

Dan: I used to like

Sidey: and he called Barry Norman a lefto pinky faggot, or something like that. Yeah, lefty pinko faggot I think is what he

Dan: Pinko Faggot I think it was

Reegs: Nicer than John Wayne

Dan: John Wayne anyway.

Pete: I don't I genuinely don't think I've seen a John Wayne

Sidey: Wayne film. John Wayne's

Reegs: Gremlins

Dan: his

real name? Gremlins 2.

Pete: Florence

Dan: and

the Machine.

Reegs: Yeah, no, he did have some It's not Flore Marion, wasn't

Dan: it? Marion,

Sidey: Marion.

Reegs: Yeah.

Pete: I was at

another one of these like really like manly people with a girl's name like Shirley Crabtree.

Dan: Yeah.

Reegs: Or Dan.

Dan: Yeah beat John Wayne then, where you can't.

Pete: no, I can't. I think, right, so, something I picked up on last time I was on here is that there's almost always an opportunity to get a Sean Connery impression in.

And I don't know who wants to take us out with the Sean Connery impression. I think you Dan, I haven't heard your Bane

Dan: No, I,

Pete: Bane impression for a while.

So, Sean Connery, and again, this is a film that I, I feel like I can now maybe try and get in every time I'm here, which is The Rock because he is John Mason. I'm not going to do it. You do it, Dan. Come

Dan: No, go on. You, you've got

Pete: No, I did it last time.

Dan: I'll tell you what I have got for you. I've got a game. I don't know whether now's the right

Sidey: time.

It's it's the best

Dan: a John

Reegs: Go on

Dan: okay. So, we, we've kind of,

Pete: we've

Dan: Flirted around the ideas of the game actually where we're connecting names to John so it could be John Johnny or John And it could be a film character or an

Sidey: so

Dan: I say if I say bad man, who's thinking

John?

now we're going

Pete: John, I'm going with John.

Dan: connect bad man opposite that is

Sidey: Oh

Pete: man. Oh, John. Good

Dan: now. Now. So I'm gonna give you, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you

Pete: I thought it was a film like that.

Dan: could be, could be. Who knows what's coming. .

Reegs: Alright,

Pete: I think this is going to go well.

Dan: see how many you can get.

Pete: Have we got

Reegs: Yeah, okay.

Dan: Okay. So put in your mind, John, Johnny, or John.

Pete: So, we've just got to shout one of those out.

Dan: what girl?

What g? There's a cryptic clue. It's opposite.

Reegs: That

Pete: Johnny

Dan: What girl? Think of, what could be opposite?

They're screaming

Pete: what I've got? The

Dan: the opposite. Okay,

well.

Sidey: John Boy.

Pete: Boy John Lovejoy.

Dan: Watson.

Pete: Watson.

Oh my god.

Sidey: John

isn't he?

Pete: John Watson?

Sidey: he?

Dan: He's Sherlock Holmes, John, isn't he?

Pete: Oh, is it?

Sidey: John

Dan: the doctor, Dr. John Watson. Okay, now we're getting it, right.

Pete: I get a point

Dan: that's rubbish. I'll give you a clue.

Sidey: Johnny. Johnny,

Dan: that's

rubbish. Johnny

No.

Sidey: Johnny

1. Goode.

Dan: Johnny

Bravo.

Sidey: I think mine's

Dan: There we go. It could have been okay. Candle.

John Wick. Reeds is streaking ahead.

Short

gold.

Pete: Long John Silver.

Dan: Pete, I think

Reegs: Alright, okay. I think I'm

Dan: Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay. Bank card.

Reegs: John

Sidey: Cash!

Dan: Johnny Cash, we got it. Fruit and veg.

Reegs: John Potato.

Dan: four,

three, two.

John Candy.

Pete: Tenuous

Dan: Bike girl.

Reegs: Bike girl.

Pete: Bite. Girl.

Sidey: Bite.

Dan: Bike. Bike.

Reegs: Oh, bike.

Pete: Oh.

Dan: Bike. Girl.

Sidey: Johnny Carson.

Dan: Yes

Pete: Surely daughter?

Dan: You all are locked on

Pete: hang on,

Dan: You are locked on one. He got it Pete. He got it.

Pete: not son Like son, daughter, boy, girl

Dan: Hold on. This is a tough one.

This Yeah,

Reegs: is a tough

Dan: This is

Pete: that

the clue?

Dan: Yeah. Hold on

Sidey: Hold on is the clue?

Dan: on

is the clue.

Pete: Let Go,

John Lithgow. What was it? Oh, I got

Dan: You got that, we'll have to go

Pete: he was in Cliffhanger as well.

Dan: And there you go, and that's the end of the game. I

Sidey: just stole it at the end. Bruh.

Dan: it was a fantastic win. Scored draws.

Sidey: Very good. I've completely lost track of where we were.

hard to get back on track,

Pete: Yeah.

Reegs: Oh, blimey. What about John Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich?

Dan: Loads of Johns,

Reegs: yeah.

Sidey: He did.

Reegs: was a lot of Johns in

Dan: taking John into the metaverse,

Reegs: That could be the most Johns there's ever been on screen at once,

Dan: there was loads of at one point.

Reegs: Yeah.

He

was in some good movies. He was in Red and Red 2.

Sidey: Red and Red 2. John Heder,

Heder, how we were saying

who was known and will always be known for Napoleon Dynamite.

Pete: He

played for

Reegs: of our lives.

J

Sidey: N, Yeah, he was

Reegs: N.

Sidey: N.

I also really like him in Blades of Glory.

Dan: Yeah,

He was good I

Sidey: good. He's good in that,

Dan: Funny. John Connor. Yeah.

Obviously a fighter, John. John McClane.

Reegs: yeah,

Pete: yeah.

yeah.

Dan: That's a strong name. Yeah.

Reegs: Look at all these

Pete: John McKay. It's still not as strong as John Matrix. I

Reegs: doesn't come any better than that, does Nah. Nah.

Pete: I've got a, I've just deleted all my Johns somehow. I've got, I've got, this is a strong one. See if you can guess the the film.

Dan: Okay.

Pete: John Spartan.

Reegs: Oh, that is Demolition Man.

Pete: That is correct. Played by

Dan: Sylvester.

Pete: Sylvester, who we will

Sidey: And the family stone

Pete: be talking about later also as a Jon.

Dan: okay. Do you know where John Dunbar

Sidey: No.

Dan: came from? Dunbar No.

Pete: Is a good game where you say the name of the character and then we have to guess

Dan: the, okay. This is

Pete: better than your game,

Dan: This is I could mind, I could mind what I'm doing.

Reegs: You're like one of those wavy arm man outside dancing.

Pete: Oh thingy. Yeah.

Dan: with, with,

Pete: Dances with

Reegs: Patrick

Dan: yeah, I was riding a wolf then. I don't know. As people so often

Yeah, it's gone

Pete: gone a little bit

Sidey: Abstract.

Pete: Yeah, yeah.

Dan: like that.

Pete: Who's, who's John is it? Who's John is it?

Sidey: a couple of people who are really famous and stuff. John Travolta.

Reegs: Yeah.

Pete: He is famous.

Sidey: John Hurt.

John Francis Daly. None of you will know who that is. He's an actor in Bones, the TV series. Anyone know that?

Pete: No.

Sidey: Nobody really, but I remember him. And then I've got my nomination because it's been going on long enough.

Reegs: enough. Yeah, alright.

Pete: had lots, lots of Johns. I've got a few more. John Milton is the character played by Al Pacino in The Devil's Advocate, which also links nicely to Keanu Reeves.

John Smith, anyone know who he is?

Do

you know who John Smith is? There's a character, but he goes by his nickname.

Reegs: Smithers.

Pete: No, his nickname is Hannibal.

So John Smith is the real name of the head of the A team. Which is really

Dan: That's like when that

Pete: Hannibal. Obviously we've

Reegs: That's like when that guy was like, oh suddenly or you can call me hendrix, He just invented his own nickname.

Oh, you can call

I'm

Sidey: yourself a nickname, you cannot.

Reegs: not

Sidey: That's

Reegs: you

Pete: like Paul

Dan: earn it.

Sidey: Yeah.

Pete: Yeah, you can't, you can't do that. Yeah. John Anderson is the character played by Tom Cruise in Minority Report. John Coffey. sad. Yeah, John Coffey's like the drink but spelt different. Yeah, and yeah, I'm, I'm out of Johns. Just, just the nom.

Reegs: Well, can I just throw just two or three more in John Carpenter? John Ham with his massive slung. Yeah. John Waters, we talked about him earlier. Johnny Depp, he's a bad one.

Sidey: No, it's not.

Reegs: Jonathan Dem

Pete: A bad one?

Sidey: I think it's Demme, they say. Do

Reegs: So,

Sidey: So the series that he does, Unsolved Mysteries, is great lolz.

There's loads of super cuts of him either It's like when you like wake up in the morning and you don't know anything And it's just him asking you ask the question at the start of every episode And then also if you change the speed of it, it sounds like a

Reegs: if you change the

Sidey: really good really good

Reegs: it, it sounds like a drunk in there. Do it again.

Sidey: was really good Yeah

Reegs: Yeah, I've got

Sidey: Yeah, I've got my nom. I'm going to do it right now. It's John.

Dan: got, I've got a just a couple of little jokes,

Pete: another game, is

Dan: couple of John jokes that I'd like to, well, the first one's about Elton John.

It's a little bit funny.

No, I met a man with With one leg called John. He didn't tell me what his other leg was called.

Sidey: his other leg was

Dan: Well, John Bon Jovi has started on an extremely strict fruit only diet. He's living on a pair

Pete: Yeah. was actually

Sidey: off a bridge the other

Dan: Yeah. Really?

Sidey: Yeah, it was actually in

Reegs: God, that just makes him sexier again, doesn't

Sidey: again, doesn't it? Yeah.

Pete: on a pair.

Dan: oh yeah.

Reegs: God,

Sidey: are you

Reegs: he'd stop you killing

Sidey: they were doing a music video just nearby and they were on a break or whatever and he's looking across and there's a woman about to jump. off a bridge for real and he had to go over like I promise I'll fuck

Dan: stop.

I'll stop playing.

Reegs: I promise. Yeah. I promise.

Pete: Sounds a bit staged that like the trump assassination attempt.

Sidey: yeah, but it wasn't so there. So back to my nomination. It's John Deere.

Do you remember we did the straight story? It's the tractor, the tractor that he rode across, across the state. It's also referenced quite a lot in Lana Del Rey songs. I'm a big fan of hers, so there you go.

Dan: he got lost, didn't

Sidey: Did you see the did anyone care about Lana Del Rey at all?

Dan: No.

Sidey: Cool.

Dan: I'm gonna add in John Mills as my John. Ice Cold and Alex, and

Sidey: the Mills Bomb,

The

Dan: Mills Bomb. Millsinator, the Millpool.

Johnny

Pete: Mills. Millsbomb. I haven't done, I haven't kept one back, so, yeah, John Matrix, why not?

Reegs: Yeah, that's good. John dies at the end.

which

was a novel by Jason Pargin. It was like this Lovecraftian novel and they brought it to a screen with this cult director, Don Coscarelli. And it's, I found that title pretty good

Sidey: Sweet!

Dan: did we have any online gnomes?

Sidey: Do you know, I think we did.

Let's go over, let's go to Discord and see. We had Oh my god, we had not even said him. John McClane.

Pete: we did say John

Sidey: Oh, did you? Oh, it was too much. It was so current I couldn't remember. That was from Darren Leafley. Berber ber ber

Breachys, there's lots of cool film related Johns Leguizamo, Cho, Cusack, Carpenter, Travolta she says maybe he's not cool but he's a DTV King hope they all get a shout out Favorite fictional John is probably

John

Kramer And there's there's a bit that's she's very helpfully Spoiled the bit after his name out.

Reegs: So

you'll

Sidey: So you'd have to go and seek that out yourself. Darren Leathy mentions John Malkovich and being John Malkovich. French named John John Jean Kayak

Reegs: Jean Kayak,

Sidey: Hero and chief idiot in hundreds of beavers

Reegs: He'd be John Canoe in in English,

Sidey: And prince john and robin hood or king john and made marion and her merry men So lots and lots of johns

Reegs: I think we've demonstrated there are many

Dan: John Johnny,

Reegs: and not just in your client list.

Pete: No. Yeah.

Sidey: John Rambo. Is it John?

Reegs: Yeah. It

Pete: is. Yeah.

Sidey: This, to date, is his last outing. Last blood, you might

Reegs: you might say. I

Dan: I thought his

last one was his last one, but then I was surprised this wasn't.

Reegs: And the franchise, right, it's gone on a weird trajectory, this one, right?

He's like a different character in every single movie almost,

Sidey: Well they give

you some flashbacks at the very end of this, just to remind you.

are.

Reegs: But the first one was this like searing anti war type or, you know, response to the, the people coming back and the, the, the American apathy towards the veterans And the two was this like crazy Action adventure three was a bit of a letdown and some unfortunate aspects in retrospect And then four was pretty good.

The one in Burma. Did you see that one where he ends up? like emptying a 50

Sidey: Yes, I saw that in cinema, yeah.

Reegs: from Like surprisingly good and then we arrive at Rambo last blood 2019

Sidey: It's set 10 or 11 years after the Burma one.

Reegs: Yeah,

Pete: Can I just say, the reason I wanted to watch this, Is that I've only ever seen the first one and now this

Sidey: I've not

seen any of the

Pete: Never seen any of the ones in between and I think probably and the first

Sidey: doesn't kill anyone in the first one?

Pete: No, he no, he, he

Sidey: the guy dies out of the helicopter.

Pete: he's got the, the booby trap with the big spike that flips round.

And that surely the guy was a goner after that. I mean, you don't, like,

Sidey: And then there someone falls outta a helicopter, don't they?

Pete: he, he's not confirmed dead. But yeah, he wouldn't have

Sidey: done, well we can get into that in this one.

Dan: but yeah,

Sidey: in blue jeans, an

Dan: have danced very well. These, 'cause they're both in America, you know, rather than fighting in Burma or

Pete: Yeah. Apart from

Dan: Vietnam or, or wherever. The border, doesn't he? But

Sidey: he's living in a kind of ranch, but he has some tunnels. He's still,

Reegs: I, he's just got some tunnels just

Dan: just digging

Reegs: for, you know, he goes down there to forge his knives.

Sidey: Yeah, he's got his own forge, which is a nice touch, I thought, to have that in your house.

Pete: there's a lot of PTSD there, really, isn't there? I mean,

Sidey: Well, yeah.

Yeah.

Reegs: I assumed he built them presumably so he could relive the flashbacks and horrible events of his past.

Dan: I, I thought because he was waiting for, you know,

Reegs: Waiting for this to happen,

Dan: Yeah, just being prepared is digging

Sidey: like to reminisce about the Vietcong and all that

Dan: yeah,

Reegs: he's living, he's living on his, I think you said his deceased father's horse ranch and with Maria

Sidey: My daughter and your daughter would've loved the horse content in this 'cause it starts off with good, strong horse

Reegs: There was some good horse content,

Sidey: training and riding. Yeah.

Chatting whilst horn

Pete: He's doing like dressage at the beginning isn't he? He's like, lots of

Sidey: I think he's breaking them in

Pete: Trotting round in circles

Reegs: He was using a lunge rope. I think he's he's like, he's at the forge, isn't he? And he's making this thing and you think it's a knife, but it's actually a letter opener for Gabriella.

Sidey: Which I thought was going to come back later

Reegs: Yeah, absolutely would have been good

Sidey: said to the missus, bet that, but you might

Reegs: bet

Pete: It Did Yes.

Reegs: did he use it stab it through the

Sidey: But not,

Pete: the montage.

Sidey: I was thinking as a letter opener, like he was going to finish it and give it to her.

Pete: it does

Sidey: Cause that sort of, right.

Reegs: Ah does does it okay did

Pete: Yeah, in, in the montage of him, like the A Team montage later on, he's sharpening it.

I know, I noticed

that, yeah.

Reegs: I didn't even notice that, yeah.

Did you look at his characters in any

Pete: characters in any of the other

Reegs: No. Rambo I think is in some of the others but

Pete: you know, just

Reegs: Although, I just, you know, just get it straight out of the gate. This character that is on screen is, is, bears no relation to anything else that's happened

Pete: Okay.

Reegs: from That's what it feels

Sidey: else that's happened in the franchise, but that's what it is.

She's talking about going out and having a party. She says, why don't you get your friends to come around to my super weird war tunnels and hang out? And she's like, Oh, really? That'd be amazing. You're like, what?

Reegs: And he sits on the porch, like, in his rocking chair, listening to the Latino hip hop. He thinks, I think he quite enjoys it. But yeah, so she, at that party, her friend takes a phone call that's going to turn out to be her passing the information to Gabriella, this sort of surrogate daughter that he has that her real father Manuel has been found in Mexico.

And she straight away, I think goes to Rambo and asks for his blessing basically to go and visit him. And he's like, nah, Mexico's full of. Scumbags

Sidey: It's cartel town, and he's no good for you, he's just a fucking piece of shit, there's no good gonna come of this.

Don't go. So she goes.

Pete: Well,

Reegs: And she says to him

Pete: has the same opinion as well.

Reegs: She says oh, you know She says a man can change because says you've changed.

He says, no, I haven't changed. I'm just keeping a lid on

Sidey: it.

That's right, he's just

Dan: right, he's just trying to keep a lid on it. So when he finds out that she has gone and she hasn't returned, Then

Sidey: She gives the classic story of I'm going to my mates for a lesbian sleepover, but in reality, she's fucked off to Mexico.

Reegs: she's to

Sidey: She's doing

fancy dress as a gang member. She's wearing all the gear and behaving instantly very strange.

Reegs: strange. Pops her bracelet

Sidey: clocks her bracelet for some reason and decides she's going to have that. And.

She does go to see her father. She takes Giselle, takes her off to see her to the to the address. So, she's in there and she goes off and this guy's one of the like most the most depth and characterization you've ever seen on screen.

It's really powerful. She goes to see him and he just says, You shouldn't have come here. I basically fucking hate you. I just, because I woke up one day and decided I didn't love you or your mother.

Reegs: I didn't

Sidey: I left. I don't want you. You shouldn't have come. Fuck off. It was just, like, tough to hear. Yeah,

Dan: yeah, but that was performed very well actually because it was very similar brought me back.

Sidey: Yeah.

Dan: And yeah, she is gutted. But giselle convinces her the best way to to get over that is to go and get absolutely

Sidey: Get rehypnoled.

Dan: Into a club where she gets rehypnoled.

Sidey: Yeah

Reegs: So basically is exactly as Rambo predicted. As soon as she's got to Mexico, she's getting drugged.

Dan: Less than sort of 24 hours later. She's

Sidey: Yeah. And then she wakes up in some sort of whorehouse sort of warehouse type thing.

Yeah. With lots of other slave captive women.

Reegs: trafficked girls Yeah, and she's told you'll be doing 40 to 50 guys a day, which sounds like paradise

Dan: yeah,

Sidey: Word gets back to Rambo. Via the grandmother that shock horror. She didn't go to sleepover. She is in Mexico and she's not returning any calls and they can't get a hold of her.

Dan: We're about, what, 25 30 minutes in

Pete: Yeah,

we've, we've, it didn't take as long to get into Mexico, did it?

Dan: Mexico, did it?

And we've a reason to wake up John Rambo because he's been trying to keep a lid on

Reegs: it. Yeah.

Dan: but the lid's, the lid's about to be blown

Pete: off. Yeah.

Reegs: he speeds off to Mexico in pursuit having flashbacks, I think, to their conversation earlier conveniently and popping a load of pills and shit and getting a gun from the glove box.

He goes straight to the piece of shit. Father's house, and intimidates him, and you know, but learns nothing from it, and then he sort of detective like interrogates Giselle, takes her back to his place, and then like, pretty

Sidey: pretty He saw the bracelet.

He sees the

Reegs: sees the

Sidey: says you fucking sold her out. That was her mother's bracelet. She wouldn't have given it to you. Where the fuck is it?

Reegs: also threatens her pretty, like, badly with a knife, and it's pretty clear he would use it

Sidey: on her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If she didn't. He explicitly says I'm gonna fucking do

Dan: don't.

You going

Sidey: going to take me to that club, show me who she fucking spoke to, and if you don't, like, well, just fucking do it.

Dan: Yeah.

Reegs: And she does point out a guy in the club El Flaco, the man who last spoke with Gabriela, and he, Rambo interrupts him attempting coitus in the car park shows him a photo, and then stabs the guy in the thigh, and he starts like digging his fingers into

Sidey: his, he does them in the shoulder first and then in the thigh.

And then he, yeah, he takes his collarbone out.

Reegs: Pull, he breaks his collarbone with his bare hands and then he starts to like, pull his entire rib cage basically off. He said he's going to do

Pete: yeah yeah i'm going to break it

Reegs: So he somehow, yeah. Well, gives up the information and takes him off.

Dan: that it's going to be pretty impossible I guess even with that information um to to get where you need to go because It's a fortress and he's dropped off in some kind of You

you

know, a small

Sidey: There's a, there's a lady who's clocked him in the nightclub and she's following him, but not, not close enough to be spotted. She's just kind of watching what goes on.

But as he gets to this compound, he really underestimates just how many people and how heavily armed it's going to be. He sees a light on the top of the building where he thinks the girls might be.

then he starts looking around and everyone's spotting him and everyone's coming upstairs and soon there's like a hundred people surrounding him.

Dan: With guns.

Sidey: Even Rambo can't get outta this

one.

Reegs: of this one.

I'm also interested in the photograph of um, of his daughter, you know, of the

Dan: They're also interested in the photograph of of his daughter, you know, of, of the girl his niece, sorry.

And and then they wanna make an example of her, you know, they wanna make sure that

Sidey: and him, they, they cut them both with a v

Reegs: him with an XII

Pete: it was a V,

Sidey: It was a V, yeah.

Pete: I thought that's what it's like, you

Sidey: a V, yeah. And it's just inexplicable to me why they would leave him alive.

I just

Pete: Yeah.

Dan: he wanted him to feel the pain of

Sidey: the pain

Dan: knowing that, you know, they

Reegs: I think they wanted them to. They are, they, he, although Rambo has underestimated them, they in turn have underestimated him, right?

Yeah. And they want him and her to be a message to the community that's explicit there. That's why they're gonna torture her. Even worse, because Rambo's come back. So they keep him

Pete: him Yeah. And they give Gabrielle a nice matching V on her face, like, back in the brothel.

Dan: Yeah. And you, you realize that you know, she's pulling her

Sidey: Not only that, but they are injecting her with heroin. Yeah, she's on the gear.

Reegs: The mysterious woman you were talking about, Carmen, from before, she rescues Rambo from his beating and takes him back to her place where he

wolverine

Sidey: she has magical healing powers because it takes him about six hours to be back to

Pete: I

think she's at, like, three or four days.

Sidey: know, but it's just like,

Reegs: Even then though, even then,

Pete: even

Sidey: of this movie afterwards.

Reegs: anyway, she tells him her story. She's an investigative, investigative, independent journalist.

sister,

was also this same shit happened to her because that's what happens when you go to Mexico.

Sidey: the time.

Reegs: and so Carmen tells him where one of the local brothels are like he wouldn't know already. And Rambo goes there and does like reenact the scene from You Were Never Really Here with a hammer. Going after several people. One guy gets the claw bit in the balls. It's

really horrible. And

Sidey: One guy

Dan: they don't want to run.

Sidey: claw bit in the balls. It's really

Reegs: Yeah, and he takes Gabriella takes her back in the car and drives her back across the border. I think, in the end, doesn't he go just across a bit of barbed wire fence,

Dan: Yeah, but she's passed away on the

Sidey: the So right, to me, the only surprising bit of the movie, everything was just like really telegraphed. I didn't expect her to die on the way back like that. He's giving her the heart to heart and she sheds a little tear and then he's like, Oh, you're dead.

Dan: Is unleashed the, the pain and wrath of Rambo

Pete: If he wasn't browned off before,

Dan: and he was, but he is, he is extra browned off

Sidey: miffed. He's he's ticked off. Yeah. Yeah. Cue the music. Duh. See, he goes into full 18

Reegs: goes into full 18 mode.

Sidey: Because he had. He had

killed someone in Mexico and beheaded him on the way out just just to bring them. No, no,

he goes out does

Reegs: does, there's two montage

Pete: scenes.

Reegs: We get two montage scenes. This is the first one where he's really

Dan: Well, he knows he's in for a fight, so he sends the, the The housekeeper away. Yeah and He says he's probably just going to keep drifting, but he he knows exactly what he's doing. He's setting this up for a

Reegs: drifting, but he, he knows exactly what he's doing, he's setting this up

Sidey: things play off.

Reegs: a

Dan: like lift

Pete: He even gets like the bow and arrow and he's firing it like in four different places with like cards that

are,

Reegs: but where was the headband man? Why didn't he

Pete: Yeah, true. He's a bit old for a headband though,

Reegs: isn't it? Was in Mexico. It's sweaty and hot.

Dan: he could have he could have found a headband from somewhere But what he does do is go back and stir up a, a hornet's

Sidey: a hornet's

Dan: And he wants to bring them all back to the ranch,

Sidey: It's like Crocodile Dundee too with, with Rico, he has to get them on his home turf where he's got tunnels.

Dan: He's got tunnels and, and they, they think it's going to be easy. So when they do, you know, you're right. He, he, Cuts off the head of the guy who who

Pete: This one must be Victor. This is the one who dishes out the Vs on the face.

Reegs: He takes down everyone. It's maybe six or seven guards in that place just with a

Pete: just with

Reegs: It's really horrible like as he goes

Pete: Yeah. One like just sideways through the throat.

Dan: you don't lose the kind of skills john rambo Acquires over a period of time and as we'll see at the end the

Reegs: Because we don't actually see the head thing, right? You see him go into the room and then you hear the guy in the shower and then it cuts to all the, the authorities and stuff at the place and the other brother turns up and the fucking corpse is on the bed for like, completely Beheaded and then you see him like fucking serial killer style just dropping the head out the window as he drives back.

It's fucking awesome

Dan: And they're, they're peeved off by that. And they've got their own way to get into America. They don't need to go through old

Pete: border

Dan: and border control. They've got a series of tunnels that they just walk up,

Sidey: tunnel content this

Dan: great tunnel content. And they've, they come up laughing into SUVs fully loaded with every gun and rocket and everything known.

Reegs: I think they got their own suiting up Little montage, didn't they? Yeah. Hugo's guys where they swatted up and stuff.

Dan: We get to see there's a lot of

them

Reegs: Mm-Hmm.

Dan: and

There's I don't know. I think 12 maybe 14 cars head in his way

Pete: yeah,

Dan: and as they're Kind of cruising towards the house Of course, john rambo's waiting with detonator and little heidi holes to come out He's like playing whack a mole with him, isn't he?

He's just like pinging up shooting a couple come head back

Pete: Yeah, but it's

Dan: the detonator and he takes out Probably half of them before they've even set

Pete: Well, this, this is it. Like, they literally like drive up the drive and you're thinking, oh, this is gonna be like the, the standoff, the shootout, the tension's gonna be, it's like, no, straight away.

They're, as they're driving up, the cars are getting are exploding and rolling over and then. They go towards the barn and he triggers something that immediately sets everyone on fire.

Dan: Yeah.

Reegs: I mean, there is so And then there's And then there's cutting away from that action to maybe they're coming in another entrance towards him or something and there's already a booby trap, like an arrow has been rigged to fire as soon as a door

Dan: they realise he's underground in tunnels and they find one of the entrances and they all go in there. But then you, straight away you think, in John Rambo's terrain here. You know, this is tunnels. I mean this guy was the, The, the rat that went in the

Reegs: and the Vietnamese, but they don't know who he

Sidey: who he is.

Reegs: to be honest, we only know who he is 'cause they keep calling him that. And they showed some Vietnam ship right at the beginning.

But other than that, yeah. Anyway, so, he puts the doors on. five to one and he just fucking butchers them basically it's

Dan: he plays it through the speakers, didn't he?

5, 2, 1, baby! And that's it, they're all panicking, running, there's

Reegs: legs flying

Pete: But he, he

Reegs: things exploding

Pete: doesn't miss a kill in the sense that every time a booby trap goes off.

Luckily these guys seem to go in and like, at like 10 meters apart so that they can all

Sidey: he does the old shawn or sawn off shotgun and he blows literally like a couple of guys heads clean

Pete: Yeah,

Reegs: he makes his own

Pete: been like kebabbed against the wall, then he like quickly like,

Sidey: their head cuts to

Dan: I like, I

Reegs: and it's about 20 minutes of that and it is absolutely glorious. He's like a it's like Jason Voorhees or like some slasher thing, but

Dan: see the, the one where the, the metal spike and then he shoots one guy and he's, he can chop off a leg at the bottom 'cause he's cut off

Pete: Oh yeah.

Dan: the bottom of the wall and then finishes him off.

He's just got

Reegs: I honestly, my favorite is that they stand on the trapdoor and they fall through to like these gruesome spikes on the bottom and they're all lying there and he just empties a clip of like

Sidey: the shit out of

Reegs: already dead Rambo. And eventually he does take a few shots as well. Eventually it's just Hugo, the brother, left and he tells him, I'm gonna I want you to feel my rage and hate.

I'm gonna, like, reach into your chest and rip out your heart like you did to me.

Dan: And it's a great, it's a great finish because sure as eggs are eggs that shot that bow and arrow's

Pete: Yeah. Good job. He practiced because he gets it. Yeah. Two two in the shoulders and two in the legs like pinning him to the door.

Dan: pins this guy up ready for his human sacrifice. And

Reegs: And he mortal combats him.

Dan: Yeah, he, he

Sidey: Finish

Reegs: Finishes him, pulls out his, I think, still beating heart. And

Dan: And shows it in Before He

Reegs: before he dies. Before he dies, yeah. Fucking amazing! Amazing. He's taken

Sidey: He's taken a few hits though.

Reegs: He

Pete: He has.

Dan: he's patched up and

Sidey: so I thought it was gonna be, 'cause it's fucking film's called Last Blood.

Yeah. So I thought it was gonna be like John Wick, he's

Reegs: John Williams.

He's dead. He

Dan: not. He's

Pete: he sits back in his rocking chair, doesn't he?

Sidey: sits back and

Pete: and and it's like, you know,

Reegs: the sun's coming up

Pete: coming up or the sun's going down and yeah, because all of this happens during the day. So, yeah, the sun's kind of coming down and he just kind of sits there and the camera starts fading away and you're thinking like, oh he he's succumbed to his wounds.

And that's basically the end of the film but. But he doesn't.

Sidey: because he said

Pete: because then what it does is it shows, it, it, that's the end of the film and it shows then like the montage of, you know, first blood and loads of stuff like that, but

Reegs: slo mo moments.

Pete: With

with footage of him like now in the, in, in that timeline, getting like on his horse and going off for a ride, like to recover, to clear his head

Reegs: Right, you get a full recap of all of the Rocky movies with like super slo mo scenes, Rambo movies. That would have been

Pete: All the

Reegs: All the Rambo movies from beginning to end, super slo mo scenes. Including the fucking movie that we've just

Pete: seen. He rides a horse

Reegs: then, then he rides off on a horse at the end.

Pete: this

Reegs: this is fucking, this was like really stupid.

Sidey: They should have killed him off but then Stallone said, If this one does well and people still want,

Pete: What more?

Sidey: I'm, I'm happy, I'm not,

Pete: he's open to another massive paycheck, I mean another film,

Dan: I think this will do well. I quite enjoyed this, to be honest. I was pleasantly surprised.

I actually thought I was watching the other one that we'd. the four that we'd done before. So I'd missed this. I hadn't realized we'd done another Rambo or I'd missed it at the time on purpose. But it came around for me. I thought it was okay. I thought it was quite good. It entertained me. You know, it is what it is.

It's a Rambo film. And I disagree with you in the sense that I thought that The character in the original Rambo and this Rambo are closer than the ones in between.

Reegs: The director, the writer of the book absolutely fucking despises this movie and its betrayal of Rambo and says it's like nothing.

Dan: Rambo

Reegs: He did no, no, no

Pete: Rocky you're thinking of. Yeah. I mean, I, bearing in mind I hadn't seen two, three, and four. Yeah. And I don't know what happened in it, although I've kind of, you know, I've, I've seen footage, I've seen like hot shots parked there and stuff like that, so I, I know. what happens in in and I know that it's a lot more of him just being like a crazy killing machine rather than the first one which is actually a really fucking like heart wrenching kind of like yeah like a story about exactly everything that you you know you you said before reeks but but in spite of how like preposterous and and bonkers and like like the pacing and it it's just And everything, and how flawed this was as a film.

That scene, the scene, where they, the boys come up from Mexico, from like start, right the way from the start to the fucking hideous like sacrificial like kill or whatever like that, was like absolutely brilliant. It was worth watching the film for, in spite of all the other like flaws and frailties around it, in my opinion.

Reegs: Yeah, I would completely agree with that. I would also add to all of your criticisms, the fact that it is really distastefully racist, I think,

Pete: About, yeah, yeah, it doesn't portray Mexico in a particular way,

Reegs: and it makes

Pete: is funny in

Reegs: is like a MAGA guy and it makes me fucking not want to like him that much.

But yeah, that last. If you like action movies or horror movies, that last half an hour, 20 minutes

Pete: Yeah. I mean, I don't like horror movies, but because, you know, all of that's coming and it's not a supernatural thing or anything. It didn't have me like, you know, hiding behind the couch or anything. I was like going like, well, these guys are all pieces of shit and they're gonna get their

Dan: soon as

Reegs: That's the only difference between those

Pete: more like commander, it's like commando in, you know, the, the, the scene where he eventually gets to the island and he's just like. Executing them left, right, and center with, with everybody, but like, far more kind of like staged

Sidey: Hmm.

Pete: rigs sides.

Sidey: It was okay. Like, I just, I agree with what you said. Like, the best bit is that, that sequence.

Like, the rest of it.

I mean, it fucking rattles through at an absolutely break net speed. I mean, it's not subtle, this film. There were reshoots upon reshoots. They were editing right up until release date. So, if you've seen the trailer, there's loads of stuff in the trailer that doesn't appear in the movie.

Reegs: There's a whole like 15 minutes of the movie missing it right at the beginning like a rescue

sequence that they

Sidey: rescue thing. Yeah. The movie's 89 minutes long. Yeah. 10 minutes of that is production logos and end credits, . So that's, that's how you can literally like go make a cup of tea and wait for it to call down, drink it.

It's about the length of this film. It's

Reegs: It looks so cheap sometimes as well, like it was filmed on like a homemade drone or

Pete: the bits in the cars when they're driving, like clearly with the, you know, bearing in mind this is what, what year was this?

2019. 2019, yeah. poorly done.

Reegs: TV, quality at some

Sidey: But it was 50 million. 50 million. Probably 49 of that went to Stallone. And it made 91. Which is probably not enough to make another one. Possibly, I don't

Dan: probably it should probably bow

out

Sidey: there. I mean, it's getting a bit long in the tooth. I mean, in the, in the sort of, rescuing a young girl, I don't know.

Sub action genre. This isn't as good as taken or anything like

Reegs: done to fucking death, hasn't it? It's like, why put such an iconic character in such a fucking generic story?

Sidey: Yes, that's a good word. It is horribly generic. This, the only surprise is when she did actually die. I thought that she would survive, but she didn't.

Reegs: anyway. Strong recommend, though.

Strong recommend. Strong

John Dillerman. John Dillerman. Egg a flick a flack a flackin Dillerman.

Sidey: This week's kid's choice. Yeah. Another John.

Reegs: Was

Sidey: John's sort of very generic and common name and unusual and a very common and nothing out of the ordinary much like the content of this

stop motion animation.

Pete: was a stroke of luck in the sense that I was thinking because it was John themed

Sidey: You're a big fan of this already before the pod? Yeah.

Pete: I'd never ever heard of it.

And, but luckily what I did is I thought, okay, so like kids, TV, John's first thing that came to my mind was Johnny Bravo. So I was thinking, okay, I could just do that. That's like a

Sidey: Which would have been strong.

Pete: yeah, which would have been strong. It's a sort of a safe bet. And I just thought at the last minute before I nominated Johnny Bravo, I'll just check and see if there are any other.

So I did kids TV characters, John, and would you believe John Dillerman came up

and I happened upon a piece of gold here.

Because as soon as I saw the synopsis, and I had to read it a couple of times just to make sure that it was. And also that it was I didn't know if it was a, you know, like an adult's cartoon type thing or whatever, but it confirmed and qualified that this was a a day

Sidey: Should I read you? the the wikipedia

Pete: Yes.

Sidey: very brief summary is that john dillamond or is otherwise known as john penis man or john john

Pete: means

Sidey: Yeah, john willie man or john dong man danish stop motion animated Children's, yes, children's television series about a man and his very long penis, that's it.

Reegs: Yeah.

Dan: Is that the ca same kind of synopsis that sucked you in their Pete

Pete: Yeah, absolutely, yeah. Prehensile penis were the two words I was looking for.

Reegs: And this is not a sort of, like edgy Danish thing. This is a, this is a, a day. This is like the

Pete: not like danish dogmaster which is yeah it was a right up

Dan: More edgy.

Reegs: This is like the equivalent of the day of the BBC in Denmark, putting this

Sidey: program. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Reegs: And so yes, stop motion

Sidey: He's wearing

realistic

Reegs: realistic objects in the foreground and background 2d and 3d

Sidey: He looks like Where's Wally? He's wearing a red and white striped outfit.

Reegs: Yeah. Like, like one of those sort of circus strongman bathing

Dan: thing. Yes. He's even got that same mustache.

Reegs: Yeah.

And a sort of purple beanie.

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: He's like, wears Wally as a sex offender, basically.

Dan: and his extraordinary long penis is also striped.

Sidey: It has the same outfit on,

Dan: Yeah, yeah, it's covered up. It's like a huge Willy Warmer.

Sidey: Have we watched Series 1, Episode 2?

Pete: No.

Reegs: No, series. Yes.

Pete: I've watched Series 1 Episode 1. What did I put in the group?

Sidey: The

link that you sent us was Episode 2 of Series 1.

Pete: okay.

Reegs: We watched different ones.

Pete: I watched it. I watched episode one, which is, which is basically John what translated as John walks the dogs.

So he basically, in this one, he walks dogs with his really long penis. You saw the one where there's balloons? Yeah.

Sidey: and he goes to the park.

Dan: He saves, he saves a child's balloon from floating

Sidey: With his dick in the park.

Dan: and then he hands it back to, well, he dicks it back to the kid,

Sidey: He knocks someone's ice cream out of their hand

Reegs: The penis seems to kind of have a little bit of a mind of its own, so

Sidey: Don't they all?

Dan: seems to be getting him into trouble

Reegs: And it knocks this ice cream out of his, this kid's hand.

Dan: Oh, you, you terrible penis, look what you've done.

Reegs: With that child's

Sidey: it onto the traffic lights, which causes the lights to malfunction, and then there's a traffic free for all.

Dan: And, and kids are about to cross the road. But fortunately he takes this kind of, he, he jumps into a different stance every now and again. And he spreads his legs a little wider and, and his, his his schlong comes out. At this point it stopped cars, didn't it? It stopped two cars. It stopped four

Reegs: The penis remains fully, fully sheathed at all times.

It's important to point that out. It's, it's, it's perfectly encapsulated in the, in

Dan: In the where's Wally clothes. And it knocks the ice cream off. So this time he seems to have control of his penis and he's able to knock the ice cream off the penis. The traffic lights

Sidey: Calling bullshit on that though, because the ice cream would have melted into the circuitry.

Reegs: been the cause of

Dan: problem.

I think that would've been the cause of the problem. But,

Reegs: Yeah, in

Dan: in many ways he did.

Sidey: Anyway, what's great is that he saves the day and as a reward they,

Dan: give him balloons

Sidey: balloons that he's rescued out of the tree, they now give to him and like, a sort of twisted version of the Pixar movie Up, he floats across and then his, either the person that he lives with or his neighbor, whoever it is, it's not quite clear to me or maybe it's his

Reegs: No, it's his grandma.

It's his

Dan: well she's got a

Sidey: She has a gun and she shoots the balloons down. You've really got to trust someone's aim if they're

Reegs: Yeah, at your penis. Yeah. But she is thankfully a good shot. I hoped it was an air rifle as well, rather than like a shotgun.

But yeah, she takes them comes back down to earth and they sit on the sofa and watch the TV.

Sidey: The news, yeah. Which

Reegs: happens to be the events of the day.

Dan: Yeah, which is, he gets to see his penis saving,

Reegs: And then he looks at the camera and, John Dillerman, John Dillerman. dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,

Pete: Are we gonna put the theme music in here

Sidey: If we can find it, this is it.

Reegs: I

really hope we did find it because it's fucking good.

Sidey: was

Dan: Yeah, it's, it's

Pete: did find

Sidey: Yeah, with Danish

Pete: It's f ing good. Yeah, with Danish subtitles.

Sidey: There is no, there is no wrong John

Pete: no, that's true. Yeah. I'm actually looking at a couple of the other episodes and thinking that.

Reegs: he obviously tames a lion

Pete: it does. Say John uses his pre penis, which stretches within his clothes as a tool, such as to tame lions or to fly about like a helicopter

Sidey: tame lions or to fly about

Pete: which, which I do want, quite wanna see. In the one I saw, there was a, there was some capers with walking. He basically ends up walking all the dogs in the neighborhood. But he stops off to buy a sausage and then. The dogs get lost, but then he coaxes the dogs back using a sausage on the end of his penis.

But, but right at the beginning, he's he's trying to light a barbecue and he's standing close to it and he keeps like putting the matches in and running away because he's obviously doesn't want to get burnt. But then he thinks, Oh, I'll use my massive penis. So he, he's like, He puts the sausages on the barbecue and then pours loads of petrol with it like with the can using his dick then lights a match and guess what happens there's an explosion and the end of his dick catches fire and he has to put it in a jug of water to to cool it down and then he goes dog walking

Sidey: so it was created in collaboration with child psychologists and other professionals. Yeah. And they reviewed each script to ensure that children wouldn't misinterpret its content.

Pete: This

Reegs: four to eight year olds, which you really let her for, right. I'm caught between being a sort of puritanical American style, afraid of your genitals and being a bit more European.

And also thinking fucking hell, this is like, you're trying to teach children that

Pete: But the Danes,

Reegs: something not to be. Right. You know scared of and norm, I don't know like

Pete: right, but the, the, the, the Danes are like super liberal when it comes to like sex and stuff. Like I've been to, you go, you've been to Denmark as well, haven't you? But I remember going over there as a kid and you could go in. So like a news agents and you know, you've got like sweets there and everything and then like hardcore pornography, but like not on a top shelf, like covered up or whatever, just in, you know, next to the, like the sports

Sidey: Yeah, radio times.

Pete: literally could just walk up and start flicking through some like, you know, triple fisting type stuff

Reegs: could and would but yeah, but what

Sidey: Did anyone watch this with their kids? I would, I've watched it with my daughter and she, I she'd just probably be really embarrassed, I think.

Yeah. She'd giggle at it and maybe be like, oh,

Dan: I did mention it. I said, anybody fancy watching this? It's about,

Reegs: Anyway, no.

Pete: of you fancy watching this? It's

Sidey: it because It's

Pete: Anyway, no. What are they? I'd like to think that they wouldn't then go to school and start trying to like, you know, tie their dick to a balloon and

Reegs: try and put a flag up with your penis. Yeah. But kids do kind of try and do that.

Like, right. They may be like, that's what I think. There are too many sort of like troubling aspects to this. If kids repeating like what they see or it does feel a bit groomy, groomy as well. Like, I dunno,

Sidey: think you're projecting onto it.

Pete: Yeah.

Reegs: Well, I was fucking masturbating all the way through, so,

Sidey: in the

Pete: With your daughters in

Sidey: just going, what the fuck? And

also because it's stop motion and it's very crude, but it's charming in that

Pete: is really

charming,

Sidey: lot of the toys and things that they have in it look like the like Schleck toys that my daughter

Pete: Oh, right. Yeah,

Sidey: I was thinking maybe we could try and recreate this at

Pete: I, I did see a still from another episode where he's playing badminton with himself ,

Reegs: I saw that.

Pete: Yeah.

Because yeah. His dick's holding a racket. Yeah. It's

Reegs: Well, I've got a review from Google online. If you're

Sidey: interested. I can't wait to hear

Reegs: we're mixed on this, but purple pineapple 3000. She wasn't, she says that she used to follow Christianity, but then saw this show and found a new Messiah.

Sidey: let

Reegs: So let John Dillerman show you the light. that's

Pete: Yes, it's life

Dan: strong recommend,

Sidey: forward to an

Dan: to an 8-year-old , test this out on them.

Yeah.

Pete: I'm going to show him the

Dan: and, and then we, and we'll report back in 10 years time. We'll see if, how, how badly this is

Pete: See what register he's on.

Dan: Yeah. Yeah.

Pete: Strong recommend.

Sidey: Some sort of noms for next week. Yeah. And that's it

Reegs: it really. Possibly

Sidey: next week? We possibly will because Dan is going on holiday.

Yeah.

Dan: So it might be

Sidey: Lads, lads, lads. Yeah. Coin, coin, coin,

Dan: Coin, coin, coin indeed. Yeah, well we're going to have some noms.

There's, there's rumours of a bacon fest.

Sidey: Possibly.

Pete: We're not sure.

Sidey: or or an erotic thriller week.

Reegs: All that

Sidey: The best kind. All that remains is to say Sidey signing out.

Reegs: Reegs is out as well.

Pete: Dan's gone.

Dan: Dan has gone.