Midweek Mention... The Princess Bride

Princess Bride

Sidey: This is the start of Princess Week.

Princess Bride.

That I've told you many times I've

Reegs: never seen it.

Sidey: But I have now, because I watched it for

Reegs: And you'd seen this, haven't you?

Dan: I've seen this multiple times, yeah. Yeah,

Cris: I've never seen this.

Sidey: Did you watch it

Cris: I've watched it for this, yeah.

Sidey: cool.

Dan: Okay. So

here we are. We're all princesses.

Sidey: Yeah. So pretty much. Starts off with Savage Fred.

Reegs: Well, one thing I would say before we get into this is that this is a beloved classic of very many people. This is their big

Lebowski or whatever. So, I'm sorry that we're about to completely ruin this for you. At least one or two people here are going to say it's shit.

So, yeah,

Dan: Oh my lord. Yeah.

Reegs: yeah. So yeah, Princess Bride.

Sidey: Yeah, it does start with Savage Fred, doesn't it? And

Dan: what would you do if

Reegs: It's that like 8 bit, it reminded me because it's that 8 bit music, Take Me Out To The Ball Game.

Sidey: He's playing. He is playing baseball on a nets or something. No, it's not.

'cause he's got a funny. Controller. Anyway, the platform is not really

Dan: I think

Cris: oh yeah, the kid. I forgot

Dan: yeah, I think you got that with the

Sidey: Did you? I thought it was game. Anyway Peter Falk is his grandfather.

Dan: Columbo.

Cris: a legend.

Reegs: He's sick, and he's off school, and his grandfather's coming round. He's not really that happy. He says to his mama, he's gonna do that thing where he grabs my cheek or

Sidey: whatever. . Yeah. And he does

Reegs: he comes in straight away and grabs his cheek, like fucking

Sidey: that supposed to? Like, is that supposed to, are you meant to enjoy that as a kid?

Reegs: don't know. Yeah, it's just, it's a physical assault, isn't it? My, my,

Cris: Well, look, they could be grabbing something else.

Sidey: But why are they grabbing anything? Just say hello.

Cris: say

Reegs: hello. My dad does it to my kids. Yeah, and I can see that it's annoying and I try to intervene, stop it, but it's sort of good natured in his opinion.

Like poking and just generally winding them up when they're being quiet. Why are you doing that, dad? Why are you doing that? They're

Dan: spitting on a handkerchief and then just wiping them with it, isn't it? Going,

Sidey: slobber. Yeah, but he's going to read this story that his father read to him and his grandfather read to his father and so on.

Reegs: The ages, a framing device for this.

Sidey: and it starts off.

Then we go into the story. Yeah,

Dan: and

he's kind of reluctant to hear it, isn't he? He's, oh, this is going to be,

Sidey: it's going to

Dan: is going to

Reegs: He says to him, it's got, you know, it's got monsters no giants, and you know, he sells him on it and he's

Cris: and sports, he says he got sports.

Sidey: But then it starts off and it's Buttercup and she is ruling the roost and just generally being pretty mean to the farmhand.

Reegs: farmhand. Yeah. This

Sidey: is

it? This is the best thing I've seen her in, or it's the best she's been in anything I've seen.

Reegs: I've seen.

Sidey: Because The

only other thing I can think of is that dreadful Forrest Gump.

Dan: She's clearly

I was gonna say, in love with him,

Sidey: with him, but Because everything

Dan: Because everything he does is

of

Sidey: you wish, as

Reegs: As you wish.

Sidey: He doesn't bite back to her,

it's

Reegs: And she softens quite quickly and becomes enamoured with him.

Sidey: She's, yeah, wet.

Reegs: They kiss, smouldering in the red light of the dying sun, and then the kid's like, Fucking hell. It

Dan: kind of breaks back into the room, so yeah, it goes into this drama where you've got this fairy tale happening, and then it turns back to the room where Peter Falk is talking to Fred Savage, and he's going, he goes, Just stick with it, just stick with it, so, it happens a few times throughout the film.

Reegs: So he hasn't got any money, Wesley. So he goes off to go get some, doesn't he? To get, so he can marry her. And then when he goes off, he's reported dead. Killed by pirates or something.

Yeah,

Sidey: lost at sea.

Reegs: Yeah, so, heartbroken. I think we Cut to like five years later and what is it?

Sidey: Well, it's the courtyard, isn't it? The royal thingy with the prince, and he announces that he's going to marry, and he just, I'm going to marry one of you commoners, he says.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Very yeah.

Reegs: that commoner is Buttercup. Yeah. And she's going out for her daily ride, it's the only, lol. And it's the only thing she enjoys, lol.

And she comes across Wallace Shawn. As Vizzini. You've seen Wallace Shawn in so many

Cris: Oh, is that Little Man? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. I remember that.

Reegs: and he's I always think he sort of looks and sounds like a live action Muppet.

Sidey: Yeah, a

Cris: he's a bit like, meh, meh, meh. I don't know, I can't really

Sidey: He's conspiring.

Yeah, he's gonna kidnap her.

Have her killed.

 there's a conspiracy to have her murdered and dumped on the banks of such and such a land to make it look they're trying to try to invent a war to make it look like they this foreign land is guilty of her murder and it's going to lead to Blahdi, blah.

Reegs: Yeah, cause she's been abducted by Vizzini and Andre the Giant,

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: Fezzik, and

Sidey: I didn't understand nearly anything. He said

Reegs: Subtitles on for him.

Sidey: Yeah, I did. I the benefit of hin legs, I should have put the subtitles on 'cause he was quite hard to understand. looks

Reegs: He looks great in this movie though, doesn't he? He's quite

Sidey: I was like, It's not that giant.

And then he put, and then he put his hands on something and he's like, Fuck his hands are absolutely enormous.

Dan: hands on something and he's like, fuck his I absolutely ignore

Sidey: Yeah, yeah, he liked to drink, yeah.

Reegs: as somebody else who can drink is the drunken Spaniard sword fighter. Indigo. Indigo Monya. Yeah. He's out for vengeance for the, of the six fingered

Dan: the six fingered man.

Reegs: So Vizzini's like running the show and you see him like, he met up with, because Montoya was a drunk and Andre was like this helpless loner, so he sort of formed this gang and they steal.

Cris: steal the prince. They go

Reegs: the princess on, on Thingy's behalf, like you say, to start a war.

Sidey: Yeah.

So she gonna need rescuing.

Reegs: Yeah. Well, yeah, they, they head off, don't they, to the cliffs of insanity.

Sidey: Yeah. Everything's got a good name in this. Yeah.

Dan: It's a fairytale, isn't it? And it's got that fairytale theme throughout it. It's all

Cris: I just didn't understand how the Zorro man, how did he appear? I have a few blanks from this movie. I remember most parts of it, but they just sailed

Reegs: There's the legend of the Dread Pirate Roberts, isn't it? And so we'll come to find out because the gang that's abducted the princess will be pursued by a man in black,

Cris: Yes, the Zorro man, yeah.

Reegs: Which is not spoilering anything to say that it's clearly Wesley who has not died.

Sidey: not a big mystery, is it?

Reegs: inherited the pirate the Dread Pirate Roberts

Dan: Yeah, he's basically got One of those, like a tie wrapped around his eyes with holes in it and that is his disguise, but nobody recognizes

Reegs: he's come to get the princess. He's sort of laboring under the mishap apprehension that she is voluntarily in this marriage rather than it being forced upon her. Yeah. So that's the

Dan: setup.

There's some quite nice sarcasm when they mean everything. Cause, yeah, he's he holds it against her even though he's been missing

Reegs: years. Yeah.

Sidey: But he's going to have to fight this gang, right?

Reegs: Yeah. Well there's a bit where they ascend. I did like just to mention the bit where they ascend the cliffs of insanity.

'cause Andre the Giant, they have to strap themselves to him and then it, it cuts to like a guy who's like clearly got a couple of dolls like strapped to him as he climbs the side up and then, yeah. Anyway, so they do get to the top of the cliffs best stretch of the movie this bit for me.

Cris: And then they kind of go and they leave Montoya the swordsman behind to wait for the blonde moustache Zorro.

Yeah. And then they have a sword fight

and

Reegs: He says, he'll, there's a whole thing where he's like, I'm gonna kill you with my left hand. And then you didn't know that I was right-handed. No. You didn't know that I was left-handed. You didn't know I was right hand, blah, blah, blah. That and also he lets him climb up and get his breath catch. He's honorable,

Sidey: he?

Cris: Yeah. He gives him the rope. Then he lets him catch his breath. And then he gets defeated

Dan: Well, he knocks him out and then he kind of has to go through each of these

Characters PHE next.

And he's, he's huge. He's never gonna win a fight against him, but he manages to get a sleeper hold

Sidey: He's quicker than him. So he jumps on his back after a bit of a skirmish and he, you know, he bangs him into the wall but not in time to stop him getting the million dollar dream on him

Dan: full Ted Dei

Sidey: him down, yeah, yeah.

Dan: And then, vinici. Is it Vinici? Yeah. Vizzini. He's so clever and it's inconceivable that he will be beaten.

Reegs: What the, what is he saying?

Dan: they're swapping cups. One of them's got poison. It's definitely going to kill him. And the other one, and he's saying, I know that you know that I've got, you know, that you've got this cup, but I know you've got that one.

So,

Sidey: And then he does the old, oh my god, what's that over there?

Reegs: The old switcheroo. And then

Sidey: he turns around, switches the cups and then watches the man in black drink it. And thinks he's won,

Dan: Until he realizes

Sidey: he hasn't won.

Reegs: He's like literally talking and dies mid sentence.

Sidey: And he just says, no, I poisoned both cups, but I'm immune

Reegs: just spent years building up an immunity to it. It was amazing. Amazing. Yeah. So then I think at this point is when we find out that Humperdinck and his men are also chasing them, tracking them through using, you know, see their footprints and signs of a fight and they track them down.

Eventually

Sidey: They, they fall down a massive hill, don't they?

Dan: yeah,

Cris: the Prince

Reegs: Well, he does, and then she throws herself down after him.

Dan: She, she correctly guesses he's the Dread Pirate Roberts, and You know, tells him off for, for killing Wesley and shoves him down the hill. And while he, he's tumbling down, he shouts, As you wish.

And then she realizes, Oh,

Wesley. And she throws

Cris: better in Forrest Gump, but yeah.

Dan: And then they're in through the the fire

Reegs: Yeah this is where all the confession comes out about being the dread Pirate Roberts, and it's actually a title that was inherited in, passed down. He was a, just like a cabin.

Wasn't he, basically?

Swabbing

the poop deck and all that.

Sidey: Roger the cabin boy,

Reegs: And then, eventually grew up to be the, the ship's pirate captain. Seeking his treasures.

Dan: and they go through the fire swamp, which is like the bog eternal stench.

Sidey: What's the, what they, what do they call the rats? Rats of.

Reegs: Rodents of Unusual Size.

Cris: Jesus, that is a horrible looking rat though. Yeah,

Sidey: He gets properly mauled by it.

Cris: Yeah, there's like two

Reegs: There's like two or three minutes of him wrestling this

Cris: this thing. And he gets bitten a few

Reegs: then

Dan: those where they

Reegs: three death strikes, isn't there, and it sort of howls in anguish as it

Dan: you kind of get the feeling they spent a lot on the C or the, the practical effects of that.

So they had to have a few minutes of. Making it justifiable.

Sidey: and their swords, it's like a fencing sword isn't it? Reminded me of like Arya Stark with Needle and he like, he just pokes it, you know, lots of people get killed like that and they just get, it's not like, you know, a big cut and their arm falls out, it's like, just

Dan: a, an incision. It

Sidey: yeah.

Reegs: It might be called a rapier, that type of

Sidey: Yeah it could be right, yeah.

Dan: You'd know.

Reegs: You're rapier than anyone else here, Dan.

Sidey: anyone here. Yes, and then

Reegs: Yes, and then Humperdinck and the boys catch him up, don't they? He has to, he gives himself up so that she, she'll be alright.

Sidey: gives himself up so that she'll be alright. But

Reegs: But they put him in the machine though, don't they? In

Cris: In a

Sidey: He goes back and sees Mel Smith as it might see him crop up as an as the albino.

And he's the kind of, he's in this sort of secret dungeon that only the three of them know

Reegs: He comes in like, talking in this like, Raspy like,

But then he clears his throat and he's just gone normal.

Sidey: That was a great gag. I like then so the torture is

starts off with something else, doesn't It

Or

does it go straight for the machine?

Reegs: machine. I

Sidey: was something that goes, oh, you're gonna get the machine after.

Reegs: Anyway,

Sidey: Anyway, they do plug them into the machine. It's just hard to fathom what the science was behind this

Reegs: Mmm, I wouldn't look too closely. It had a water wheel and,

Sidey: It sucks the life out of you.

Reegs: Yeah, and you can set it to like one, it will take one year off you. But,

Sidey: goes quite a

Reegs: eventually they put him on 50,

Sidey: Yeah, they do, yeah.

Dan: they dead him. And he's most dead.

Reegs: Mostly

Dan: Most dead, I think. Or is he mostly dead?

Sidey: He's mostly dead,

Dan: They, they then take him to the folk healer.

Reegs: Mm, Miracle

Sidey: they stumble across the secret entrance, don't they? By leaning against the wall and it opens the secret door.

Reegs: Everybody loves this bit, and it's my least favourite bit

Sidey: What, Miracle Max?

Reegs: And yeah, I'm sorry, it's my least favourite bit, there you go, I'm going to say it, I've

said it.

Cris: you

Reegs: Billy Crystal

Cris: I'm gonna say it. I've never really found Billy Crystal that funny.

Sidey: I've never really found Billy Crystal that

Reegs: That's

kind of my problem as well, so.

Sidey: They said that Rob Reiner was nearly sick, he was laughing at this bit so much, he couldn't stay on set,

Reegs: set. I know. People love this

Sidey: not that

Reegs: No,

it's not. I'm sorry. It's not for

Cris: okay. Anyway. Yeah, he he gets healed though. Oh as in he

Reegs: He was mostly dead, but now they

Now

Cris: half halfway there

Reegs: right,

People talk about Unaliving.

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: What

the fuck?

It's because people, they're too triggered to say the

word

Sidey: Because people, they're too triggered to say the word

Reegs: unalive. Is that what it is? It's just to get around the

Sidey: what it Just to get around the algorithm. Wow. Yeah, that's

Dan: Yeah, he, that's right. He's, he's, parts of it, well, limbs still don't work. He, he slowly, he's like slugs himself around and he's got

Reegs: a His head being held up is funny,

Sidey: This is where you see how big Andre the Giant's hand is, because he just, it's like a little acorn in his hand. He's moving his head around.

They're kind of on the battlements, aren't they? And there's

about 60 guards or something outside the entrance to the castle. Which they need to, this is the only way in.

And they're trying to get, obviously, Princess out of

Reegs: to get, obviously, Princess out of there.

She's not happy about

Dan: That's right,

Sidey: not happy. She

Dan: she's not happy

Sidey: kill herself on her wedding night.

Dan: he's deaded. And she's got to marry the, the evil, the evil king.

But

It

all turns out well in the end really doesn't it?

Sidey: They also, they say segs, S E G S, not S E X on social media because you can't say sex.

Reegs: Oh.

Sidey: So there you go.

Cris: But they don't say it in this movie

Sidey: movie,

Reegs: you say killed or sex though? Those are things that happen.

Sidey: Because there's lots of weird shit going on at the moment. So they're going to have to get her out of there. They're going to have to storm the

the

Dan: there's a duel, isn't there? Because Indigo Montara finds his

six fingered man

Reegs: Security guard or whatever. The captain.

Sidey: Christopher Guest.

Dan: So, there's a big kind of what's the, the line? He says, my name is Ingar Doya

And

I am

going to avenge my

Sidey: Stop saying that!

Dan: And he does, he he goes for it.

Sidey: he

Reegs: catches up to him, and as soon

Sidey: he chases the six finger man, eventually catches up to him and as soon as he bursts into the room he just. He just chucks the dagger right into him, and you're like, oh no!

Reegs: Yeah, he's ambushed him,

Sidey: a big anti climax, but he is strong enough to recover from that. The rage and the revenge mission, like, inspires him on.

Reegs: And he keeps saying it, the quote, Dan, go on, flub it again.

Dan: Yeah You flub Go on, what was

Reegs: it? Oh, I don't know.

Dan: You'll have to watch it. People are screaming it now. Yeah.

Sidey: Inigo Montoya.

Dan: And I.

Sidey: will avenge my father or

And he does, he

Dan: about 50

Sidey: does, that little stabby thing with his rapier. He skewers

Dan: they Fezzik gets four horses and they jump on him.

Sidey: He says something about 'em

Dan: and Buttercup all jump on for the escape. And

and he, they

offer him the the Dread Pirate Roberts title.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: isn't

Reegs: to Montoya,

Dan: Yeah, he's got to earn a living. And as dawn breaks they share a kiss, Wesley and Buttercup. And the sick grandson is chipped in a couple of times throughout the film, Fred

Sidey: Yeah, it's a couple of times. It's like, oh, come on. Like that

Dan: oh, should I stop? Should I stop? No, no, no, carry on, carry on, feel it, you know. And then he wants him to read it again.

And it's an absolute stonewall classic. Tell me different.

Who didn't like this?

Cris: this? What

Dan: you like?

Cris: I

Dan: the Giant You've got Buttercups

Cris: The, do you know what? What I didn't like was the dialogue.

Dan: Oh, right That's a large part of the film

Cris: film. Yeah, that was what kind of after, after, after the climbing of the mountain and of hope, false hope, what it was called,

Reegs: The Cliffs of

Cris: Cliffs of Insanity. I was done the dialogues until then. It just, because it's such, it almost feels like a parody now after so many years, because I've never seen

Sidey: think it is a kind of parody.

Cris: Oh

is it? Okay.

Sidey: It's celebrating that kind of stuff but also having fun with it.

I think that's the point.

Cris: Yeah, I don't know, I don't know, it

Sidey: So, I really enjoyed it. I thought it was wonderful but the only thing that did detract from it slightly was the score felt really dated to

Reegs: I didn't notice it. What, who, who, who was it? Do you know?

Sidey: I don't know but it just sounded kind of like a bit that felt a bit like Disney and a bit kind

Reegs: Mm, well, I suppose that's

Sidey: pasty but I

Reegs: of the vibe.

Yeah, it's funny, isn't it?

Sidey: it's good fun.

Reegs: Yeah.

Dan: It's got a lot of, you know, brilliant characters. Fred Savage and Peter Falk, I mean,

Reegs: they're barely in it.

Dan: Andre the Giant, just wonderful. And they, at the end, they go through all the, they show them all, don't they? They have that little flash of the credits. So it's like Andre the Giant.

Reegs: I

always wondered why Carrie, what's his name? I always get his last

Sidey: name. Is

Reegs: Is that what it is?

Dan: Jim Carrey.

Reegs: I always wondered why he wasn't a bit of a bigger star. He's like, he's a really handsome guy. I think he's got great comedic timing. He's clearly like pretty athletic and stuff.

Yeah.

Dan: else was he in?

Reegs: A load of

good stuff. I didn't have time to do my usual fucking autistic research. So, like, I just, yeah.

So I don't know.

Sidey: know. You know, not in the way, not like a super, super A list, like megastar.

Cris: I

think this was the best thing he's ever done. No,

Reegs: No, he's in a lo

He's in some stuff.

Dan: He's definitely in stuff.

Reegs: some stuff that was worth mentioning.

Sidey: Hang on.

Dan: We'll, look in now. He was in Robin Hood, Men in Tights.

Cris: Yeah. That's the second one that

Dan: was in Days of Thunder,

Reegs: Yeah, here we go. There we go. Some what's all the crush saw that's right. It was in the saw movie he's been in

Cris: Yes. But he wasn't the main character and this one, he is definitely the main character. So that's what I mean, like this is the best thing he's ever done as a leading role

Sidey: Oh, he was in

Reegs: in Operation Fortune.

Sidey: sex files as well.

Dan: Bram Stoker's Dracula. His

Reegs: filmography is vast here actually when you start looking at it and there's loads of good stuff. But,

Dan: But you're

Reegs: never been a lead Well, no, I just think he was a good leading man in this and demonstrated quite a lot of different talents. I would say. But yeah, I enjoyed this as well. And I quite like the look of it.

All the old paint, matte painting stuff. And yeah.

I just, not so much the Miracle Max thing, which I know is a really beloved

Dan: If

you're not a Billy Crystal fan, you don't find his his

comedy

very funny anyway, then maybe you wouldn't.

I find it hard to believe that anybody would have to leave the set rolling around laughing for it, but I like Billy Crystal.

But it's still not one of the most memorable parts of this film for me. Mel Smith's bit's better for me.

Reegs: Would you have known that it

Cris: you, would you have known that it's Billy Crystal if you didn't know?

I could

Sidey: could recognise his

Reegs: his voice?

Cris: Oh,

Dan: If I'd never seen Billy Crystal, never heard of him, I wouldn't

Sidey: wouldn't

Reegs: know it was

Sidey: him. Why, you noticed that? They were

Reegs: an item. They were doing it.

Sidey: they, so they kept asking for, think they fucked. They should have fucked in the film. I would have liked that. Yeah.

Dan: In the outtakes.

Sidey: right in the outtake.

Yeah, that's where they did it. So they kept asking for like another take of the kiss and all that sort of stuff. They were super horny.

Reegs: like, another take of the kiss and all that sort of stuff. So they super on it.

Cris: Yes.