Kaiser! The Greatest Footballer Never To Play Football & Ren and Stimpy

Kaiser

Reegs: welcome to Baghdad's film review, like so many cinema fans before us, we found that indulging our favorite pastime was incompatible with having children. And so having press pause on movie going for a while, we decided to catch up on what we missed, but because we're a bunch of attention seeking 40 something, man babies, we decided to start a podcast and talk about those movies too.

And well, here we are. If you like tepid conversations, obscure top five topics searing, and at times vicious take downs of children's. Detailed, jeez notes and meandering long-winded and, and interesting intros. Well, you're in the right place. And even if you don't like those things, and even if you heard that welcome and thought, oh God, not these guys.

Again, what we do have going for us at this point is sheer bloody-minded consistency and longevity, which must be worth something surely a little bit of housekeeping, some bad dads ministration. If you like, we've had more threatening emails about the website. If you're interested in knowing about that and our little stunt a few weeks ago, even generated a few reviews are cracking one from all in 1983 on apple podcast.

So thanks for that because it really does help make a difference. Things are a bit different for the podcast that somewhere in the top 36 of Canada's TV and movie film review charts this week with Dan, a man who occasionally looks like he won't be able to make it to the other side of the room, having somehow found himself in Nepal where at least some of us are hoping all is going well for him.

We're not in the man cave either. And as a result, audio quality, which let's face, it really was one of the strengths of the show. Well that may be compromised. Hopefully we'll avoid the auditory equivalent of sounding like we're recording a zoom meeting in three separate public toilets. So this week I'm recording from my kitchen in St.

Mary doesn't. That sound quaint. Peter has joined us here up there in the ghetto in MoFA

Pete: I am. Yeah, I'm in the, yeah.

Reegs: And to round things off, we have Sidey broadcasting to us from sidewall towers and he has COVID. He's a real life coach. But he's galleon Lee pumped himself full of Eva, Mack, tin and horse semen in order to join us tonight only the former being out of character for recording night.

Of course. So Sadie, thank you for joining us. Tell us how you're doing with the COVID and all that.

Sidey: I was a bit rough during the week if you're honest, but soldier, soldier, Don, and I wasn't gonna miss out. I've got a very detailed list. When I say detailed. It's just a long list of films that I've watched this week. Do you want to know what they were?

Reegs: yeah. Cause I know that I, few of them you've been talking me through a view of him. You seen some good stuff?

Sidey: well, I've seen some not so good stuff?

too. I watched Dr. Sleep,

which I'd been meaning to get through for a while. That is just Pizzagate the movie. I thought it was all right. I enjoyed it. It was okay. I watched two fast, two furious, which I haven't seen since way back when stinker. Absolute stinker.

Reegs: yeah. It's like I said to you, it's really about like part four where that franchise really gets into.

Sidey: Yeah. Scream five, the latest one, not great. The homework staff and I watched the courier. Have you seen that? The Benedict coming back to one that was really. It's about spying in Russia and stuff. So

Reegs: till pickle,

Sidey: a bit Spokey pretty much more

Reegs: little mum.

Sidey: Yeah. that was good. It's out 12.

That one, that was, that was really good. Belfast. Excellent. One of my friends run, Lola run is his favorite movie and I'd never seen it. So I watched that and I didn't like it at all the worst one of the week, the misfits. Have you seen that on Amazon prime? It's Pierce Brosnan as a kind of pickpocket, a fif recruited into this gang of stereotypes.

And it is, I didn't even finish it. I have half an hour to go and I thought

Reegs: got Chris Evans in it. The

Sidey: no.

no, it's got no. one good in it, apart from Pittsburgh, but he's bad at it. It's oh, it's a real stinker. What a Turkey and I finished get back the Beatles stuff. That was good. Armor of God to operation.

Reegs: oh, wow. But Jackie, wait, what year is that though? Is that a recent one? Because some of his recent shit has been

Sidey: no, it's, it's old. It's like mullet central last night in Soho.

Reegs: Oh, you've seen some good stuff.

Sidey: That wasn't good. Unfortunately, that's a real let down. And I rewatched in the loop last night, which is tremendous.

Pete: What was the best thing you want?

Sidey: the best thing that LA the courier was really good. Belfast is probably the best out of all

Reegs: surely you're going to say Lawrence of Arabia.

Sidey: I'm not including the homework in it because I also watched the homework, but um I'd like, so no Belfast, probably the best out of a lot of that.

It was really good.

Pete: Cool

Sidey: You guys see anything?

Pete: not have.

Reegs: I thought of, I have seen, I did watch something this week. That was truly, truly terrible as well. I know Pete is looking flabbergasted and, and hurts as well. There's pain in his eyes because if you don't listen to the mid weaker, I did Peter nominated Lawrence of Arabia, and I failed to see it yet again, and I do feel bad about it, but yeah, you can listen to that episode if you want to hear more flummoxing about that.

But I, there was, I did watch M night Shyamalan is old, which is

Sidey: Oh, the beach one.

Reegs: fucking funny, man. That is a funny, funny movie, not intentionally, but yeah, that's, that's good fun. And I wanted to talk about something I'd seen over lockdown that I'd completely forgotten about which was where will.

Sidey: Okay.

Reegs: which is on Netflix at the moment. It's like a sort of where we'll fee comedy, meta horror thing. But I I'm going out that it's based on the video game, I'm going to say it's the best video game adaptation of all time. That's my proclamation.

Sidey: I was going to

say bold claim but identify

Reegs: I don't know if it is, but yeah.

So there you

Sidey: Well we'll look out for that Pete what'd you say

Pete: Unlike, unlike righ. So I've watched stuff. I've, I've finished both UK and us mad dogs last last episode of the UK mad dogs.

Sidey: How's the U S one?

Pete: Really sort of like incipiently crowd-pleasing but better than the UK one. The, I have started following a recommendation from side.

I've started the bridge I've done to send. Yeah. Mrs. And I had

Sidey: are you watching it dub though?

Pete: Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. W watching it subtitled, there, there is no dub version. Yeah. I told the misses to just get over it and read while she's watching it. And

Sidey: How you got over that

Pete: I think it's, it's fucking strong. And, and I think that it's the reason why she's hanging in there with the subtypes is because it is fucking dark and gripping, but almost like comedic and quirky at the same time.

Sidey: So you're on season one.

Pete: Yeah. Season one. So, so the, the Danish actor plays the main guy. He's the, he's like the rush in front of him killing Eve, which is something that my misses really got on board with. So that's been a good kind of like link. But yeah, I only watched two episodes, but really fucking

Sidey: Okay. You got started like, say someone's great is really, really good. But season two is just

Pete: Yeah. Okay.

Sidey: Saga is it's soccer. Isn't it? The main, the lady that made

detective lady

Reegs: saga. Isn't that for old people travel for all people.

Pete: it is. But it's, it's probably pronounced like Subaru

Sidey: She's amazing in it. She's was she's autistics and she's

Pete: yeah.

Sidey: the way she deals with people. Like how sexual has sexual conquests. That just fucking amazing

Pete: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a guy comes up, she goes to a bar by herself. A guy comes up to her and says, can I buy you a drink? And she's like, no. And he goes, okay. And walks off. And then she comes up. So he goes, why did you walk away? I just didn't want to drink. And he was like, oh, okay. And she's like, should we go back to mine and have sex?

Like, that's, that's a that, that had worked for most guys. Yeah. And I've watched with, with my daughter, I watched a film that I didn't even know existed. The little mermaid to return to the sea

Reegs: I don't know whether I've seen that, but there are a slew with sequels. How was that one?

Pete: rubbish. I really liked the first one. It's good. One catchy songs.

Reegs: Is terrifying.

Pete: Sort of racial stereotypes and coming out in lobsters and crabs and stuff, but yeah, it's a, yeah, no, it's pretty, pretty ordinary

Sidey: It was toy story two that broke the mold of the sequels being direct to video things that until then,

Reegs: well, I think the air bud franchise has got something to argue with you there, but,

Sidey: sorry I forgot. I always forget about them.

Reegs: yeah,

Pete: last thing that I've got queued up to what I'm going to have to like binge watch the bridge now, but once I've got queued up is the latest one. So the latest, it was last year hell's kitchen, a master chef USA. I'm never, ever happier than when Gordon Ramsey is screaming in the face of fucking idiots and throwing plates at them and just making, reducing them to tears and rebel.

It's some of the best TV, like it's 20 seasons in for hell's kitchen now. And they're

Reegs: just never gets any better than a YouTube videos that society sends me of where it's edited. If the kids where it says just hurling the most unbelievable abuse, but it's on the children's master chef. It's just.

Sidey: Richard, the British share a link to that. We had a top five last week, which has paintings and we had the Titanic, what was nominated, but Pearcey he went in really early before we'd even had our chat. And he mentioned because it's the, it's a current movie, the juke on at the local multiplex which is about the, you remember the picture that I mentioned in Dr.

No, that was stolen.

Reegs: yeah

Sidey: And he nominated that. And I don't think that went in out or five. So

Reegs: what's this, I don't even know this movie. PRCS picked out a movie I've never even heard of what is a recent movie.

Sidey: It's a, yeah. So now it's her Helen Mirren and Jim Broadbent, Jim Broadbent plays the guy who stole the painting because he was fucked off with I think it was to do with like council tax or something like that. And he was like, oh, they're taking our money and do this. So protest thing, just completely amateurish.

Really. The film was quite funny. It was about, you know, her having to deal with him, having Nick this painting and the aftermath of it all and all that sort of stuff.

Reegs: oh, there you go. That's the listeners keeping us up to date with moving news then

Sidey: for sure, This week's top five here was hastily changed because you completely fucked it the first time around.

Pete: I'm still not sure. So it definitely did. You definitely do like birds, birds, like tweet, tweet.

Sidey: We did.

Pete: I wasn't around when you did that.

Sidey: No,

Reegs: it was really early on. I updated the website as well this week. So they're all on there. The top fives.

Pete: Oh, well, anyway, I changed it to sand.

Reegs: Yeah,

Pete: Yeah. How do we get on with that? All.

Reegs: five south.

Pete: Top five sand. Yeah.

Sidey: yeah. Per granule. Yeah. I've got a few, I've got a few nominations. Do you want to kick it off peak?

Pete: You could break it into like sub sections of it. There's obviously, you know, just the, the featuring of sand in a film as like a prop or whatever. You've got obviously deserts. You've got beaches.

Reegs: yep. Yeah. And then you've got some things that kind of live in the sand. Maybe that's where I went a little bit with that as well.

Pete: Okay.

Reegs: So it says sand

Pete: like sort of like, oh, there's like sand flies. You mean that

Reegs: Well now other things that I'm sure we'll get onto this, it was, it was a good topic. This,

Pete: Yeah quite quite quite a range. I'm going to do, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to start off with Lawrence of Arabia. It's it's, you know, only because rigs hasn't seen it and it's an absolute must watch. Absolutely epic as soon as you think of sand in a film, especially if you're thinking of desert and desert scenes.

And and w you mentioned it side in the in the midweek mentioned, there's a couple of like stills or like scenes, like, oh, you know, you know, like a sunset or a sunrise or, or just, you know,

if you if you, thinking along the lines of, of APEC, someone ever came up and said, I want to watch an epic film, this is where you're going to sort of the direction you're going to point them.

And obviously on location, out in Egypt and, and you know, areas of, of the of Arabia and. Lots and lots of Sans there. So

Sidey: Great sound. The

Reegs: oh, it's huge on the sand scale

Pete: yeah, probably probably the most sand there's ever been in a film. If you, if you think about the, the you know, place

Sidey: crank granules, granules per

Reegs: granules per frame.

Sidey: Yeah. there's a lot it rakes you wanna go?

Reegs: I can do I, the first one I thought of, I think when, when your texts came through saying this, we talked folks and I just thought indie throwing sand in the eyes of that mechanic during the fight in Raiders, I think it is Raiders of the lost dark he's up in the fight and he just throws sun.

And it's just a

Sidey: that the strong man

Reegs: Yeah. Yeah. The huge guy that.

Pete: Pat, his name is pat something he's in quite, he was in quite a lot of films in the, in the sort of eighties and nineties. Well antagonists that he didn't have many speaking parts, but he was cause he was a big buff dude. He didn't want it. He didn't Conan the barbarian. Ah,

Reegs: just liked it because it had that thing. There's sort of, it's almost like a thing that you associate with Harrison Ford, almost exclusively, that sort of bad-ass quality to the ill do whatever it needs to be, what needs to be done. And Indy had that quality and Han solo had that quality. So yeah, that sand in the eyes, Sander's a weapon.

And also it made me think a little bit, but this was different, but it was Mr. Fuji with rice in the in, in wrestling is to throw it in people's eyes, but it was a move like, you know?

Sidey: you have to wait for top five rice.

Reegs: Yeah.

Pete: Raiders Raiders of the lost Ark has a lot of sand contents, right. At the very beginning. He, he just, he, you know, replaces the golden bust with a bag of

Reegs: bag of sand.

Pete: Yeah. And gets it wrong and a big ball chases them. There's the, the arch itself is full of sand and what's

Sidey: They have to go to, is it valley of the Kings where they

Pete: Yeah.

They go, yeah, they go so

Sidey: and

Reegs: Yeah,

Pete: Right. They have to dig in the sand to get it, but then yeah, right at the end, when they opened the, the arc and Bella puts his hand in and just picks up some sand and yeah. And then they will melt and ship, but yeah, lots of, lots of sand. And then same again in in Los crusades, sand.

Reegs: Yeah. Very Sandy movies, the Indiana Jones movie.

Sidey: Uh Movie for you? Well, it's certainly a Sandy scene. It's close encounters of the third kind. The scene I'm talking about is where things have been returned and this particular one, it's a shot of a a native fellow there in the Gobi desert. And he's walking across this epic sand dune with his camel.

And the, the frame is just on him. And then there's a tremendous noise is three. I think there Ford Broncos or wherever his big Jeep things come careering over the top of his sand dune and over his head and down followed by a helicopter and. There's other guys just shouting and pointing them, telling them where to go.

And it opens up and you see this enormous ship just in the middle of the Gobi desert, which has obviously just appeared out of nowhere. And it's the S S Cotopaxi

which had been lost at sea in the Bermuda triangle, but now re now returned to the middle of the Gobi desert. And it's obviously been taken by someone and all the people, all the people on the ship haven't aged today.

They're all as they were when they left. So pretty

Reegs: based on a true story.

Sidey: Yes, it's factual.

Pete: Good

Sidey: don't mentioned those to the guys very often and it's such a fucking

Reegs: it's a good film. Yeah. It's a really good film.

Sidey: you say that one, Pete.

Pete: No,

Sidey: Oh what's the balance

Pete: yes,

I

Reegs: doo doo doo

Pete: Yeah, I have, I have seen it a long, long, long, long time ago and forgotten almost all of it, but yeah, I've seen it.

Sidey: There's a version of it, which has an auto detail on the spaceship on the

Reegs: Yeah, it's really about how Richard Dreyfus abandons his family in like he's driven mad by this it's it's it might, it's a good one to revisit, you know, there's a lot going on in that movie

Pete: why don't you nominate rigs and I

Reegs: and then you might know, watch it. Yeah.

Pete: I'm talking of yeah, films that we don't mention. So I've got a few films here that I, the, I like, I like all three of them and I won't do them all just now. I I'd be interested to see how you guys feel about them. One of them is the film three Kings,

Sidey: I've not?

seen it. I know the one, you mean Clooney.

Pete: Yeah. Yeah. This

Reegs: That's so right. That,

Sidey: spike

Pete: Walberg I really liked it. Yeah. It was spike Jones.

Reegs: It's the one where he's making a phone call while they're under fire. Isn't it? It's I think it's Walberg and his phone, Dick phoning America.

Pete: It's basically, it sets just after the Gulf war go for like the, as all the conflict in earnest as is finished.

But these, these guys, these us Marines or whatever they are have still out in the Gulf and have heard tell of some quat gold, that's been stolen by the Iraqis. And they think that there's no better time than now to go and try and find this gold. But along the way, they kind of become embroiled in, in a bit of the, you know, the aftermath of the war.

And they're trying to help some of the people there's still even though the, you know, the, the, the war effectively is ended, there's still some some conflicts going on. It's, it's, it's feel good in places. It's funny in places it's brutal in places, and it's a film that I really enjoyed. And there's lots of sand in it which is very helpful for, for getting it into my into my top five numbs.

So reach you're you're you're okay with this film.

Reegs: Oh yeah, I remember that being quite a good one. I haven't seen it in a long time, but I do remember being surprised by how good it was. I think it was back in that time where you still didn't necessarily, you know, mark Walberg was still a bit of a. Unknown quantity. Like he hadn't done anything like the departed where you could go.

Well, he's brilliant in that.

Pete: Yeah.

So, yeah, he's, he's on the up-slope and yeah, and Clooney's always easy on the eye,

Reegs: yeah.

Pete: so yeah, maybe what if your vid rumbles on side, you can, you can get involved with.

Reegs: Yeah. That's a good one. The John wick movies, I love all of them. They're a perfect trilogy of violent, modern action classics. Much more. Just spectacle though. The spectacle is spectacle enough. I think it's th the, you know, if you're not familiar with them, the, the three movies, there's a familiar really in simple enough story.

Legendary assassin comes out of retirement to get revenge on the people who killed his dog. But it's wrapped up in this sort of high concept world where a society of Hitman live out their own lives with their own rules of engagement and currencies and accounts of, of high level crime Lords called the high table that ruled the underworld in the world's most powerful criminal organizations.

They're directed by Chad still Leschi, I think is how you pronounce it. It's Keeney reads his stunt double for the matrix. Anyway, in part three, John wick, chapter three Parabellum you may remember that at the end of part, two wick was left , which meant there was basically a target on his back for every assassin everywhere in the world.

And he escapes New York and finds himself eventually in Casablanca, where he goes to the Moroccan continental hotel. It's, they're the sort of franchise safe houses. The continental hotels are sort of Hilton for Hitman. And he's told, he'll have to wander the desert until he can no longer walk in order to meet the elder, the mysterious leader of the high table to high table who tells him they'll spare his life.

If he goes back and kills Ian McShane for offenses against antiques or

Pete: Love joy.

Reegs: Yeah, but you get these unbelievable shots of John wick walking through the desert you know, in his black and white suit that he wears, it's his uniform. You know, he doesn't take it off it, and we've only ever seen him in New York and, you know, in gritty scenes and nighttime scenes and stuff and fighting, and here he is walking through the desert until he can't walk anymore.

Stunning shots. Great movies love him. You've seen him. You've seen him. Yeah.

Sidey: Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Reegs: Oh,

Pete: I don't like dogs, so I'm not bothered. If

Sidey: not dogs in it apart from the bit where it gets killed

at the start. It's

Pete: every

Reegs: no, no, no. There is dogs in, in chapter three, actually in those brilliant there's one who gets a, is

Sidey: Halle Berry,

your stock to

Reegs: Yeah. And no P seriously to give him a try. It's a great is. They're

Sidey: But you would really like the bit you would genuinely be like, it's fucking good.

Pete: Okay.

Sidey: like the matrix is one good foam and three turkeys. Whereas this is three good films and no turkeys.

Pete: Okay.

Sidey: It's rad. Right. I'm going to nominate Spaceballs the

scene The scene I'm thinking of is where the president played by Mel Brooks is fully round with some fluff in bed.

And he gets a zoom call basically from, from someone. And he has to hide her under the covers. And I said, the PR the princess has gone missing. And he says, comb, the desert the desert. I'm telling you comb the desert. And it cuts to fucking giant comb. And two people dragging this comb through literally through the desert is,

Reegs: We ain't found shit.

Sidey: it's that kind of humor.

It's fucking brilliant.

Reegs: Yeah. Yeah. good one. And that, of course, I mean that segues really into tat you know, star wars done it because that's all, it was all and

Pete: it's it's it's on the, yeah, I've got tattooing written, obviously, you know, Jowers Tusken Raiders. Jabba's part of the Sarlacc, the

Sidey: Yeah At the saw that

Pete: Um Yeah,

Reegs: yeah, it's all there.

Pete: yeah. It's an absolute it's and it features all the way through the, the star wars universe. Well, not the universe, but the through the Canon.

Yeah,

Reegs: And I think it was the best part of Boba Fett as well. All the tusk and, and stuff in the

Pete: Yeah,

Sidey: everybody was yeah, everybody

was

Pete: Yeah. Before we go on, I've got, I've managed to find a couple of, couple of world records. These are not ones that we can beat because well, one of them is, is just so I've got the world record for the tallest June, which I thought was worth mentioning because of fucking. Yeah, how massive it is. Anyone who has it a guess, or,

Reegs: well, I don't know. Are we talking hundreds of meters here?

Pete: Well, bearing in mind, we've we, we here in Jersey have have Junes and if you've ever walked up, like some of the bigger ones they're fucking tiring. But yeah, we're talking what 50 feet over here, like 60 feet or something like that maximum. So the tallest dude in the world is the junior Federico bulls and the Catamarca province in Argentina.

And this is 1,230 meters tall, which is only 115 meters shorter than Ben Nevis. So just try and get your fucking head around that a sand dune that is just shorter than

England's tallest mountain. Yeah.

Sidey: God we used to do the football training up those things. Fucking

Pete: I know. Yeah. Not, not the junior Federico Curtis though. That would be a, yeah, we'd be in

Reegs: you like sand toboggan and whatever it's called down the sledge down. It. That would be fucking amazing.

Pete: almost definitely. Yeah. next thing, which is a world record that we can try and be, if we want to, again, surrounded by beaches here in Jersey is the, the world's tallest sandcastle.

Reegs: Yeah. This got to be easy. This one.

Pete: yeah,

Reegs: ACA baker than the biggest Sanjay, you know,

Pete: it's not, no, it's, it's, it's nowhere now.

Reegs: Biggest sign cost So what is it meters you want to in?

Pete: I've got both meters and feet

Reegs: All right. Okay. I'm going to say 18 meters.

Pete: so. Oh you're both so close. It's 21 meters,

Reegs: Oh

Pete: 70 feet, which is still fucking pretty massive for a sandcastle. It was made by Wilfred Steiger in blockers, Copenhagen, Yeah, I get it. 5,000 tons of sand we used in

Sidey: That's not quite tiring

Pete: Yeah. They, they, they took the title from Zee Germans. And the last bit is just a funny story.

It's nothing to do with world records. In Victoria, Australia, someone, and I imagine this can only have been a bloke or lots of blokes managed to draw in the sand of a dry lake, a penis so large that it could be seen from space which hats off to these guys or this one guy. And for years you could see it.

If you went, if you went on the Google street view on Google maps and zoomed out, you could see it and it was tagged as Ozzy Wiener. yeah, so that was, that was very, yeah, like a nice little story there. I've I've got, so two more films that I want to say to you guys How'd you feel about them?

Another one that I actually really like, and I feel that people are not enough people do is the cable guy.

Reegs: Yeah, it's quite, it's quite a lot darker than the rest of Jim Carrey sort of

Pete: seen cable guy. Wow. So that's, I've picked two that you've not seen side, but um

Reegs: scene alone is worth seeing it for

Pete: yeah, there's some fucking, so this, this scene in particular, I'm talking about the involved sand is the the rather bizarre they've they seem to only have these in the U S but these, the medieval themed restaurants.

And so they, they go and there's like a medieval show. And obviously Jim Carey's character who's fucking deranged has organized for him. Him and him and his pal, Matthew Broderick to be like invited down to the arena and, and dress up as Knights and have a fight. And so, yeah, that's exactly what happens.

And at one point, and this is where like Broderick starts realizing that that Carrie's character is fucking unhinged because he's actually like going for him in the fight properly. So he ends up throwing sand in his, his in his eyes. And that's the first time it's like, I am blind, which I think outside can often thingy on

Reegs: eco paid an absolute fortune for it. Didn't he? Jim carry that one and I don't think it was a big box office hit for him. And he'd been off the back of like an unstoppable streak that he'd been

Pete: yeah, I just don't think audiences were ready to see Carey do playing. It was still comedy and there's all this still loads of his visual acting. He's got like a bit of a lisp.

Reegs: It's a lot darker

Pete: yeah, he's, he's not he's not a likable character. And the, you know, like, you know, some of the others that he, that he played, he he's, yeah, he's quite, it is, it is a bit darker.

I S I think it's a really good film and there's this still visual comedy and humor in it, but it is, is a good film. He's fucking deranged, his worth of what side

Reegs: Hmm. Some movies reach you at a particular time and place in your life and they, they touch you and they're so perfect. It can be kind of scary to go back and revisit them in case they're not as perfect this time round, you know what I mean about, do you know what I mean? When you have like an amazing experience, you think of a movie and then and, and one of those movies that I built up in my head over years as a sort of holy cow of awesomeness because I loved it so much when I saw it and I don't think I've seen it since it was weekend at Bernie's.

Anybody seen. A completely OneNote joke movie where two best friends have to pretend they're murdered. Boss's really alive

Sidey: Yeah It's no sequel

Reegs: Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I've seen the secret

Sidey: No I don't know.

Reegs: I just found it piss funny. I mean, it's just like lots of like, pretending that he's alive having to move him, you can imagine exactly the sort of comedy stuff happening around.

But because it's set at their boss's beach house Plenty of sand based fun that happens with this corpse. There's a scene where one of the friends, Richard goes for a romantic walk on the beach with the love interest Gwen, and they lie down on the sand and have a little kiss and the body of Bernie sort of gently washes up in the sea behind him.

And then later a kid is completely buried him in the sand and screamed abuse at him. And then they have to drag him into the house and they vacuum the sand off him. And in the process discover he was wearing a toupee, which becomes more, you know, part of the fun. I, another one that maybe I should watch it on a midweek or, and think was this really still funny because it's been a long time and I was probably 14 when I watched this, so,

Sidey: I haven't seen it since the teenage years. And it was even, it's funny. I'd be like you say it is a lot of. Trying to convince someone that this corpse is alive in it. I suspect it's probably not that funny now, but maybe it is. I don't know. I've got a slight change of tack going for smaller quantity of sands this time.

It's professor slug, horns, our glass from the Harry Potter franchise.

Pete: I forgot about our global.

Sidey: it's a, it's an hourglass, but it's decorated with snakes because he was head of slithering. And it's pointless, magical nurse. Is that the speed in which the sand moves through the hourglass is determined by how interesting the conversation is that he's having with someone. It just seems completely trivial.

Pete: Yeah.

Reegs: Or that is basically just real life though. Isn't it?

Sidey: Yeah. it's true. But it's green sand in this, it, so it's a slightly different sand than we used to in the rest of this top five. So I thought that was worth

Pete: slither in themes and Allah. Yeah. I forgotten about that. Yeah. Cause there's dinner parties or, or a thing.

Reegs: Oh, well, our glasses is opens up a whole new world of

Sidey: I was, cause the reason I thought Vegas is about sure. I wish I could remember someone being trapped inside an hourglass somewhere,

Reegs: well isn't there a Twilight zone episode. That's like,

Sidey: maybe that's it. I couldn't,

Pete: Oh, someone like falling through the bit in the middle and then down into the boat, I've got that. Yeah. Or egg timers, but okay. And then, yeah, so the last one of never, ever gets mentioned this film, but it was fucking huge when for a little spell, especially for the people that had done the, all of the stereotypical backpacking type stuff in the scene.

The beach

Sidey: Yeah.

Pete: di Caprio it's it's, what's his face, isn't it? The Irish fellow in it.

Reegs: You and McGregor

Pete: Boyle?

Sidey: No. Yeah.

Reegs: here at McGregor Danny Boyle. Yeah. Danny ball.

Sidey: no Danny ball director. Yeah. This was the film that they had the year McGregor and Daniel had the fallout of four because he cast to Caprio and not, you have a Gregor and they, for years and years had this feud about it. But yeah. It's your writers out? It's Garland as well.

Reegs: Is it you and McGregor in the book or something because it's a bit matter in the book as well. Isn't it? So,

Sidey: Oh, I don't

know

Pete: No, I've read, I've read the book. And again, this was like one of those things like cliche, or you have to read. It

Reegs: Yeah, it was a bit like

Pete: the F I think the film and the book were, were out around about the same set of times I did a stint of traveling. So it was almost like

Reegs: I knew a lot of decades at the time we were doing that sort of finding themselves in east Asia

Pete: yeah so yeah, I was, I was one of them, but yeah, I I think I, I honestly haven't seen the film for probably 20 years or

Sidey: Rarely mediocre from our member.

Pete: yeah, I dunno. I just there's, you know, DiCaprio is in full heartthrob phase, like this

Reegs: it's a vicious shark

Pete: after there is a vicious it's like some, some nice Swedish guy he gets

mold gets killed.

Reegs: Are you just nominating specifically the fact that it's a beach it's soundness comes

Pete: It is, it is, it is, it is a beach it's called the beach and obviously sand features prominently on, on many beaches, not in

Sidey: you've been to that beach

Pete: Yes, I have. Yeah. It's in co PP Dawn or lay whichever one. I can't remember which one it is. Yeah. I've been there. It doesn't look quite as, yeah.

That's certainly or packet frazzles or something have definitely yeah, definitely lettered the yeah. Not, not as much of a pain in the ass to get to is as it is in the film.

Sidey: just get a boat. Ready? Yeah.

Pete: Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, you can, you can do all that go and say, obviously it's been fucking completely like run all over by tourists because of how prominent it was.

But yeah, the love for that film is, is very little, I'm guessing. Oh, nights. It, I

Sidey: It was all right. it was mediocre

Reegs: I can't remember. I went to the cinema to see it, and I remember thinking it was all right.

Pete: Yeah.

Sidey: that dreadful old science song.

Pete: It did have that, that doesn't yeah, that goes again. The step. Yeah.

Reegs: A Spiderman too, had the character Flint, Marco, and he was the sand.

Sidey: that was three.

Reegs: Spider-Man three had the character, Flint, Marco. He was the Sandman. And he falls into some sort of experiment. It was, I think, really negligent to be honest, that a guy can just fall in there escaping from the cops after. I don't know some stuff that he'd done, but it's one of the great moments I think, in the Spider-Man franchise where after he's been subjected to the.

Centrifuge thing and he's been reduced to nothing is a picture I think, of his daughter in a locket and that's, he tries to form a hand to grab it out of the sand as he becomes the Sandman. And it's a great moment where it's falling through his hand and his, he can't make a hand and all that stuff.

It's a good moment where using CGI, I actually was able to tell a story you know, in a very small moment using the new technology and it told you everything you needed to know about the character and his motivations, just in a quick scene, as he's becoming the thing that he you know, doesn't want to be his alter ego, his villainous self.

Sidey: yeah,

it was a bit of a mess that film

Reegs: I think I still, I think, I think it's okay. I think.

Sidey: it's okay. But for three villains, and then they were trying to do the sentence to six when they cause they had 'em right out and all that at the end.

Reegs: no, no, that was, I'm not in a

Sidey: Yeah.

Reegs: Ryan is at the end of Spiderman three.

Sidey: Yeah. It's Paul Giamatti.

Reegs: but that's in the amazing Spider-Man isn't it?

Sidey: Oh, maybe you're right. Yeah. It's actually that's that's true. Okay. Recrossed the cross

Reegs: Across streams. Yeah.

Sidey: that this is a Sam. Sam Raimi is of course doing Dr. New Dr. Strange movie.

Reegs: Yes

Sidey: in the superhero. Fold

Reegs: Multi-verse madness the trailer for that. It looks bonkers.

Sidey: does a right. I've got a sand storm for you.

Reegs: Yeah. Where, where have you got it?

Sidey: It's in the movie mission, impossible ghost protocol, but geographically we're in the middle east Abu Dhabi. I think. It's the whole chase scene in the sand and blah, blah, blah. But I do have some technical stuff of how they do it. It was used P I know, you know, this, but for rigs has benefits, a plume GPU accelerated simulation rendering application.

Of course which they use to generate all the sand and then they have to do a lot of work inside the sand, the store, working on the density of the sand to make it? look realistic. So there you go.

Reegs: I felt like such a simpleton for not knowing. And both of you guys knew that already.

Sidey: Yeah,

yeah,

Pete: yeah. yeah. There was, well, I had to, I had to fill sided and a couple of bits of those details, but yeah, it was all over that. What film was that?

Sidey: Mission, impossible ghost protocol,

Pete: I think I saw the first mission, impossible film, maybe the second, the second one got Ving Rhames in it.

Sidey: a lot of them that thing, wasn't it.

They have no rights. All right. Franchise. I like Tom cruise.

Pete: disappeared up their own

Reegs: first one's Brian de Palma. The first one's like,

Pete: I liked the first one. Yeah.

Reegs: they're, they they're quite different movies, you know, between the series. They were good ones and bad ones, I think is fair to say.

Pete: Um

Sidey: Quite a short one. I've got a similar one sort of similar because it's a sand storm. It's in the mummy

and it's with M Hotep is the mummy, or is the guy who becomes the

Reegs: Arnold Vosloo

Sidey: of course it is Arnie, the most famous Arnie of all he's he's able to control the sand storm. So when Brendan Fraser, it is isn't, it is coming through, he's in an airplane and he's able to look at it.

And then as he is making the face, the sandstorm replicates what he's doing. So he's kind of able to control it as he's

looking at it It's pretty cool That has a good sort of throwback film that sort of. You know, real matinee kind of fun adventure movie

Reegs: they're pretty ugly though. Steven Summers movies. They're pretty ugly,

Sidey: I'm fine

Reegs: yeah, no, I know what you mean. No good

Pete: not as ugly as your face, but there yeah, no, I, I enjoyed certainly the first one,

Sidey: I

enjoyed the second one in spite of that child. Who's in it as well.

Pete: Is it one of them's got the really bad CGI rock,

Reegs: yeah, the scorpion king

Sidey: that's

Pete: the second one? And then the, and then they started, yeah, he did get his

Reegs: with an even worse CGI

Sidey: I've not seen that It didn't look worth my time.

Pete: the Tom cruise. Mommy one is fucking bullshit.

Sidey: franchise kills right out of the gate.

Reegs: mm. Yeah. It's no good that.

Pete: Yeah. So what have I got only cause we've mentioned it and it was mentioned in last week's top five.

Another mention for doctor. No, this is another beach one, but this is the iconic sort of first I think the first bond girl are we saying, but anyway, Ursula undressed coming out of the water what's his name? Sean is just like leaning. He sort of sitting in a tree ogling her basically. And she's coming out of the water singing.

It's a very iconic scene. Many, many men, like probably like 50 years later, they then did the same back for the ladies that when Daniel Craig came out of the the water in his budgie smugglers and he was looking pretty hot as well. It's a toss up between a sealer and Daniel actually there for a both pretty hot.

And and I've got, I've got some others, but they're mostly just great, big, brilliant films that I really, really like. The sand plays a part in all of them.

Sidey: Yeah, I've got a few like that where I'm like the sound bad, but really sounds not the key

Pete: Sun's not the key, but well, what I might as well do, then I'll just rattle off before I do. Or in fact, we're coming back to me, then I'll rattle off my last ones. But I was a bit disappointed when on the group we had S we started throwing out a few puns to do with names like films, featuring Adam Sandler.

And I was, I was really hoping that that we'd have a couple more of those

Reegs: Yeah.

Pete: Yeah. Like Sandra Bullock, Sandra, Sandra Bullock.

Reegs: Yeah. Yeah.

Pete: no, no one else. Name June Leah Roberts.

Sidey: Oh,

Reegs: That's very good. Yeah, that is very good.

Pete: Yeah. Craven's not here. Someone's

Reegs: Great knee Spears, stretching

Pete: Okay. And she's not even in a film,

Reegs: know,

Sidey: Yeah, she is she?

1. She's got her own movie.

Yeah

Pete: Wow. I

Reegs: leave Brittany alone.

Sidey: I had a couple of others, but are we just gonna, we're gonna call it a day

there and

Reegs: no, fuck you surely there's there's, there's plenty of others to discuss surely. Oh, well at least it was a couple I wanted to mention well who the planet of the apes movie it's the, the big twist reveal is the statue of Liberty on a speech that's kind of

Sidey: Yeah. They, they built their own replica of the statue of Liberty on their own

planet which is weird

Reegs: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Prince of Persia, anyone seen that, it's the one where Jake Gillan hall uses a British accent to convey that he's from Persia, which is a choice that they all made and then agreed on and then tried to out and did the dailies and watch the dailies and said, oh, that looks like it works and kept going with it.

And I can't remember a lot about it. He's got a bit park or do it. He does some park or, and he's shirtless a lot. And he's

Sidey: night there's a dagger Does it

Reegs: is a

Sidey: reversing dagger or

Reegs: Yeah. Yeah. And he's, there's like various variations of collapsing, sand and quicksand and buildings that collapse into sand and giant sand storms, I think may be monsters that take the form of sand.

What I'm trying to say is that there is a lot of sand based. Stuff that happens in and nightmare on Elm street for the dream master has a scene on a beach where it's, she starts out looking out to the ocean and you see a fin in the water and it's like jaws, but then you realize it's Freddie's glove.

And then it comes up through the water and then up through the beach and Freddie kind of explodes out of a sandcastle. And then he puts his sunglasses on, which is good, sun safety. And then he puts his foot on her head and pushes her down into the, sand. That's a

Sidey: That's a bit mean

Reegs: bit mean. Yeah, he wasn't, he wasn't a nice guy, but a lot of the people he killed were like 28 year old teenagers.

And you know, the

Sidey: 28 year old teenagers.

Reegs: well, that's what they're liking those movies. Aren't they? Where it's like the 30 year olds who play this guy is 15 and he's got a full beard. I mean, there was the sand worms. I alluded to this earlier, the sand worms from like do nor tremor. That's good sand content. I

Sidey: I, I had Jane Dan because the whole, the whole premise is that taking control of this planet Iraqis because the second. As the spice in it, you know, that they're trying to get control of. So I thought that was key.

Reegs: yeah, it's

Sidey: Yeah. Have you seen the movie?

Reegs: No,

Pete: I really liked it, but it obviously it's it's, you know, it's

Sidey: It was

bold It was bold because when they released it, there was no green light for the second part. And if they had, if they hadn't done the second part, it would just be a non the story. You know what I mean? Because I haven't read the book or seen the original David Lynch version, so I don't know

what happens

Pete: have seen the original David Lynch version and it's fucking crackers. I've watched it when I had COVID actually, it's probably, now's a good as good as time as any to, to watch

Reegs: it's on Netflix at the moment

Sidey: I know. I just don't really want to watch

Reegs: as it's alive, actually.

Pete: laughable in it's laughably bad in some parts, but kind of fun, like okay. In others,

Sidey: I also have. Blade runner 2049. There's that shot that really orange kind of shot where I think it's Ryan, Gosling's walking away and it's sort of Sandy stormy kind of really beautiful shot, then everyone else really great director of that

Reegs: Ryan baby geese.

Sidey: Yeah. And I had the Sarlacc pit from maternity Jed.

I, and also I had, because I love it is the good, the bad and the ugly and to code takes Clint's character is unnamed, Blondie, occasionally referred to in the film prisoner and just basically drags them across the desert. And it's so arid and parched that it's, it's almost dried up completely in the surface of the ground is all cracked and completely barren.

And then. It's called blonder. He's not raised, not allowed him to wear a hat or anything like that. He's just completely sunburned his lips. His face is scared is all now starting to look like the ground is completely fucking ravaged by the sun. So nice way. They've used the landscape to mimic that through the character as well.

It's a fucking cool movie. You guys seen it.

Good The bad, the ugly.

Reegs: yes.

Pete: no dunno. Westerns.

Sidey: It's good though. It's really good to set up versus three hour one.

Pete: Yeah. Oh,

Reegs: Sergio

Sidey: It's funny It's it's like, it's a funny movie with drama and shit as well. I might nominate that one

Reegs: Is that Sergio Leone?

Sidey: It's the third part of the dollars

Reegs: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Pete: yeah.

Sidey: right?

I'm out.

Pete: okay. I'll just, I'll just reel off my last few. They're more just brilliant films or I think brilliant films with, with sand in them rather than the mad max fury road, absolute fucking 10 out of 10, all the mad max films have sound in them because of the the desolation and and so

Sidey: of the soul.

Pete: Yeah. But mad max fury road is worth mentioning all the

Sidey: well, I say way up there, there's an attempt to cancel Tom Hardy now all of a sudden,

Reegs: well, he was a prick too. He sounds like he was a twat on yeah. Onset of fury road.

Sidey: acknowledged by himself as well,

Pete: Well

Sidey: it all right.

Pete: there was a brilliant film that came from

Sidey: So all right

Pete: So yeah. So I'll forgive him. That's the sound? I said point breaks a fucking brilliant film as well.

Reegs: That's the bodies' IFA. They call him the bodies' ID.

Pete: Yeah, I don't think Patrick Swayze's ever look hotter. Jaws, you mentioned there before oversea, very iconic.

Lots of sand and that because of the,

Sidey: Mostly water-based stuff out of that movie.

Pete: There's there's sand there's beaches. There's a lot of beach.

Sidey: beaches in the world, but we can't just nominate every film that's on the world.

Pete: Well, there's sound engineers. So I mentioned it another one that we have mentioned before each moment, mama tambien the whole plot is defined a, like a beach, like a famous beach that, that they've heard so much about. And they go on a journey and they do find a beach, whether it's the beach or not.

Reegs: well there's one, a bit like that in Moonrise kingdom, the where's the Anderson PIDO movie that we watched, where they dance in their pants to French music on a beach that they were looking.

Pete: And yeah, just to finish off a couple of TV ones we've already mentioned it before and this, this pod, but the mighty Boosh, the fans and the youth episode, there's the sand storm, there's the desert of nightmares and everything. And also the episode Milky Joe and the cocoa nuts. That's fucking brilliant.

 I think is some brilliant, brilliant, like comedy British comedy TV is the rise and fall of Reggie Perrin, which whilst in the actual series itself, there's not a lot of sun. The the opening credits shows him basically stripping off naked and walking out into the sea. So it's just like the unraveling of this guy with his completely mundane, repetitive life working for the man and has, and it's just some fucking brilliant acting and comedy that, that comes of it.

And, and right at the sort of the crescendo of the series, he does have a breakdown and walk out into the sea and come back, like fakes his own death and then comes back pretending to be, I think it's like a brother or somebody else and convinces everyone that he's not him.

Sidey: Leonard

Pete: it's

Sidey: is it?

Pete: Leonard Rossiter is.

Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen see much of it? Any

Sidey: yeah, yeah. We're still with,

Pete: yeah, fucking ready to get stuff, but I said I'm out.

Sidey: right. What are you going for? Peter?

Pete: Mainly just to remind Riggs what a fucking ass clown is. Lawrence of Arabia.

Sidey: Okay. We've never had that before

where the mid weaker is in the top five

Pete: it has to be for me.

Sidey: ranks.

Reegs: John wick chapter three. Parabellum

Sidey: Okay. I'm going to put in professor slow, corns, hourglass

Pete: Ooh.

Sidey: bit variety. And then we need a couple of norms from Jeff kitchen and associates,

sand content cupboard in our top five, but we're now moving onto the Sandy beaches sort of in a way it's a ham-fisted way of segwaying into basically a football documentary.

Reegs: it's brilliant society. That is.

Sidey: and we're in Brazil. Anyway. Let's just put it that way. We were in Brazil, but you nominated this one.

Pete: I did. Yeah. I'd I'd heard, I'd heard the story about this guy. I'd say. You know, maybe three, four years ago, maybe five than I, when it was, but it was, it was not that long ago. And as a an avid football fan, and I know you guys are as well. It was, it was an interesting story. And one that I think was probably, you know, part of, a bit of a, an urban legend or whatever, but then not that long ago, I'd found out that there had been subsequently been a book released and then a film about this guy.

And the guy that we're talking about is somebody called Carlos Enrique repos. So known as Carlos Kaiser and effectively, in a nutshell, this film is a documentary with a couple of light drown lights, slightly dramatized, but it's about a Brazilian footballer who was, was actually no such thing. He wasn't a football at all.

He was a con artist who managed to. Have a career spanning, I think 23 years of professional know, as a professional football without ever playing. We believe a single game of professional football, which in itself is, is a, is a bit of a feat. But even within that, that sort of fairly crazy story, there's, there's a load of other, fairly mental scenarios that, that kept cropping up as part of this guy's career.

Sidey: It comes up at the star and says, this is it says some of this is true. And I was like, oh, well,

Pete: Yeah. Well, yeah,

Sidey: as it, as it. Scott, Scott again, you see, you see a lot of Brazilian football is that you recognize his talking heads talking about him. And I was thinking, how are they going to fucking string this out for an hour?

And a half of him just dodging like different clubs. It's going to get on my fucking nerves, this but a lot more stuff comes out. And the story of just what was gathered on

Pete: I thought exactly the same, because the first 15 minutes of the film, like you say, is just very recognizable people. You know, likes to Z Cohen and Carlos Alberto. And these are some, I mean, it's probably worth saying if there's anyone who who's gonna listen to this and is listening to this who isn't aware football is a fucking religion in Brazil.

It is, I've been lucky enough to spend time there. And, and especially in Rio and it is football is an absolutely worship. Everyone plays football. Everyone talks about football everywhere you go. There are, there are football pitchers on the beach or a fiber side courts. W whether it's like the more affluent parts of the city or the slums or whatever it is absolutely football, mental as a city.

And I believe the whole country is so It's I think it's probably the dream of every young Brazilian to become a professional footballer.

Reegs: well, it's certainly a way to escape the huge amounts of poverty that there are

Pete: there is, there's a lot of poverty.

Reegs: of children living in abject poverty

Pete: It's and that, that comes across. Yeah.

Reegs: well.

Pete: Yeah. There is it does provide hope and escape and light relief, whether you're participating or watching or whatever it may be. But but yeah, I was with you. So the first 15 minutes, I just thought how many different people are they just going to say, ah, you know, this guy?

Yeah.

Sidey: He was injured all the time.

Pete: Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's

Sidey: I get it.

Pete: it's quite repetitive. And I was thinking like, God, I want to know the how, and I want to know the, yeah, the more, the more detail, but it does kind of settle down into then a bit of a linear sort of narrative about what was this crazy

Reegs: as well.

That, that first 15 minutes in particular is presented as this sort of comedic thing of him like his tiny Speedos and his extravagant mallet. And he's like flicking it along and the whole thing, and then ogling shots of women, which. Sort of seedy and not very nice detail of the story actually.

And yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got the sort of tone of like a lads mag, like FHM or something at the beginning of it, but then, like you say it settles down

Pete: Some, yeah, no, not all, not all of it, but some of it, yeah, there's, there's this guy, what a character, what a guy and everything like that. But it does then settle down into a bit of a, into a bit of a story. What, what I think is, is never really that apparent apparent is, is how good at football he actually was, because I think the way he describes it, it was like, is that he was good at football, but compared to the people, the professionals that he was like rubbing shoulders with, he wasn't good at all.

So I think there must have been a point in time at

Reegs: we'll be better. You said.

Pete: originally.

Reegs: I think his fitness was strong and that's how he would get into a club. Wasn't it? He, his fitness was really good. So he would do the fitness drills in preseason and they'd give him a contract. And then as soon as he actually had to kick a ball, he'd get an injury. But, but Beto would S was said, particularly because he played with him twice.

I say, played with him very loosely. He would be dashing. He said he was completely out of his depth. And he was dashing. They were doing what's it called? The Rondo. Is that what it's called? Where

Pete: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Reegs: basically piggy in the

Pete: yeah, yeah,

Reegs: and

Pete: And he was always the Peggy.

Reegs: fuck.

They said, they'd end up killing him because he'd never get the ball

Pete: But I mean, he had, he actually had, he was at the, he was at bottle Fargo in Flamingo as a youth of the first time, he was nine years of age when he went to bottle Fogo. So he did have an element of pedigree that, that got him. And this is, this is before his, like, I guess like very calculated scamming was a thing.

So he had a very basic level of ability where football was concerned, but was never going to

Reegs: as a player,

Pete: footballer.

Reegs: you'd say he was a, you'd say he was probably a false nine,

a very, very, very false

Pete: Very full-size full sunlight is as you can possibly go. Yeah. So anyway, it seems to it all seems to sort of. Kickoff in terms of the career when he when he moved in inverted commerce to adjust CEO,

Reegs: Is that the Corsican club?

Pete: yeah. On the island, of course sicker. And, and what the, what the film documentary does is it, is it kind of gives you his story, first of all, it gives you the origin of his nickname, which he claims is because he was, you know, like friends back in Bauer.

His nickname was the Kaiser because he was a king and a, and he was the best and everything like that, he latched on set, but actually turns out that his, his friend said that he was nicknamed Kaiser because it was bottles of, or of cans of lager.

Reegs: when it

Pete: where the, the bottle, the can itself was quite kind of like stocky and physically resembled his mate.

So that's where we got the nickname Kaiser. So anyway, he, he, he. In inverted commas, as I say, he goes off to adjust SEO in Corsica and has a couple of seasons. And there's a really weird

Reegs: he's supposed to at the when he's introduced to the Ajaccio, I can't pronounce it. How do you pronounce

Pete: yeah,

Reegs: When he's introduced to the fans? It's like an open training session and he doesn't want to show off his lack of skills. So he boots all the balls into the crowd and they just go nuts. Like he's like a cult hero instantly.

Pete: Yeah, exactly. Because I think, you know, I remember, and I'm sure you guys do in the sort of late, late eighties, early nineties, and I'm sure before that, if there was a Brazilian player rocking up at your football club, it didn't really matter if you'd heard of him or not. The fact that he was Brazilian men that.

Reegs: You going to win everything.

Pete: Yeah. It's like saying in rugby or whatever. Oh yeah. This guy plays for the all blacks or something like that. It's going to be, you know, that they're going to have a serious pedigree just because of the country that they've, that they've come from. So he's rocked up at Brazil. I think the, the weird thing about this part of it is that they have some comments from Alexandra Koto or something like that.

Another Brazilian guy who, who was playing for adjusts, you know, at the time. And he was kind of, I guess, ratifying Kaiser's story. And like you say, rather than have to do some key pups in front of the crowd, he just wellies bulls in the crowd and kisses the badge a few times and you know, probably pounds the fence and stuff and gets them going and becomes a bit of a cheerleader.

And, and they, they see him as a bit of a cult hero. What he then does is goes on to use this sort of identification that he's got with a picture of himself, the Jesse. And PR you know, his profession as his footballer. So then open doors back in Brazil to either get loan moves or, or, or short-term contracts where his, his, I guess, as you said, rigs, the, the his plan each time is to, is to get in there, demonstrate that he's very sort of like, you know, physically athletic and fit.

And obviously he talks a very good game in the first place, but then at the first site that he ever has to kick a ball, whether it's in training or a friendly or anything like that, he would fade injury. Or as he says, he is his, you know, his grandmother had to die about 15 times to get out of playing football because and, and

Reegs: And we've got to contextualize it as well, because I think. What becomes clear is that people were aware actually that he was ripping them off, but nobody wanted to be sort of to say this guy was a bullshit artist. They just pass the problem on and Google was it, you couldn't just Google a guy and just go, who is this guy?

You know, it was a different world. I mean, he was able to get away with this for a long time because people were embarrassed to admit they'd been played or he did actually have some kind of impact upon the team in some way, which I'm sure we'll go into

Pete: I mean, he, he didn't yeah, sorry. He wasn't, I don't think he was necessarily known to be a fraud everywhere he went, but certainly at some places it was known, but almost accepted because you know, and one of the key characters in this story is as we'll come on to says later on, it's like, you know, we entertained it, but is this there's another better word for it, but anyway, yeah, he basically, we, we sort of entertained his you know, his antics because he was fun to have around because he was a likable guy. Exactly, exactly. Right. It was a bit of a cheerleader. I mean, that happens in, in amateur football where, you know, it's not necessarily the best player that will become like the most light in and around the place.

But

Reegs: happened. It happens in professional football. They I've seen a thing recently that a lot of like premium. Reserve teams have got older English players in playing in with their youngsters, like genuine. I'm trying to think of, I had like a good name, but it's gone from my head, but genuine professionals who've played at premier league and championship level playing it, premier league reserve team level now, so that the youngsters have an idea of what it takes to make it at that level.

Pete: Yeah. Another, another one of his tricks, just to kind of like perpetuate the, the myth was he had a toy, a mobile phone that

He would like get to get to somehow vibrate in his bag. And then he pretends to have a conversation with someone from Barcelona or somewhere else. And it, and he'd like play out this fantasy in front of the entire dressing room and then walk out and then people would just reach in his bag and find out that this thing was a toy.

So I think probably the, that where the, the, the first kind of slight change in, in the, in the rhythm of this is, is it, is it bongo is the club that he, he plays for? Well, yeah, there's the oh, no, sorry. Yeah, yeah. But before we go and say, yeah, he, he has a, not, I wouldn't say a striking resemblance, but, but a bit, a bit, a bit of a resemblance.

Well, he looks good in

Reegs: a

mullet

Pete: a bit of a mullet. Yeah. But there's a renouncing Gaucho.

Sidey: Gaucho was a real dish.

Pete: Absolutely. Yeah, yeah,

Sidey: better looking than a yeah, It's

Pete: yeah. Yeah. I still said a good looking guy and he was the real deal he was. Although I don't believe he played in Europe and so probably less familiar to us over here.

He was a fucking talented footballer.

Sidey: Looked to me like, not in terms of the way he played, but the way that George Best, the way he was quality on the pitch and fucking enjoyed himself off the pitch,

Pete: absolutely.

Sidey: he was absolutely having it.

Pete: Yeah, he was he was a bit of a poster boy for, you know, Brazil or certainly Rio at that time. And because of a passing resemblance at best with, with this guy Kaiser effectively like dined out on his name. So, so the point where he even goes in and got himself into a nightclub and then it was only when the real Minolta Gaucho showed up and had to get all his friends to, to assure the bouncer that, that he was the real one.

And then there was a, a bit of a not really a confrontation, but then it was an awkward situation where they were both there. And I think yeah, th the, it played out that Kaiser was really embarrassed because he, he he'd been found out to be, to be a fraud. But that also opened a lot of doors for him.

His, his, like, as I say alleged resemblance to, to announce a Gaucho, but when he goes to Bangui he's he plays under a right. I guess bitch arrow Casta, Casta de Andra day, who initially like you see footage of him, he's having, he's having a little bit of a dance. He looks like a bit of a harmless, like lovable, older, older geezer.

And it turns out that he's a, he's a violent maniac. So the point where

Sidey: it's it's there's lottery shops. First you're led to believe that he's just shady. It's definitely like on the wrong side of the law, but it's sort of

Pete: but it's accepted. Yeah. Yeah. They turn a blind eye to it.

Sidey: it's an

illegal illegal, but not policed. Lotteries scheme that everyone plays and he's obviously made millions, but as we learn more about this guy, it's not just that he's like proper drugs Baron.

Pete: Yeah. And and I mean, you know, one of the stories you hear is about a training when he there was an injured player, like lying on the ground and this, this guy just goes up and shoots his gun at his feet and the guy gets up and sprints off. He's somebody you're not that injured all you, so you can play it the weekend.

So

Reegs: grainy video footage of him chasing a referee around the pitch and they zoom in and that you can see a gun in his backpack.

Pete: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's bad. And they, they,

Reegs: VAR. I don't

Pete: they stop the footage. They stopped the footage at the point that all the people catch up with them. So I imagine he took a bit of a fucking beating there. But yeah, this, this is where it all

Reegs: told though, isn't he he's told by, he asked to play.

Pete: yeah.

Reegs: such a

Pete: He is told. And, and, and where the where the, the sort of, yeah, his, I guess his stock is rising because he is. Spends more time in this Cassidy and dry days office that he does out on the training ground or playing. And that's kind of accepted because he, you know, he he's he's befriended him. He's he's charismatic. He he's. Yeah, he, he, he, he's a likable guy that this owner slash gangster has taken a shine to, but he's adamant that he is going to play.

So he,

Reegs: Well, but one of

Pete: night a

Reegs: of the reasons that he wants him, and again, you know, it comes up a few times, but he's got this basically almost endless supply of women that he's able to bring to the club and Kirsten during dry day. I'm sure we'll get to this point as well, but he also likes women and has been enhanced so that he

Pete: that's it's not, that's not Carson. That's the other guy. That's, that's the flume uneasy guy. Yeah. Yeah. Don't jump ahead to, to, to that, but He wants, he wants this Kaiser to play because unbeknownst to him, he's also, he's also paying for one of the ball boys to go into the stand and get all his mates from like the slums and stuff to China, his name.

And so-and-so, he's already a cult hero at the club without ever having kicked a ball. He wants him to play. So one day he gets a phone call at like four in the morning when they find, they find them in a nightclub at four and says, listen, you're on the bench today. So go. And so he arrives back at the hotel just as the players are getting up.

He's he's just rocking in

Sidey: he doesn't actually drank though We should say

Pete: No, he doesn't. He doesn't drink. Yeah. They're very, very true. Yeah. I think because his mother was an alcoholic, so he does, he doesn't drink. But he certainly parties and he's, he's rocking in you know, in the wee hours. It's put on the bench, but assured that he's, he's not going to be played.

It's just because the fans want to see him and everything like that. And then at some point in the game, Dan dry days asked him just said to the manager, right. Stick Kaiser on. So he gets him to get some to go and warm up. But at this point, bear in mind, he knows that this guy is fucking dangerous and has a gun, and presumably will have people killed or

Reegs: Where he was, he was considered at the time, the most dangerous man in Brazil, which would probably make him one of the

Pete: that makes you fairlead. Yeah. That makes you pretty dangerous. So he's got the he has to think on his feet, he's got the choice of, of coming on and playing and being seen to be a fraud or not playing and probably getting shot and either way he's probably getting shot here. So he comes up with the the genius on a day, or if.

Confronting a fan and leaping the fence and getting involved in fisticuffs with some fans getting sent off before he's even got a chance to go on the pitch. And then even more innovatively when he's in confronted by the owner in the change room after the game, spins it magnificently and said, oh, this for these fans, they were, they were, you know, challenging your honor.

And your, you know,

Reegs: So it was all like, I never knew my father, but now you know, your, my

Pete: it's fucking bro. Yeah, he plays it. He plays it. Well, he plays it so well that not only does he get let off, he gets a a contract extension and a pay rise, which is absolutely unbelievable. Then we move on. where I've I haven't got the other guy's name, but there's a similar character.

He's also a big arrow, but lesser he's less prominent, but I think it's suggested that he gets in because this other, the driver guy owes him some money. So he gets a lot of players from who then come in and, you know, former world cup winners and stuff like that. And Fleming easy go and search. So when the title and so on but he. Yeah. He, he ends up becoming effectively the club pimp for both the owner and the players. He talks about where, so the, the owner rather magnificently has had a, some sort of like penis operation where a penis pump has

Sidey: Yeah. I want to see it because it sounded incredible. I'd never heard of this

Reegs: He had like a, like a button or a valve in his penis that he could make it

Sidey: I know they have a lady there talking about it and she says he would just be sat there talking to you and you could see it with, it would just be quite prominent, you know, at this thing. And everyone, everyone knew that he had this blow up Dick basically, you know? And I really want to see it.

Reegs: because they didn't have Fiat GRA. So he, it was a mechanical device in his penis that would make it.

Pete: yeah.

Reegs: bizarre.

Pete: But it sounds like he was, he was so happy with the outcome of the operation that he would, he would, he would get it to, let's say let's call it a semi sort of status and have it protruding from his trousers. Most of the time he'd wear tight trousers, like at press conferences and stuff. Yeah. That

Reegs: he, memorably

Sidey: reminds me it does remind me of our indices and dues at the wards.

Pete: with the short shorts. Yeah. Yeah, but you can see a lot of cock and balls on display, but yeah. So, because he wants to whilst he's obviously got the, the, the ability to perform what, what Kaiser's able to do too, is bring him, bring him girls that I guess, would otherwise be unattainable for him that, so and he's pretty happy with that.

So they're pretty happy with the, with the arrangement all around. But he, yeah, he, th th there's parts where they go to, they stay in the hotel. The w for, for an away game, they'll stay on the sixth floor of the hotel and Kaiser will book out the whole of the fifth floor and just fill it with girls. And the, the players will, we'll go down and have a bit of fun either the, you know, the night before the game or night after or whatever.

And that's how he kind of like

Sidey: there's there's, there's some talking head stuff with some of the old projects that, and, all, you know, it was great fun. Kaiser would take us out and then we'd like crawl through some little space to go through the kitchen and Baba and we'd be gone. And they're like, why don't we just, we'd rather just pay the fucking cover.

You know, the doctors go,

Pete: they're professional. Verbal is yeah.

Sidey: But he just wanted to live that sort of, you know, it's like the Goodfellow scene, isn't it. We're going through the kitchen and everything.

Pete: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And then, I mean, you know, so, so it's kind of like, there's obviously a shady side, a seedy side, a, you know, a not so pleasant side. I mean, you know, my, my experiences are Brazil is a very macho, it was a very much show culture. You know, so I know, I know exactly what you're, what you're saying, rigs, but the, the, you know, there was a point in, so there's a lot of the women in Rio when I was there, especially on the beaches and so on, are not wearing a great deal.

And they are actively encouraging people to look at them. They are not, when I say asking for it, no I'm saying it almost like they're offended if you're not looking kind of

Reegs: It's a more sexual culture, I guess.

Pete: A, is a very, very sexual culture.

Reegs: to, to, to look past the very many troubling issues that there are with consent around any of this half the time the women wouldn't have known who they were sleeping with. Most of them thought they were sleeping with Renato.

Gaucher's not Kaiser. And even if they did know, he was kind of essentially trafficking women to the places the hotels whoring them out. And yes, there will have been some women who, who enjoyed it, but we can't pretend everything in this environment with these people was all consensual and all happy times, even though you've got many Brazilian legends talking about it.

And I think it's a really problematic and troubling aspect of the, of the whole documentary is, is the, the attitude towards the women victims that they would have been.

Pete: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it is it's, it's definitely, I mean the whole sort of film and documentary from this point, it's, it started off very kind of like, you know, silly and jovial, like, you know, the, the scene. Standing around in budgie smugglers and mullets bouncing and all of that kind of stuff. That's that's long since passed and it just kind of like gets darker and darker, like you say,

Reegs: Well it's as Kaiser loses control of the narrative a little bit because they get, I can't remember the guy's name, but it's somebody who allegedly played with them. Ajaccio they bring them in and kite. So Kaiser has been just stringing all these stories along and we've been enjoying all the stories, but now suddenly the truth is starting to come through.

Pete: Yeah. So it's it's a guy who sort of a form of friends a guy called who, who did play at adjust. Yeah. And it's, it's almost like a, a bit of a yeah, it's, it's a bit of a shock in the, in the film where it's, it's announced this for being, you know, just blatantly announces. It's like he never went to Corsica.

He's never even been there. He has nothing to do with that club. It was, I

Reegs: he was there for a few weeks. Wasn't he?

Pete: Yeah, I gave him the shirt. And then he even walks. It even shows you what she round the, the playing field in Brazil, like a, sort of a little known playing fields in Brazil where he would, he would go from time to time with Kaiser.

And that's where they did the photo shoot, where he effectively fates that he'd gone to this team in Europe. And. And at that point you're kind of thinking, right? What do you know is this for being yoga, an ax to grind with him and is it all completely made up and so on, then it goes back to this Alexandra Koto guy who, who had previously said in the film about a Jeff Sierra and what happened and everything.

And then they asked him the direct question. Did, did he ever go to play for Ajaccio? He just goes no, never. He was never there. And what you find out indulging was the word that I was looking for before is that the vast majority of the people. You know have hung around with them that have offered soundbites for the, for the film, but better.

I mean, this is a very prominent, like world cup winning guy. He's laughing about like, you know, that how ludicrous most of this is, but sees him as a harmless kind of character that they had fun with. And, and, you know, wasn't harming other people, obviously that is, is definitely questionable, but he's yeah, he's basically now.

Been completely exposed as a fraud. He admits himself that he's a fraud. He, he, he admitted all along that he, you know, he didn't want to have to play football because he knew he wasn't good enough. And that his whole Mo was to just live the lifestyle of a, of a professional footballer. But the majority of what had got him into these situations was, was based on complete lies and fabrication.

And it's only when he's, I guess, challenged with that, that you see this like real, like, I dunno, dark and unhappy desperate side of this guy who up till now has been kind of like sat there really pleased with himself, with his sunglasses on and just, you know,

Reegs: well, who he is, is remained at and an enigma really. And then all the, you know, all the things that we've been told in the documentary so far, and we're probably two thirds of the way through now. You know, now you're questioning it. You're going well, did that happen? And did that really happen? And this story that you told me that that happened, do we know.

Pete: Yeah. And that's where the, this is the part where, what you said right at the beginning side where it says a lot of this is true or some of this is true. That's when that makes more sense, because it's so right. Okay. So what we know you're led to believe that this is a guy being honest about the fact that he's been a liar all of his career.

Whereas actually you find out that in the documentary itself, he's still been lying in perpetuating those licenses to the point where I think he probably believed them all.

Sidey: yeah, I think he's, I think he's delusional

Pete: yeah, he is

Sidey: I think is it Carlos? Alberto says you just cannot believe anything that he says, you just cannot believe it, but he's still like chuckling. He's still like, oh, well, you know, he's just a bit of a lad. Whereas Zico thinks eco fucking really didn't

like him He was like this he's more like purists. Like this is the game. This is what we love. And you're just taking the piss out of it.

Pete: Yeah. I mean, he

Sidey: of them were a bit like wow. It's all right.

Pete: he's pretty much the only person in it that has some negative stuff to say about him other than for, and even that for BDO, doesn't say no negative stuff. He just said, look, I just, I just couldn't stand there and like tell all these lies because they lies he had nothing to do with it.

He doesn't actually say he's like bad or negative stuff about him. But I mean, sort of before you see like the, the final kind of like part of the film, I mean, he's, he's Kaiser has got himself on, you know, the equivalent of, I don't know what the, what the biggest, I guess, for, for a spell, like soccer, not soccer am or whatever, it may be like, you know, the most prominent football shows and you see, you see, like you see Rinaldo, you see palai, you see all of the, the greatest players ICO of all time, the Brasilia greatest Brazilian players of all time.

This guy has got himself on the same chat show to speak about his life as a professional footballer. And he's a complete fraud. He's never played a game, a minute of professional football, which in itself is, is a remarkable achievement and sort of, I guess it's, you know, it's a crazy set of circumstances.

That's led him to that. But then this last part is quite difficult viewing, but far different. Totally like totally to the, to the rest of the film, which as you say it very much at the beginning, almost a bit, not like nuts magazine or whatever, and this very much couldn't be further from it where he starts opening them up.

But he effectively says that, you know, Carla's Kaiser is, is, is a character and this is the guy that he likes to be and everything, but his, his Carlos Enrique is a desperately, unhappy, damaged individually. He uses the word himself to describe himself damaged. And then you find out that, you know, you find out a bit more about his mother, about these, these aunties that, that he lived with who were very old and they've cleaners and stuff like that, then you

Reegs: I think his mother was a very powerful figure in his life and she was very abusive. That's a

Pete: Yeah. She mentioned about the beatings and everything. I mean, no, no father is to speak of, as far as we know, you find out about a son that was, that was born as part of a, not a marriage, but in a, whether it was a one night stand or a relationship or whatever. And whilst he certainly didn't have much of a part to play in his life his son dies I'm sure. He said he got, he married two different women and both of them died.

Reegs: does say that. Yeah. Unfortunately the problem is with all this stuff that we've heard so far, it's difficult not to think really,

Sidey: I yeah I that's exactly it rigs. Cause when that last day and he's kind of sitting was, was he even sitting on a chair? Was it like a crate? I can't even

Pete: looked like a crate or something.

Sidey: And he's, you know, it's all very sad and I was just thinking, I don't know if I believe you. I don't know if this is all an active performance because you're trying to paper over everything that's happened.

I just didn't it's it's one of those that just leaves you on the.

shore about literally anything that's happened so far.

Reegs: Yeah.

Pete: I mean, there's, you know, lying to football Scouts or presidents or whatever, to get yourself a contract and, and, and have a giggle and play sport. And everything is one thing. I mean, of course it's, you know, it's, it's, it is lying, but it's, it's fairly victimless as, as a crime.

But, you know, if, you know, God forbid this, this child that he's saying that he had lost and everything is, is a fabrication. There's a picture. Cause there's a picture isn't there. There's there's him, this, this boy and his renounce, a Gaucho I'm going to, you know, in this renounce renounce, I was saying like how honored he is to, to, to be considered part of his family and the, you know, because he

Sidey: That's a weird, that was weird. I thought.

Pete: Yeah I hadn't actually was, I was watching the film. I had, I, I took that at face value and maybe that's what this guy is so very good at is that, you know, that whilst he's talking, he's convincing and that's exactly what somebody says in the film is that if you let him speak for long enough, you will believe what he says.

He will convince you that what you're saying is true. And I guess I was convinced because I just thought, well, this is all of this is an explanation as to why he's been, I guess, you know, deceptive and duplicitous at best, but, you know you know, kind of under hand worse. But yeah, I hadn't considered that the, the, the mother's story, that the ANSI story that the that the son's story even, or the wives

Reegs: think you can say, I mean, who knows, but you can't take anything. He says as being true.

Pete: No. And even now, now I think about it. He takes his glasses off cause he's worn sunglasses, the entire film, and you see this light, this, this eye that appears to be kind of blind or whatever, can easily get out of contact lenses and make your eye look like that. So,

Reegs: you think he's a faker? Oh, I

Pete: this, well, listen, listen, I didn't go there.

Oh, that that's where you're drawing the line. All the other stuff is it, yeah. Wow. I'd not thought of that. And so yeah, I thought that that's basically the, the, the end of the film. There's

Reegs: Yeah. It's the confrontation and him sort of breaking down the Kaiser persona and allegedly revealing some true details of his life. And then it kind of ends with more talking head stuff and people talking about some of them talking about what a great guy is, Zico talks about being an affront to football.

And then if it says that Kaiser played 30 games in, on the way out which. I don't think that all I read that the director, I think, right. Or whatever it was his name, Louis Miles. He doesn't think that's true. He thinks that he

Pete: well, there's, there's actually a Wikipedia page for him as a footballer. And it's, it's rather amusingly, he got his entire senior career, which has about sort of 15 clubs on it. And it has appearances for every single one of them as zero. Which is,

Reegs: And how many

Pete: obviously, and zero goals from those zero games as well.

So

Reegs: I like to do the same thing and it just made me laugh because it said that he played for the bottom Fogo youth team. I think it was. Or, and then it said that he played for them like six years later and I was hoping work.

Pete: Well, he played for them, I think three times. Maybe, yeah. You know, somebody wanted some girls or, or, or something else that, that some, some like some hooky bracelets or something. Yeah, one of the guys I've forgotten his name now. W it was, he was a world cup winner who was with him at and then later on either or Vasco, I can't remember what it was, but actually like cries.

When, cause they're talking about, I mean, he talks about him with such fondness. I mean, they won the league, they won the, the, the Brazilian title when Kaiser was was an invert. It comes as a teammate. He was part of the setup. Let's say almost like a mascot, I guess, and a. He thinks about him so fondly, and then they, you know, they obviously relate to him.

You don't see it, but obviously relayed to him like the, the story that he's told about, you know, girlfriends, son, wives, mother, I, all of this of stuff. And then the guy actually breaks down crying, saying, oh, I didn't, I didn't know he was having a bad time. And it really like any asks for the recording to stop because he's, he's deeply affective because he's obviously very fond of this guy, which the majority of people in this film seems to be.

But yeah, who knows.

Reegs: it's one of those, isn't it where it's so outlandish and incredible what is claimed to have happened, or even the parts that we think might be true, but you know, where you just, if you wrote it as a drama, you'd say, oh, it's unbelievable and silly. And it would never happen that a guy could fabricate a sort of 20 year career in football meeting all of, you know, world cup, winning superstars and playing, playing with them.

You just would say it couldn't happen as a screenplay, but here it happened in.

Pete: yeah

Sidey: Don't have any financial metric data for you on this one, unfortunately. just wasn't available.

So there

Pete: I dunno, I, I actually, I haven't looked at any, any metrics. In fact, I can see it here on IMD B. It's got a 7.1, which is, I think it's fairly high. Isn't it?

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: seems to have been pretty well received. And

Reegs: I would say you don't need to be a football fan. I don't think necessarily to enjoy this. It's kind of like catch me if you can, but set in the, in the sporting world. I don't know whether this is, I think it's a really good if troubling story, but I don't know. It's a fantastic documentary. I think that the tone is a bit confused and all over the place and the reconstructions add very little to it

Sidey: Yeah, I wasn't a huge fan of those. I have to say.

Reegs: Yeah. And I, I would like to have seen maybe the attempts to humanize him earlier in the movie, because like you said, so I had a lot of, it was just like, oh, I went to this place and shaped the later women and defrauded a later people. And then I went to this place in Florida, deleted people and shakes and women, and, you know, it's like very interesting mate.

Sidey: Yeah. But I I would I would go out of my way to recommend it to everyone. But if someone said, as it were look, I'd say, yeah, give it a, give it a go. But if you're, if you're looking for a doc,

Pete: Obviously I'm involved with the football team and I watched it, I watched, I watched half of it and then watch the other half a later date. And halfway through, I went up to the football club and happens to be a game and, you know, people having drinks afterwards and I was recommending it just purely because of how, I guess unbelievable it was by this time you've had the, you know, like the, the, the, the crescendo piece all the way to like the bit where he goes jumps over the fence to confront the fan, to avoid basically getting killed.

You, you got all of that. Like it just like the links that he was going. To kind of perpetuate this, this, this lie Shirad and, and how unbelievable it is, the fact that he's in a, in a setting of, and you know, that I've seen that I've seen the standard of, of street football in Brazil and it's fucking frightening because everyone plays it.

So the standard in, in the training sessions professional clubs over there must just be absolutely out of this world and for him to infiltrate that and never, ever participate, but still carry on a professional career is just, mind-boggling how

Reegs: quite, it's still.

Pete: it just with so much bluff and smoke and mirrors and so on.

So I did recommend it, but I didn't know it was going to take her. It gets sort of more sinister as is like the effectively, like, you know, like pimping and you, you know, you said like, you know, trafficking elements come into it. And then, and then another kind of like. And if I was recommending it at the end where it's like, oh yeah.

And then you watch this guy basically break down on, on TV. And, and I, as I said, at the time, I didn't give any consideration to the fact that it might not be genuine, but yeah. Now you've said it, it makes a lot of sense that, that it could just all be bullshit. And he has cried Wolf plenty of times. Let's be honest.

Reegs: mm.

Sidey: Well, in that case, we will just leave it up to the to our listeners to decide if they want to watch it or Cause we're kind of on the fence,

Reegs: Well, no, I, I would, I would say it's, it's such a good story that it is worth seeing. Maybe the, I think probably the book is probably pretty good. I would think so. It probably goes into all of it in more detail.

Pete: Yeah.

Sidey: Fair dues. So it book recommendation

Reegs: Yeah.

Pete: But that's Berkeley.

Sidey: This week's kids' TV. Nomination has been on my mind for a long old while. But you picked it this week. Pete. We've gone from Ren and Stimpy

Reegs: Not just any brain stem P though.

Sidey: so is this a famous and well-known. Episode in particular of, of this.

Reegs: Yes

Pete: so this, this, I would say this is the only episode of Ren and Stimpy that I CA that I remembered. I hadn't seen Ren and Stimpy since I was a child. I watched I've watched way more than just this episode. Definitely remember it being almost like a. Itchy and scratchy type

Sidey: Yeah sort of yeah

Pete: I guess maybe either inspired by it.

She in scratchy or maybe the inspiration forage in scratch. I don't know which one

Reegs: Well, that was Tom and Jerry, I think was the

Pete: Yeah, I guess so. Yeah

Reegs: had a weirder vibe to it. I thought I saw it. Was it a Nickelodeon? Was it,

Sidey: it was NYCLA. It was their first neck to. Feature, it was created by a guy I'm going to pronounce his

Reegs: Yeah, this is not an easy one.

Sidey: called John Chris for Lucy

Pete: for Lucy. I'd go with yeah,

Sidey: Who we can talk about him because he's probably not very nice guy that the look of the show as, at first glance has got that kind of Hanna-Barbera art, the way it's drawn style, but then we'll change in just a scene to a far more detailed beautifully painted image, which has completely grotesque.

Pete: Yeah

Sidey: and then flip back into the other sort of style. it's fucking weird.

Pete: got a lot of parts where it would be showing something. And then it'll like, you know, just like a room with a carpet and a, an, a, an, a dog or a cat or whatever. And then it will zoom in and you'll see like the, like the dust and the grime and the, you know, the, the stuff on the carpet. You'll see the, I don't know the fleas on the dog, or, you know, the sores or whatever.

And it just, yeah, it becomes like fairly grotesque.

Reegs: We get the janky intro music. Was it, it's not Primus, is it? I didn't look it up, but

Sidey: no it was just, it was

Pete: a bit primacy. Yeah,

Sidey: it was just some stock music that they found somewhere that was free to use.

Reegs: I'd forgotten about it, really the music until I heard it and then it, and then it launched in, and then we get hallelujah over the title, which is son of Stimpy, season two, episode

seven Was it 11 was there.

Pete: I have inside, it was season two, episode 11, but on, on my box it was season two, episode 12, and I'd already watched half I've seen side. You'd watched episode 11, which is like some kind of like dog show thing where I was watching it with my daughter.

Sidey: I watched that one with my daughter and

Pete: they buffed the dogs.

Did you see that? But.

Sidey: I watched the whole thing and they take off it's like, that is a major and scratch. Cause it says his spine is exposed.

Pete: It's pre

Sidey: the guy that has them is what was his name?

Pete: licker

Sidey: George liquor. That's it? Yeah, he's a disgusting character.

Pete: Yeah.

Sidey: am I looked at my daughter? I kept glancing across and she's like, screw it off her face.

Got it. Just didn't understand why this cartoon was so horrible. It's like the eyes keep coming out.

Pete: like George, George liqueurs, like stroking his eyeballs,

Sidey: Yeah

Pete: it's, it's disgusting. Anyway, that wasn't the, the episode we men man, watch we, then we then presumed like me, you watched the right one and this was the one that it stayed at me like to the point where if someone says the word stinky for the last 20, between, you know, 25 years, I'm going to say in my head, I've gone Steen key.

Like I've heard it in a Mexican act.

Reegs: Yeah.

Pete: And most of the time, I wouldn't have been able to tell you why, and then I've at points in my life. I do remember. Ah, that's because of the fault episode of,

Reegs: Brandon

Pete: Ren and Stimpy.

Sidey: Stem P is watching the tele.

Reegs: is Spanish TV. Did you notice that? And there's like a barrage of cartoon sound effects playing while his eyes Twitch.

Sidey: And then it does that thing where you get just a, still of him from the back with his massive butt cheeks and it's sort of rendered really in good detail.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: And then he lets out a GAF.

Reegs: He looks down eight shocks

Sidey: Does it do to

Reegs: he so shocked and he looks down and there's like a blast radius

Pete: That was good.

Reegs: his.

Pete: Yeah. The scorch marks. Yeah.

Reegs: And then he smells it. And then he shouts excitedly ran, ran, and he runs off to find them.

Sidey: wrens in his little reading nook,

Reegs: He's got a silk gown and a Crow VAT on and

Sidey: an effect.

Reegs: ed faith.

Sidey: and he's very sort of cultured and reading this little book, whatever it is that he's got and Stimpy it's like something happened, Something happened.

Reegs: Something came out of my, but wasn't

Pete: And it smell.

Reegs: and it smelled funny and obviously

Pete: Yeah. I mean, he's, he's basically, he effectively thinks that he's given birth, doesn't he?

Sidey: Yeah. Yeah.

Pete: Yeah, because stinky or we haven't called it. He's not called stinky yet, but

Reegs: we haven't got to that. Yeah. No.

Pete: has come out and then just like risen up and, and you don't then see his fart for, for

Sidey: He tries to, he tries to replicate it, but he just deflates it deflates

Reegs: it's whole ass deflates with the effort of trying to force this far out and Wren's really close. He's inspecting it, but yeah, so it, it, Wren says it was all in his head. So Stimpy resolves to go off and find his fart named stinky. Oh, stinky. Where could he be?

Pete: yeah,

Reegs: he's looks under the couch. He looks under the flowers and eventually looks under the piano stool where stinkies, but where Stimpy's bogeys are.

And he has a conversation with them explaining what stinky looks like and smells like and where stinky came from. But they decided to humor him and send him on his way. And again, it's one of those where they just do one of these really detailed zooms in of the bogeys underneath the chair. Yeah.

Sidey: That it's a 25 minute long episode and you know, they really drill down on Stimpy's heartbroken nurse and his search for stinky. It goes on for a long

Reegs: well, he's later he said, isn't he? And he's unshaven and he's watching the TV in the

Sidey: don't care

Reegs: and you can see his ass. He's so depressed. And is that like the camera? It just shows his like shapely woman, Lou buttocks in the in the bed.

Sidey: Yeah. Stink stinky looks into the window. And it just, I don't know, he just goes off again and to wherever the hell it is that he disappears

Reegs: Well, Wren doesn't think that stinky is real. You know, and, and he flies into a rage, his passivity and depression

Pete: Yeah.

Reegs: Yeah. And, and, and the seasons pass it's winter, Stimpy's calling for stinky to no avail. And then there's a really weird moment where Ren is making caught catfish eyes at him. And Stimpy is outraged.

Is that all you can think of while stinky is out there alone lost and he's like making come to bed eyes out. It's so weird. So, so weird.

Sidey: But eventually he does return. There was lots of shots when Stimpy went out to look for him that I thought were probably calls to something like a reference to a movie or some literary thing. There's one bit, I thought it might've been weathering Heights or something, you know, the, through the house and everything, but I didn't look up if it was.

But it does at one point the doorbell rings at red goes, it answers the door. You don't see it, but he smells, he got, and he's got the smell on his finger.

Reegs: Yeah, yeah.

Sidey: again, it goes back to Stimpy and he said, he's like, you're gonna, you're gonna wanna see who this is. It's like, don't care. It just keeps saying it doesn't, he don't care.

And he waves his smelly finger under his nose. And you see the stink lines go into his nose and he realizes it's it's, it's stinky. It's come back.

Reegs: Wait, it's an emotional moment. Isn't it? There's a full string version of Rock-a-bye baby playing as they, as they smelling, I thought I'd never smell you again. And he says,

Pete: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Cause when he's out looking for him, he's like, have you like it? He's got posters of stinky. It's like, have you smelled this of yourself? This person

Sidey: But he does look like he's grown or aged or, you know, time has passed and no sooner has he as he come back into the fold that he says, I can't stay I need to be my own man. You know, I can't stay with you anymore.

Reegs: like a cat Stevens song come to life. Isn't it? They haven't been father and son together.

Sidey: but it gets even better because he says, I want you to meet my fiance. And it's a, it's like a rotting,

Cod head Yeah.

It's which had a name. I can't remember what the name is.

Reegs: Well, she says she's beautiful. Stimpy's is, then they sing memories,

Sidey: They get, and they do get married. They get, they get married, Stimpy actually ordains the service and marries them.

Reegs: Yeah. And then they consummate the marriage in one of rents, nostrils, Stimpy. It's just throwing confetti at random and it ends, amazing. It's amazing. Oh, this one didn't disappointed it.

Sidey: no.

it's it's easily the best kids thing we've watched

Reegs: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Pete: Yeah. I

Reegs: and the story behind it is interesting as well.

Sidey: this episode or This dingy.

Reegs: This episode,

Sidey: Okay, go for it.

Reegs: we're only in that he When they did the first run of Ren and Stimpy, it was for like a really small amount of episodes and the single series. And then when it came back, they wanted to make like 22 episodes and they brought on a whole bunch of writers and storyboard artists that he, that this John Clifford, Lucy Critch for Lucy guy wasn't particularly keen on.

And he then wanted to make this like critique of Hollywood movies. And he was like, I can get pathos in anything I can make you care about anything I'll make you care about a fart. So that's how this sort of silly little episode comes up. I don't know whether I did care about stinky, but I was, I remember seeing it the first time and being amazed and it was just brilliant to it.

Sidey: Yeah he has struggled to get meet deadlines. It. was really problematic in in the work side of it. Obviously he was the writer, but also a lot of the animator is animation as well. They tried to expand it and at the end he got hoofed knee after was it after the second series? I think they had to get rid of him.

And then later on it turns out that he was a fucking like sexual predator as well. There was two sexual abuse allegations, Robin bird and Katie Bryce. Seeing that, that he'd been grooming them for when they were under

age

Reegs: lovely.

Sidey: So He, was in a sexual relationship with Robin bird when she was 16.

And she moved in and lived with him when she was 17. And

Reegs: he he got married to a fake.

Sidey: Yeah. So. Pretty, pretty fucking grim guy, like, you know, which is

Reegs: Hi, it's a shame.

Sidey: yeah But fucking great. So,

Reegs: yeah. yeah.

Sidey: but he said, I think that was after season two. And then there was another three series after that. So you can watch that guilt free, I think.

Reegs: I do remember with red Stimpy that they weren't all a hit. I do remember some episodes being quite drag.

Sidey: I mean, it is out there. It is really out there. So there probably will be moments that are just like a bit low, you know, but I remember liking it. I really liked it when I was a kid. I had a whole bunch of like Brendan snippy t-shirts that I used to rock back in the day. So I was a fan

Reegs: I would quite like a Ren and Stimpy t-shirt now I think

Sidey: yeah, I was always going to go online at this afternoon and have a look.

But this, Yeah. this is.

Pete: Yeah. Whether I think they were, they were kids. What, what would you, this is kind of like more pitched at the, you

Sidey: Well,

I would have been, Yeah. I would've been probably GCSE, so eight to 15, I guess, or watching this.

Pete: Yeah.

Sidey: so not, not, it's not young kids is

Pete: No. My, my, my daughter was in the room was I was watching the wrong episode and she looked up a couple of times and like, we both kind of like looked at each other and I was like, oh, this is silly. Isn't it? But yeah, it was like quiet. The other episode is a bit more kind of graphic and jet, but there's so much just a heartwarming story about a long lost fart.

Reegs: Yeah.

Sidey: Nice one chaps don't have any nominations for next week yet because Howie is up and out or something somewhere. So he will hopefully return and potentially give us something to watch for next week, but strong nominations this week and our first book recommendation as well, which is good. We will return next week.

Hopefully I won't have COVID and we can go to the man cave and do things properly.

Reegs: Nice

Sidey: we live in hope, but on that bombshell, all that remains is to say society signing

Reegs: re exam.

Pete: Goodbye.