Never let it be said that we exist solely to review high brow cinematic offerings!
This midweek mention is all about 2017's Baywatch. Now there's a masterpiece if ever we've seen one.
Turns out Dan hasn't seen this one. Reegs, Howie and Sidey give it the hard sell, but could we convince Dan to give it a whirl?
Tune in to find out.
Until next time, we remain...
Bad Dads
Baywatch
Sidey: Okay Another midweek movie mentioned and I think that I'm writing saying Dan you haven't seen this one
Dan: No Yeah Yeah Well okay Like most young men of 25 years ago when
Howie: You look Haggard for 25
Dan: I am
Howie: hell and P
Dan: I look Haggard for 55 watch watching watching this as a kid growing up Yeah of course it was fantastic They made a movie with ROC I believe
Sidey: 2017
Dan: Right Okay So not that long ago yet Ma missed it missed it Didn't really
Sidey: see that And the reason that we're talking about it this week is because rigs has only just recently Pull the trigger on this one Great decision
Dan: What made the what made the choice there
Reegs: Let's watch a comedy it's on prime I just watched the 21 and 22 jump street movies and they will far funnier than I thought they were going to be And I thought this might be an amusing affectionate parody
Dan: Right Okay
Reegs: And I quite like Dwayne the rock Johnson and
Dan: I like
Reegs: get a bit of a man crush on Zach Efron
Sidey: Oh I've got a huge huge crush on Zach Efron
Reegs: And he is like let's just get it out of the way he's ripped in This is like so unbelievably huge And
Dan: he was in was what
Sidey: high school musical
Howie: Disney's
Dan: Okay
Sidey: he actually the rock calls in that in this film which is really funny
Howie: Jeremy went on a massive steroid
Reegs: I don't think so Cause he's quite natural
Sidey: Have you watched
Reegs: Well you're shaking heads
Howie: He did a massive steroids
Sidey: Have you watched the eventually that he has on Netflix about renewables and the planet and blah blah blah He he talks about that
Dan: saves the planet or something
Sidey: yeah He talks about his dietary regimen that he resolved for this and how he gets there but he's just like you don't need to live your life like that It's bullshit But he is fucking rip as fuck in this If you're going on onscreen against the rock you want to
Reegs: hit the gym a little bit Just to
Dan: Yeah Could you imagine any of us just rolling up next to the rocket
Howie: The Dwayne Dwayne and his iron paradise lucky he
Sidey: Kind of seems like a good egg there bro I was saying it'd be quite good Fun to be around
Dan: I think so I think he comes across that way He just seemed to a nice genuine
Sidey: bloke I think Yeah Fucking hard worker
Reegs: the movie opens with the rock Dwayne he's playing Mitch Buchanan famous
Dan: Mitch No Right Okay
Reegs: David
Dan: It's such a great name Mitch Buchanan It just screams hero
Reegs: the movie opens with Mitch rescuing a wind surfer then rising out of the ocean with the film's title majestically coming out behind him as several dolphins jump around And I think you see that and you think I'm in
Dan: I know what I'm getting myself in for here Yeah The
Sidey: I think you're in if you're watching this you just kind of You're not expecting
Dan: Oh I dunno That there'd be times where I've you would hope
Sidey: so so universally panned when it came out
Dan: Yeah yeah
Sidey: Well you don't remember this Well
Dan: be honest it wasn't anything
Sidey: got some sort of snippets of some reviews that we can discuss
Reegs: All right Good
Sidey: but
Reegs: Let's get through the plot a
Howie: hi brow wankers dismissing it I think that would be
Sidey: exactly Right exactly Right
Reegs: so it's set in Emerald Bay Florida which is not where the original Baywatch was set Mitch Buchanan and his team of lifeguards including Stephanie Holden and CJ Parker raw rah rah rah shack roar batch CJ who a lot of boys
Sidey: she was lovely She really
Dan: you call it
Sidey: she was very I'm not gonna lie She's quite easy on the eye And just seemed really lovely too
Howie: I felt that the better personality came from Donna The other one
Dan: It's on a
Howie: no the one with the dark hair was that summer I can't
Sidey: she's paid by Alec Alec Alexandra Daddario
Howie: that's the one
Reegs: Mitch Buchanan he's beloved by the community he finds a small pouch of a drug That I think was called Flacker
Dan: Oh I don't touch that
Reegs: washed up near on the beach
Howie: bad Juju
Sidey: It's the new sort of synthetic kind of
Reegs: it's kind of mastery
Sidey: drug coat Yeah
Dan: yeah You injected through the eyeball I know that shit
Reegs: later Olympian Matt Brody who is sort of in disgrace for vomiting in the pool during an Olympic relay after but he's already
Sidey: But he was based on Ryan Lochte To your
Reegs: that happened afterwards though Didn't
Sidey: think they denied probably cause they didn't want to
Dan: go for a massive expensive court
Sidey: exactly
Reegs: that sack Ephron's character he's a sort of disgraced washed up swimmer who's been bought in there's some tryouts where the fat guy who I didn't recognize who gets his penis caught in a sunburn
Sidey: gets an erection and gets a stick caught in it in the sunbeds
Reegs: This is the kind of comedy that we're talking about
Howie: Genuinely funny Who is that guy
Reegs: John John Bass I think his name was I'd never heard of him but he was quite funny
Sidey: Yeah Good Another good shower scene and this one
Reegs: Yeah You get to see us bum Yeah Yeah I mean I don't know Do we need to go through the whole plot beginning to end
Sidey: There's the villain
Dan: it to me Why should I
Sidey: well I don't really want to spoil it too much for you Dan because I do want you to watch it but essentially it's kind of like the plot of bad boys or any other
Howie: fast and
Sidey: good guys against drug Baron type storyline there's blackmail those people everyone's out to get the rock because he's stitched up and eventually and you won't believe this but Zach Efron and the rock they fucking are at loggerheads a little bit And the don't quite get on but you won't believe it Zach Efron ends up having to be the kind of savior and It's
Dan: So there's real twisted plots
Howie: There are some genuine belly laughs in this
Sidey: kind of poking fun at it but I I'm the equivocally fucking it Yeah It's pretty
Reegs: funny I have
Dan: Okay Well there's three of you telling me that but I don't find any use thought funny So I just wonder where I'd find this funny
Reegs: well I think what really sells the movie is the interactions between the rock and Zac Efron They look like they're having a good time doing this movie They've got this kind of natural rapport
Sidey: Yeah
Reegs: that really
Sidey: stuff There's a lot of flesh on display as you can imagine from the Baywatch kind of thing So you've got the CJ It's
Dan: Does Pamela Anderson make any kind of
Reegs: Right at the end Hang on Let's get that because
Dan: you just saw that
Reegs: both Hasselhoff and Pam Ranson are in it very briefly
Sidey: This is actually rated R this movie and it's this serious shit It's fucking five people die in this film You know this
Dan: This is heavy It's not just that
Sidey: shits and giggles This people
Dan: by what you used to be like you get maybe a couple of drownings is
Reegs: Oh no Where the villain is killed quite horribly with a sort of firework she's like blown to smithereens at the end of the movie it also features a flacid penis that Zach Efron memorably has to kind of play with the Tainter of
Howie: Oh yeah And the photos he takes a pitch in the morgue
Reegs: it's got some laughably bad CGI in it as
Howie: Yeah With the scarab the power boat going around a fire
Reegs: in the water yeah so really bad CGI the acting is nothing to write home about but the jokes are fairly consistently funny
Dan: is this the kind of thing that costs A hundred million to make a made 200 million
Howie: probably
Sidey: To my eternal shame Didn't look up those statistics for this particular movie because I think it transcends ma
Dan: those mere mortal kind of money It's shouldn't pollute it
Sidey: It didn't get a great critical reception when it initially hit the street I've got a few snippets of What are some thoughts from a critic Friends Baywatch does not work in the comedic department nor the CGI the action or the script departments So that was pretty escaping The biggest disappointment is that it's not even so bad It's good Someone else said that it's almost disrespectful how lazy this movie feels at times someone else said that it achieves a level of incompetence rarely seen in modern cinema And then
Dan: these are really good on
Sidey: this person said it
Reegs: Really agree with them
Sidey: movie with no wet no imagination and no laughs throughout
Dan: It reminds me a little bit of shark soup
Sidey: And then finally someone said that by is so off base on every level that it nearly made me want to quit my career as a film critic
Reegs: Brilliant
Sidey: they should have been
Howie: So 65 million budget what'd you reckon it made
Sidey: 150
Dan: Yeah I reckon it's doubled its
Howie: 178
Reegs: there'll be a sequel then
Sidey: hope so
Reegs: I liked the fact that it doesn't wink at the audience too much It doesn't it builds on an acknowledges the shakiness of the premise even at one point There's a line about this sounds like the plot of a really bad TV show there's not too much of that going on So really hate that Metta winking like
Sidey: Yeah I could have done without the cameos to be honest with you I don't like the way that that trend of things when they're repairing a bit then they have to shoe horn in the people from the old ones
Howie: Starsky and Hutch your chips
Reegs: Mitch Buchanan who is still Hasselhoff Mitch It was also called Mitch Buchanan shows up towards the end of the movie
Sidey: the with the original soundtrack
Reegs: Yeah be dead He shows up to do a one scene inspirational speech to get Mitch back on his feet again after the predictable sort of
Dan: is there already a tear for me in my eye
Reegs: And Pamela Anderson turns up in effectively the last shot of the movie looking horrendous Absolutely awful I mean she's been Botoxed to oblivion and I think she's supposed to be sexy but she's
Howie: She's like a wizard slave
Reegs: not I mean it's crude and silly and it's kind of boobs and biceps and yeah
Sidey: it's all the things you'd expect from like if I was writing down all the things that I think I'm going to see when I watch a Baywatch maybe it's all those things and it's prominent you know
Dan: what what kind of age range is this
Reegs: was 18 I mean there's a lot of jokes about erections and people getting killed like Sadie said and penises and having to touch you know it's very silly and
Dan: It made so much money though You know
Howie: It's funny
Dan: we think about you know different fee Yeah
Sidey: Because you
Dan: Yeah They are big huge sack F on
Sidey: like everyone's got that Kelly brought back had the Swimsuit sports illustrated swim wear thin gun She's very
Reegs: She was apparently really hated by the cast and crew so much So she was reportedly so difficult on set to the point where none of her co-stars wanted to be paired with her during the press junkets the movie She's now married to Simon Walton who is some multi-billionaire
Sidey: Kmart
Reegs: Could be I think wasn't he John boy you want to run home John boy
Dan: John boy is married to this girl and he's a billionaire
Sidey: no that sounds like the Walmart family
Reegs: could be could be so yeah she's a bit of a trout but very easy on the eye it's it's fun It's not as funny as 21 and 22 jump street which is like my new high watermark for modern comedies Cause they're really really much
Dan: I'm going to check I'm going to check these out I will check out 21 jumps G I remember obviously the the first time round when it was a series with Johnny Deppen All the rest of it
Sidey: please do check this out as well Cause it could go either way And I really want to know everybody
Dan: well it would certainly over
Sidey: It's on prime so it's
Dan: period and all the rest of it there'll be time to watch this kind of film And sometimes you are in the mood to watch anything heavy like possibly the films that we've Reviewed in the past when it sometimes you're just not in the mood for them you want something light you want something you know is not going to challenge you intellectually or you just want it to wash over here this is these kinds of films so okay Why
Sidey: Available on prime for your viewing Pleasure